


Beautiful, Beloved

by cowboykylux



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Arranged Marriage, British Politics, Edwardian Period, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Smut, Historical Accuracy, Honeymoon, Mentions of War, Millionaire Kylo, No MCD, Oral Sex, RMS Titanic, Social Commentary, Strangers to Lovers, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2020-07-11 18:04:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 49,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19932250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cowboykylux/pseuds/cowboykylux
Summary: You had met three times: The first, an introduction. The second, a lunch. The third, your wedding. Can bonds be made in such short a time as a week long honeymoon aboard the immensely impressive RMS Titanic?Yes, yes they can.





	1. Consummation

You had met him three times in total.

The first had been an introduction. The second, a luncheon. The third was today, your wedding.

You never imagined being married, let alone married to a stranger. 

Of course that was a silly thought to be had, because of course you would need to marry – but something about actually holding the title was a feeling you for some reason had never imagined.

_Lady Ren._ How thrilling, you thought with a smile.

There certainly were worse strangers to be married to, you thought.

Your smile turned to an expression of mild panic as you tightened your grip on your newly wedded husband’s arm, the car making a sharp left turn out of the blue. His gloved hand rested gently on your arm, gave it a reassuring pat.

“I think that went rather well, don’t you?” Lord Ren, your newly wedded husband offered dryly.

The two of you were seated in the back of a brand-new automobile, a wedding present from your in-laws.

It was the new model of Rolls Royce, something called the silver ghost. Aptly named, for the sunlight glittered off the highly polished mirrored exterior and the engine was the softest you had heard yet.

The mechanic drove well, although you were still suspicious of the machinery. The clean streets of the city gave way to beautifully manicured parks and gardens as the world zipped past, making the journey from your wedding venue to the place you would call home forever.

You tore your eyes away from the blur of trees and pavement to Lord Ren, who was referring to the wedding no doubt.

It had gone off without a hitch, a beautiful afternoon ceremony as was fashionable for the day. Your dress remained crisp and clean the whole way through, and all the guests left well fed. It was a long wedding, but a pleasant one, the only tears that were shed were those of happiness.

“Yes, I think so too.” You nodded, holding on as the car made another turn.

“No one was punched, anyway.” Lord Ren muttered, seemingly under his breath.

“Punched?” You asked with eyebrows raised, amused.

“A fist-fight broke out at my parent’s wedding. My uncle had to step in and break it up; so I’d say we’re already doing better than them.” Lord Ren ran a hand through his hair, unusually long for societal standards.

You found that you liked that about him, his deviancy.

“May I ask who was fighting whom?” You hedged, not wanting to overstep.

“My father, and the man who had come to collect his debts.” Lord Ren replied, surprisingly unashamed.

“What a scandal!” You couldn’t help but laugh, “Who won?”

“My father did. I’m surprised you never read of it in the papers.” Lord Ren regarded you with something akin to warmth, tucked a stray hair underneath your veil from where the wind had pulled it free.

You lingered on the moment, already feeling yourself grow fond for this man. Perhaps he wouldn’t be a stranger for long.

“I’m afraid I don’t have much time for reading the news, my charity work keeps me busy.” You admitted.

You hoped that wouldn’t be an issue, your charity work. You took a great deal of pride in it, and had no intention of reigning in your efforts for the eradication of child labor, and the education of young lower class girls.

You had heard much about Lord Ren’s politics, and you knew him to be quite a charitable man as well, albeit one with a more…explosive reputation. 

“Not too busy that I won’t see hide nor hair of you, I hope.” He surprised you with his gentleness, how reserved he was.

This did not look like the man who angrily drew his sword and held it to the throats of barons, who threw large tantrums and shattered antiques with ease when a letter came bearing bad news, who once choked a poor footman near-half to death -- as the stories went.

You had been afraid at first, when your parents announced the plans for you to marry such a man.

You were worried that he would be unkind towards you, or distant altogether. An heir and a spare, as they said. You had been assured that taking a lover was perfectly acceptable once the children had been born and the inheritance would have a viable heir to go to, but something in you spoke loudly, wanting to love the man you married. Everyone called you a romantic.

Everyone said there was no place for romance in marriage. You had intended to prove them wrong.

So when it was announced that Lord Kylo Ren was to be man, you suddenly grew unsure. He was a man with a reputation. People feared him, you did not want to fear him too.

Lord Ren looked intimidating, you had to admit, what with his entirely black ensemble and large scar that adorned his face. You understood how it could be so easy to fear him, this appearance combined with the personality that was so heavily gossiped about.

Perhaps it was this combination that he was working to counter-act; being ever so slightly more careful, as to not scare you.

The thought, however true or false it may be, made you warm.

“I should ask the same of you.” You said, as the automobile slowed.

Lord Ren smiled when you did not immediately remove your arm from his, content to leave it there as the grand entryway of the estate came into view.

“We’re here, ready to see your new home?” He asked you, and you nodded. “Close your eyes.” He said, and you did, keeping them shut as you felt the engine putter underneath you.

Only a few moments later did Lord Ren carefully, ever so gently, remove your satin gloved hands from your face, giving you the hint to open your eyes.

The estate was, in a word, extravagant.

The land and gardens were a sight to behold, lush greenery that felt almost like a painting -- grass could certainly not be so green! But the house itself, was a sight to behold all on its own.

It was a beautiful shade of yellow, like that of freshly churned butter, or daffodils. It seemed to stretch on forever, at least three stories tall. There was even a circular tower near the front, you hoped it sported views of the pond just across, where swans leisurely floated atop crystal clear waters. You wondered if the estate had a rowboat, or if one could be purchased.

The automobile came to a halt just outside the grand courtyard, where the mechanic put the car in park. The entire staff was lined up outside to greet you and your husband, a footman hurried to open the door for you.

“Lord and Lady Ren, welcome home.” A man whom you assumed to be the butler greeted you, as the line of staff bowed or curtsied.

“Oh it’s gorgeous!” You replied, gratefully taking the butler’s hand and stepping down from the Rolls Royce, eager to stretch your legs after the nearly hour long journey from the city.

“Do you like it? I had it built especially for you, I tried to emulate the countryside with the landscaping.” Lord Ren joined you and stood by your side, careful not to step on your train or veil.

“Just for me?” You asked in return, eyes widening at the beauty and sheer newness of the house. It must have only just finished being constructed, there was no trace of dirt or wear on the yellow brick.

“Yes, I didn’t want you to feel like you had to conform to my estate.” Lord Ren replied.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re incredibly considerate?” You asked, a rhetorical question.

“No, they certainly haven’t.” He answered anyway.

You smiled, you were happy to be the first.

* * *

The inside of the house was just as magnificent as the outside, perhaps even more-so. Everything was so light, windows as tall as you were with open curtains allowed sunshine to pour into the rooms.

All the furniture was painted a light brown, with cream or ivory or golden upholstery to match the beautifully papered walls. Crystal chandeliers reflected light which bounced around the room through freshly polished mirrors, little rainbows dancing across the vases and various ornaments.

Portrait paintings hung on the walls in large ornate frames that reminded you very much of the Lourve. Pity the French couldn’t maintain their monarchy, you thought with the smallest of laughs.

“Can we go to the bedroom?” You asked, boldly.

Lord Ren quirked a smile, and nodded, leading you down a set of corridors and hallways.

The bedroom was small, and you liked that. Liked that it meant you could be closer to your husband, should you both be in the room at the same time.

The walls were a beautiful camel color, with decorative crown molding that ran the perimeter of the ceiling. The walls were papered in an ornate filigree style, and thoughtfully covered with old paintings. You wondered who the people in the paintings were, if they were relatives, or just purchased for their aesthetic value.

There were large windows and desks which faced them, a beautiful rug that must have come from Persia if the weaving was anything to go by, but most impressive of all was the bed.

It wasn’t a very wide bed, but that you didn’t mind. You envisioned many nights spent pressed against your husband, if he were amicable towards such a thing. You would soon find out, you supposed, as the sun was already beginning to dip below the rolling hills of the horizon.

The bed was a canopy, with thick golden curtains that were drawn – for the time being. You took a step towards them, ran your fingers over the fabric. It was velvet, with a pressed satin design which matched the wallpaper. It seemed as though Lord Ren had a very developed eye for decoration, you thought, letting your fingers run through the satin fringe that lined the curtains.

The sheets were the softest of cottons, pure white. You couldn’t wait to muss them.

Your husband stepped behind you, placed a hand on your waist. It was so large, warm. Even through the layers of your clothing you could feel the heat radiating off of him.

“Lord Ren – ” You started, turning around only to have him shake his head.

“Please, (Y/N), call me Kylo.” He interrupted softly, making you blush.

You didn’t know when the last time someone other than your parents called you by your first name was.

“Kylo,” You rectified, “Are you happy? With this arrangement, I mean.”

He looked at you for a little while, sun shining in his incredibly brown eyes. You wondered what he was thinking, what was going through his mind.

He carefully took one of your hands and placed the palm against his cheek, the one free of the scar. You furrowed your brow slightly, removed your hand, only to replace it with your other one. You cupped his other cheek, not minding in the slightest how the scar rippled and puckered the skin there.

“Yes, I daresay I am.” He said, his eyes searching yours. “Are you?”

“Yes, I am.” You nodded, sparing a glance down to his lips.

You hadn’t done much kissing, but you thought if ever there were a pair of lips to practice on, these were them. Kylo’s lips were so full, plush. They had a natural redness to them that made you wonder if he had spent his youth biting them to make them so pigmented.

Kylo’s own hand mirrored yours as he gently held your face and pressed his lips to yours. The first kiss outside of your wedding, and it was magical in its innocence.

It did not, however, remain innocent, as only mere moments passed before Kylo’s tongue was pressing against the seam of your lips, your moth yielding to him, opening for him. You could feel your pulse quicken, and it suddenly seemed stifling, so hot in your dress. You wondered if Kylo was burning up as well.

“They’ll be waiting, won’t they?” Kylo said, breaking the kiss. He leaned his forehead against your own, and you nodded.

“Yes, they will. We’d do best to not disappoint them, wouldn’t you say?” You asked with the hint of a tease to your tone, licking your lips, already feeling the goosebumps down your arms. 

“I’ve wanted this for a long time.” Kylo quirked the smallest of smiles, ran his hands down your sides.

“I know we know very little of one another, but please know this: I won’t ever keep you in suspense.” You said, daring to press the words into the skin of his neck, leaving a kiss there before pulling away.

“Good, I don’t like to wait.” Kylo replied, heat in his eyes.

You grinned.

You had never seen such a sculpted body as your husbands, but you would have a chance to marvel once the heat of your clothing was removed from your own body.

Getting Kylo out of his clothes was a fast affair.

Getting you out of yours, however, was slightly more laborious.

You sweetened the deal with a kiss, the sliding of your tongue against his spurred his hands.

Wasn’t the wedding night supposed to be a passionate affair? How could anyone get away with such a thing when there required at least ten minutes of unlacing and unhooking?

He first began by unclasping your belt and deftly unbuttoning the front of your dress bodice, sliding that and the jacket off of your shoulders, the both of you watching as it fluttered gracefully to the floor.

The skirt, a light petticoat, and all your underclothes remained, and Kylo just had to take a break to kiss you.

“I’ll never understand why there are so many layers.” Kylo grumbled as he carefully removed your corset cover, making you laugh so much that his hands stilled in shock.

“I’m sorry! Please don’t stop,” You said in a fit of giggles, “It’s just, neither will I.” You smiled up at him, earning a smile back.

You let out a sigh of relief when the corset came off, Kylo carefully plucking the strings away. It was never too tight of course, the hysteria and trends of tight-lacing long gone, but still, there was something so refreshing about letting yourself loose after a long day.

Down to your chemise, drawers and stockings, Kylo took a step back, kneeling before you.

His eye contact was smoldering, as he lifted the chemise enough to snap off the garters that held the stockings up. He took care to unlace the tie holding up your drawers, letting the cotton fall to the floor.

Your cunt throbbed, the wetness between your legs slippery. Kylo was _handsome,_ kneeling there in front of you, his bare chest and hard cock on display.

You liked that he was hard, liked that he wanted you, _really_ wanted you.

“Let me see you?” He asked, and your hands shook with eager anticipation as you pulled the chemise over your head, letting it fall as well.

Finally, you removed the pins that held your hair up, let it fall down with everything else. This act, letting your hair down, felt like the most intimate thing you had ever done.

You were completely on display for him, nipples hardening against the fresh air, stomach tensed with a nervousness reserved for a first fuck such as this.

“You’re gorgeous.” He licked his lips, hands twitching, wanting to touch you. You wanted nothing more than just that.

You walked backwards to the bed, stopping only when the backs of your knees hit the mattress.

Kylo was on you in an instant, finally finally finally able to get his hands on your skin.

He kissed and kissed you, mouth hot and incessant, pressing against your lips, your throat, your shoulders. His hands, large as they were, spanned across your breasts with ease, and he gave them a strong squeeze, pinched at those nipples of yours that were begging for attention.

He laid you down, settled himself on top of you, your legs parting for him so easily. You couldn’t help but grin, feeling the thrill of the moment. Your stomach was doing flips, like how it would on an automobile driving too quickly. You never wanted him to pump the brakes.

“Kylo, please.” You whined, wanting to feel him already.

“Not yet, I’ve got to get you ready for me.” He kissed your face, bit at your jaw just the slightest amount. It wouldn’t do to have marks on your skin, at least where they could be seen.

You were grateful for the high collars of fashionable dress.

“But – ” You protested with a frown, you wanted to feel him, all of him, right down to that cock of his that was poking and prodding at your stomach as he kneaded your chest.

“You see this?” He sat back on his heels, dipping the mattress.

You were laid back on your back by now, on top of the covers, lace pillows propping up your head.

He took his dick in his hand, stroked it. You nodded, you did see it, you saw all of it, your mouth watering from it.

You rose onto all fours, crawled to where he kneeled.

“I see it.” You swallowed.

He his lip and nodded, a hand guiding the back of your head forward, until you were close enough to lick a stripe up the shaft, making him take in a sharp breath.

“There’ll be plenty of time for that,” Kylo said, pulling his cock away much to your disapproval, “I’ve got to prepare you, and fast, or I might just come all over these perfect tits of yours.”

“Would that be such a shame?” You asked, making him grin.

“Let me at least come in you first.” He reasoned, and you sighed dramatically, laying on your back theatrically.

From this view, you could see the blotches of flush blooming on his chest – and how muscular it was! You knew that the physique was undesirable for men of his status, but you couldn’t help but grow ever more wet for him, the way his abs flexed under his smooth skin.

The scar traveled down his face and shoulders onto his chest, shiny and white, long healed. 

You didn’t give any more thought to it as his fingers wasted little time sliding between your legs, the tips just barely grazing your folds.

He looked to you, cock dripping and hanging heavy between his legs, and you nodded, wanting to hurry the process along, desperately wanting to feel how full this would make you.

His fingers were thick, and when he thrust them into your cunt you let out a long _oh_ at the feeling.

“Relax for me.” He murmured, his hair falling into his face.

You dropped your hips, not realizing how tense you had made them just out of sheer desperation. He bent down to kiss you, a droplet of sweat landing on your cheek, as he took advantage of your calm and pushed those fingers into you some more.

“Please Kylo, I can’t take much more of this.” You begged, and he huffed, clearly wanting to spend more time than you did with his fingers up your cunt, but he gave you what you wanted as he pulled away.

“If it’s too much, you tell me, okay?” He asked, and you nodded, eager, so eager.

Your eyes fluttered shut at the feeling of him lining himself up, the head of his cock parting your lips and sinking into you.

“Yes!” you gasped, head thrown back as he pulled you down the mattress by your hips, pulling you onto his cock.

“God damn,” Kylo breathed out, pushing his way into you further and further. “You’re so tight.”

“You’re so big!” You replied, making him laugh.

You liked the sound of his laugh.

“I fucking told you, didn’t I?” He grinned up at you, eyes going glassy as his hips slowly started thrusting, trying to get deeper and deeper and deeper into you.

“Yeah, you did, come on give me more.” You encouraged, lifting your legs and wrapping them around his hips.

It felt so natural, so good, and you moaned, embarrassingly loud noises coming from your throat as he fucked you well and true.

His cock seemed to go on forever, and by the time he had managed to open you up all the way, slide his cock as deep into you as it could go, you were both panting from the exertion.

You held onto him, his shoulders, gripped at his back as he had to plant on of his feet on the floor to give himself the proper leverage to fuck you.

You latched your mouth to his neck, sucked and kissed there as you clenched around him, wanting to make this feel just as good for him as it did for you. You couldn’t believe how much the both of you were sweating, the noises that you were making.

Kylo was grunting like he was in pain, his face pinched up, mouth open. You kissed him, your hands groping his strong pectorals, pinching at his own nipples. You figured if it felt so good for you, it’s feel good for him too.

He let out a long low groan when you did that, reaching up to tweak one of yours playfully in return.

“Kylo!” You cried his name, and he did his best to fuck you and kiss you at the same time. “I’m going to – ”

He cut you off with a kiss. He was tall, you hadn’t realized how that might pose a problem; the poor man had to bend himself down just to reach your lips as his hips pistoned into you.

“Me too, just a minute longer.” He asked, and you nodded, tried your best.

His hips grew more and more erratic, his grip on your waist bruising. He was almost white-knuckled, fingers leaving a print when he pulled on away to reach down to your pussy, push between your folds and find your clit.

When he did, he rolled it between his fingers, making you shout out and come, your cunt clamping down around his cock, come gushing and making the most obscene of sounds. You felt like you were on top of the world, all of the nerves in your body alight with pleasure; you couldn’t stop crying out his name, a chant of _Kylo_ spilling from your lips.

“Oh shit!” Kylo gasped as he ground his hips as far into you as they could go, bordering just shy of painful.

You had to wiggle and lift your hips to get a better angle, only allowing him to pump his come deeper into you. You could feel it, you swore you could, how hot it was, coursing through you.

Finally, it seemed like all the tension in his shoulders melted away, and he collapsed on top of you, crushing you under his chest from his height.

“Was it good?” Kylo asked, panted.

“Yes,” You replied with a hazy smile, “I’m going to want this all the time.”

“We’ll make the family very happy then,” Kylo smiled back, “All the heirs we’re going to have.”

You just laughed, and despite his hardened exterior, he laughed too.

Kylo pulled out eventually, fascinated by the sight of his come slowly dripping out of you. He pushed it back in before wiping his hand on the sheets, making you smile.

“Are you hungry?” He asked, even as he rubbed his nose on your breast, settled his face down there against your skin, nose prodding your softened nipple.

He got comfortable, and you gently brushed his hair out of your face, combed your fingers through it. It was silky and soft, albeit a little wet from sweat.

“No, I’m still stuffed from the dinner.” You replied, and he hummed.

Kylo wedged a hand under your back, holding you.

The sun had officially gone below the horizon, and night time had arrived. You didn’t think you had ever seen this many stars, through the great big windows just opposite the bed.

In the light of the moon, Kylo’s back shone with cooling sweat. You traced patterns across the skin there with the lightest of touches.

“You’re not like anything I thought you’d be.” You admitted with a yawn.

“And what was that?” He asked, voice muffled by your skin.

“When your name is spoken, people tend to recoil in fear. I find nothing frightening about you.” You combed through his hair, pushed it back away from his face and neck, exposing an ear.

It was big, just like the rest of him. You gave it a gentle squeeze, and he huffed, clearly self-conscious.

“Careful now, it’s only been one day.” He hummed, before snuffling and breathing in your scent. “I could get used to this.”

“You can have me whenever you’d like, provided just one thing.” You mused.

“What’s that?” He left his other hand lightly squeeze at your other breast, the one he wasn’t currently using as a pillow.

“I get to have you whenever _I’d_ like.” You grinned, and his shoulders shook with a gentle laugh.

“I think I can manage that.” He nodded, kissing your sternum. “I imagine I’d like to have you all over our rooms on our honeymoon.”

The honeymoon!

“Would you believe I completely forgot we were going on such a trip?” You thought out loud, making him chuckle. He was exceptionally affectionate, you were coming to find. “Do you mind me asking where we’ll be going? I’d like to pack accordingly.”

“I wanted it to be a surprise.” He replied, but you were having none of that.

“Please?” You tried, feeling quite victorious when he let out a resigned sigh.

“Have you heard of the Titanic?” He asked, lifting his head and regarding you with a smile.

You were stunned, not knowing what to expect, but certainly not expecting that.

A surprise indeed. 


	2. Delicious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see the end notes for some fun historical facts and trivia bits! <3

“Is he kind?” You had asked, nerves running high.

You were to meet him for tea, Lord Ren. Your future husband, if your family and his had anything to say about it. And oh, they did, in fact they had so much say that it wasn’t even a question of _if._

“How do you mean, kind?” Your lady’s maid, Sarah, asked.

She was tightening up your corset for you, ensuring it fit well and sat snugly against your curves. You wanted to look your best for this tea, wanted to impress both Lord Ren and his company. It was rumored that his grandfather, Prince Consort Lord Skywalker would be in attendance. It was imperative that you made a good impression on them both.

“Oh you know,” You asked, fingers fiddling with the bow on your drawers, lifting your arms for a moment as Sarah gently lowered the petticoat over your head. “How is his disposition? Is he well-mannered? Friendly? Courteous?”

“Well-mannered! Goodness gracious have you heard nothing of the man?” Sarah laughed abruptly, making your eyebrows shoot up.

“You know I’ve no time for entertaining gossip.” You blinked, keeping your arms up for the skirt that Sarah settled over your head as well. “What would make you say such a thing, what has he done?”

Sarah was quiet for a moment as she helped you into your jacket and belt. You were wearing a cream colored dress this afternoon, hand beaded in near entirety to emulate a beautiful lace pattern. You were sure that the beads would catch the light of the sitting room beautifully.

“Rumor has it he’s a monster.” Sarah said in a hushed voice eventually, “Charged for murder on numerous accounts, including that of his own father – ”

“That was self-defense, was it not?” You interrupted her, confused.

You may not have had time to gossip, but you _had_ heard that bit of highly controversial news when the incident occurred a few years ago. It shook all of the aristocracy, it was not something that was simply swept under the rug.

“Perhaps. He’s got the temper of the devil and the wits of him too, he flaunts his intellect openly and nearly tackles anyone who dare oppose his views – why just last year he drew his sword on poor Lord Dameron for speaking against his grandfather!” Sarah continued, searching for your hat.

“Were you there for any of these occurrences?” You asked as she pinned it into place, a huge brimmed thing in matching cream satin fabric, with the most beautiful taxidermized white birds you’d ever seen lovingly attached.

Putting the hat on made you feel like you were nearly as tall as the room, with how high those birds’ wings were!

“No, I’ve never had the misfortune.” Sarah muttered, helping you stand and fetching your shawl.

“Then how can you hold so much conviction in your heart?” You asked warmly, willing to give Lord Ren a chance, even if no one else was.

* * *

Lying next to him, to this giant of a man, you could think of nothing other than that conversation all those months ago.

Here he looked so peaceful in your bed. Naked as the day he was born, but draped in the most beautiful of cotton sheets, his dark hair splayed out dramatically against the light pillows. You sat up carefully, tugged the canopy curtains of the bed aside and smiled as the sunshine warmed your face.

The bedroom was rather a mess, down feathers littered the place from the time you clawed at his pillows so often during another round of late night fucking that they tore open. The movement of opening the curtains set some feathers into flight once more, and they hung lazily in the morning air as you smiled and stretched.

Laying back down gently so as to not disturb your sleeping husband, you lightly traced a finger over his beauty spots and the scar that marked his otherwise blemish-free face, followed the curves of his handsome bone structure across the bridge of his proud nose.

You couldn’t help but tickle those plush lips of his, drawing the smallest of smiles from the corner of his mouth, and Kylo’s eyes blinked open against the warm rays of morning sunlight, smile growing wider when he realized what was happening.

One of his hands fished out from under the mess of comforter and sheets, grasped your wrist and brought it to his mouth. He kissed it with a smile, and pulled you to sit atop his lap, the sheets slipping from your body in the process and revealing your naked form to him.

Even in the bright light of day, he seemed to enjoy the sight of your flesh, something that made you feel rather confident. He sat up, propped himself against the headboard, and cupped your face sweetly in his hands.

“Good morning, Mrs. Ren.” He said with a smile, voice thick from sleep.

If he be a monster, you thought with a smile of your own, at least he was yours.

“Good morning Kylo.” You whispered back.

You leaned in ever so slightly, and he took the hint to press those lips of his against yours in a soft kiss.

You hummed happily against it, the two of you smiling so wide that a proper kiss was becoming more and more difficult to manage. Kylo pulled you closer, his hands traveling from your face to your waist, hugging you to him.

You got a better glimpse of him in this lighting, as he faced the windows being sat against the headboard just so. There were white scars all over him, in addition to the one that split his face. You had decided a long time ago that you wouldn’t ask about that particular scar, not wanting to overwhelm him. It didn’t matter to you that much, you knew he’d tell you in due time if that was something he wanted to share.

You found yourself hoping he’d want to share things with you, someday.

“Did you sleep well?” Kylo asked, and my how his voice was so deep!

You had once foolishly thought that it was perhaps a performative register, something to make him seem more intimidating. However in the warmth of the morning sun, there was very little intimidating about him. His baritone was no affectation.

“Best I’ve slept in months, it would seem. And you?” You replied, tucking his long hair behind his ears. You watched as they grew red at the tips with embarrassment – he must not be fond of his ears then, you thought.

“The fact that I slept at all is a miracle in and of itself.” Kylo stretched his arms high above his head, the sheets pooling to rest near your thighs on his lap.

He was so incredibly muscular, you had never seen such a body on a gentleman! And smooth as well, smooth hard planes of muscle, broken up only by the occasional beauty splotch or freckle. You simply had to touch him, and so you did, your hands sliding from his strong shoulders and flattening against his chest.

“Perhaps I’ll need to tire you out every evening then, get you a good night’s rest.” You said mischievously, a waggle of an eyebrow to further state your meaning.

Kylo caught on quickly, and before you knew it, you were on your back with a high laugh. Kylo had rolled you backwards so your head was now at the foot of the bed, and he quickly remedied that by snatching a pillow and propping it under your neck. He crawled over you, pulled all the sheets away to see as much of you as he could.

“I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to that.” He licked his lips, entranced by you. “You’re so beautiful.”

He ran his hands over the soft curves of your stomach and up to your breasts, giving them a gentle squeeze that had your nipples stiffening.

“I know.” You sighed with a smile, letting your eyes slip closed as he fondled you.

“We love a modest girl.” Kylo snorted out a laugh, and you laughed too, feeling silly for being so vain.

Oh well, you thought, you were allowed a little vanity every now and again.

Kylo lowered himself onto you, kissed you. Your hands wound into his hair, curled around the nape of his neck as you kissed him back. Your legs slid open to accommodate his body, get him closer to you.

He took the opportunity to reach down and line up his already hard cock to your pussy, pushed past your lips with very little effort with how relaxed you were from the lazy morning.

“Oh,” You moaned, and he buried his face in your neck, pressed hot kisses to your shoulder and your cheek, braced himself against the bed and your own hip to drive himself deep into your cunt.

This was not the fast-paced fucking of last night, this was something to be savored, if the steady rhythm of his thrusts were anything to go by.

You were glad to be naked, it was so hot in the bedroom! Your hair clung to your face and shoulders from the sweat that had begun to bead up on your skin, drip down your body. Kylo wasn’t much better off, his face and chest flushed to a deliciously warm shade of red.

He felt amazing, but you couldn’t deny the rumbling in your stomach as you woke up more and more.

“What time is it?” Kylo suddenly asked, not pausing his hips as he continued to fuck you leisurely.

You propped yourself up on your elbows, spread your legs wider for him and moaned as he slid an arm around you to support your back.

“Why, are you hungry?” You tried getting a read on the clock, but the bouncing from his thrusts were making it hard to get a steady view.

“I rarely eat breakfast.” Kylo shook his head, making you laugh.

“And why is that?” You gasped as your orgasm took you by surprise, fireworks going off underneath your skin.

Kylo pulled out, let you flop down onto the mattress with a blissed out grin, and jerked himself off, happy to come all over your stomach and tits with a grunt.

He let out a content sigh as he fell onto the mattress next to you, pressing his face into your side. You lifted your arm so he could settle in properly next to you, wrapped it around him when he decided to glue himself to your body, a tangle of sticky limbs. 

“Too much to do, not nearly enough hours in the day, as it would seem.” He muttered, watching through lidded eyes as you lifted your free hand and began swirling little patterns in the come that had spattered onto you.

“And here I thought I would be the busy one.” You mused, regarding him with a playful expression.

“I have every intention of spending all of my spare time with you, my dear. In fact,” He shifted himself around, moving down towards your thighs, “Just because I don’t sit for breakfast doesn’t mean I’m not…hungry.”

“Oh?” You asked, your jellied legs twitching for his touch.

“I think I might very well indulge in a bite to eat right now.” He nodded, big nose trailing along the soft skin of your inner thigh.

He parted your lips and licked up some of your come that slid out, tongue hot and flat against your pussy.

“Kylo!” You gasped, a hand flying to his hair, wanting to keep him there.

You were still floating from your orgasm, this felt like you had somehow gotten the key to heaven.

“So sweet, delicious.” He praised, licked at your lips a few more times before pulling your legs over his shoulders and really diving into your pussy.

Your moans were high and coming in long whines, your hips wanting nothing more than to lift and press your cunt up against his face. Kylo held you down, content to continue his slow, lazy, insistent speed.

“Yes!” You gasped when he began to suck on your clit, not too hard, but hard enough to get the bundle of nerves to send shockwaves through your body, to get your toes to curl.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, that had you snapping back to reality.

“Lord Ren?” A timid voice sounded from the hallway.

You looked to your husband, who had not even so much as stuttered in his pace.

“Come in, Dopheld!” Kylo called out, much to your immediate panic.

“Kylo!” You swatted his shoulder, having only the time to cover your chest by crossing your arms over them before the door opened.

Kylo, to his credit, didn’t bother looking up. Standing in the doorway was the footman, who clearly hadn’t anticipated this sort of wake-up call.

“Oh goodness, my apologizes, I-I can come back – ” The footman stammered, shielding his vision.

Kylo made out with your cunt for a moment or two longer before looking up, his mouth and chin shining and wet from your come and slick.

“No, Dopheld, have the kitchen prepare a formal breakfast, to be served within the hour.” Kylo said in a tone that brooked no argument.

He fingered you while his mouth was preoccupied with talking, and despite all your manners, you let your body relax again and a long moan escaped your throat.

“Y-yes, sir.” Dopheld, the footman had gone bright red in the face, and you could tell Kylo was enjoying every minute of it as he kept on fingering you.

“And please have Mrs. Phasma bring up the packages from Paris, they should be here by now, should they not?” Kylo asked with surprising clarity, not like he had been fucking you for the past however long.

“Oh!” You gasped, your back arching as you fucked yourself on his hand, lost in your own pleasure.

“Yes sir, of course sir.” Dopheld was decidedly looking anywhere else, even though from his view he could only see your side profiles, much of which Kylo covered with his own body.

“We’ll be down in an hour, won’t we, (Y/N)?” Kylo asked you in all seriousness, and you nodded.

“Yes!” You cried out, when it clearly was not enough for him and he pinched your clit to elicit such a response. “Oh, yes, yes!”

Dopheld took that as his cue to leave, and as soon as the door shut, Kylo laughed and laughed.

You were mortified, but not angry. Only Kylo would be so bold, you thought.

In all his laughter, your husband’s hand had slipped from your pussy, and you sat up, embarrassed laughter bubbling up in your own chest.

“Do you often humiliate your staff?” You asked, incredulously.

“Oh It’s all in fun.” He waved off your concern, “Besides, I like them knowing that I have you.”

“That you do.” You agreed, warmth blooming in your chest.

Kylo sighed, reaching for his pocket-watch that sat on the bedside table. He clicked it open and squinted as the light reflected off the glass, before shutting it.

“I think we have time to make you come again.” He said sweetly, kissing your tits and resuming his spot between your legs.

“How do you want me?” You asked, the last vestiges of your initial distress having completely melted away as he ate you out to completion.

* * *

Once you and Kylo had had your fill of one another for the time being, Kylo stood and stretched his body properly for the day. You reached for your chemise and pulled it over your head, and stood up as well.

Kylo hugged you to him for a moment, breathing you in.

“Mrs. Phasma has run you a bath, I shall meet you in the dining room for breakfast?” He asked, pinching your chin between his thick fingers.

A bath sounded absolutely heavenly, you thought, you felt as though your muscles could do with a good soaking in addition to getting cleaned from the various sounds of sex.

“Alright, might I have a kiss before you go?” You puckered your lips playfully, grinning when Kylo swooped down and planted one square on the mouth.

You wrangled out of his hold, laughing all the way as you tip-toed to the bathroom.

The bathroom was compact but very clean and very modern. It was a long room, not terribly wide, but completely filled with all of the luxuries of the day. There was barely any visible plumbing, which impressed you greatly! You thought the stuff looked so clunky.

The room was tiled with fashionable white marble, and wainscot paneling. The fixtures were all porcelain, but with soft yellow trim to match the exterior of the house and general theme of the estate. There was even a bouquet of wildflowers set in the window.

The fixed clawfoot tub was already filled with water and soaps to made thick frothy bubbles float to the surface, and you eagerly shucked your chemise to step into the piping hot bath.

“Lady Ren?” A voice accompanied by a knock sounded from the bathroom door.

“Come in!” You replied happily, submerged fully and hidden by a mountain of fluffy white bubbles.

In stepped a petite woman, dressed simply yet cleanly, with her dark hair covered by a lovely linen cap. She held a beautiful dress draped across her arms, and when she curtseyed to greet you, she took care not to let it touch the floor.

“Lord Ren has picked this out for you, do you mind wearing it?” She asked, lifting the dress so the light could catch it.

It was nearly black, perhaps a very dark green, with a sheer bodice and sleeves made of translucent floral fabric. There was very little surface decoration, but the draping was absolutely magnificent, and the green silk fell in perfectly symmetrical voluminous plumes down the sides.

“If Lord Ren has picked it out for me, then it would be an honor to wear it.” You smiled from the tub.

The woman carefully set the dress down on a cushioned bench, and she herself sat down on the edge of the tub, handing you the various body soaps and potions to be used in the bath.

“You’re very kind to him, I hope it’s not too out of turn for me to express how happy that makes all of us.” She said, clearly afraid of being scolded.

You only smiled and smoothed the soaps over your skin.

“I’m very aware of his shortcomings, but he’s never been unpleasant to me.” You replied, the woman nodding.

“He has one of the _worst_ tempers I’ve ever seen on a man, but contrary to what others might say, he’s not violent towards other people. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather a man take his anger out on some old vases than on a scullery maid.” She laughed a little.

“Is that what you are? A scullery maid?” You asked, frowning.

You thought scullery maids weren’t supposed to leave the kitchens.

“Yes, ma’am. My apologizes, my name is Rose. My sister, Paige worked for Lord Ren as well, but well, she fell ill and passed last year.” The woman, Rose, fidgeted with her nails.

“I’m so sorry to hear that.” Your eyes softened, but Rose just waved it away.

“Thank you, but it’s alright. Lord Ren was kind and paid for all her expenses, not many would have done that.” She said, smiling once again.

“He’s very wealthy, isn’t he?” You chuckled, of course that would be the sort of thing he would do.

“Yes, one of the wealthiest in the country. But he doesn’t make a big fuss of it, unlike some.” Rose nodded, and you reached out to take her hand in your own.

“I’m glad that he used his wealth for good then.” You said sincerely, knowing that while it may not have helped heal Rose’s heart, it certainly would have given her less to stress about.

“He does often! Much of his money goes towards charities and to aid social reform. I think you’re quite similar in that regard, if I’ve heard correctly.” Rose winked, giving your hand a kind squeeze.

“That makes me very happy to hear, thank you Rose.” You squeezed back.

* * *

“You’re wearing it.” Kylo said with a grin as he stood when you entered the sitting room.

Rose had helped you dry off and dress, and she even helped you do your hair. You felt entirely like a new woman, a very satisfied one, albeit starving. You were so pleased to see Kylo looking so smart as well, in a matching green suit jacket and cream colored trousers.

“I was told you chose it special.” You blushed, reaching for his arm.

“I did, and I was right, you look stunning in it.” Kylo happily gave it to you, and the two of you made a lazy walk towards the dining room.

“Fit to dine at your side?” You asked, teasing.

“I fear I may be the one unworthy.” Kylo replied with a kiss to your cheek.

You smiled into the kiss, caught his mouth with your own, as you arrived at the dining room.

“Good morning Lord Ren, Lady Ren!” The butler from yesterday greeted you with a quick bow.

He opened the dining room door for you both, to reveal an absolutely stuffed table.

You didn’t think you had ever seen this much food on a table in your life, and you had been to plenty of high society parties and charity balls in your day! Fruit was currently decorating the table, set atop beautiful silver dishes.

There were melons cut into slices and arranged by color, a pinwheel of pink, green, and yellow. Baskets of apples and peaches were placed around the dishes, and a bountiful selection of green and red grapes were dramatically draped over the rim of tall silver goblets. There were plates of pears and even peeled oranges!

And this was only the first course!

“Good morning Mr. Thanisson, I see Dopheld did right by me and asked for the full breakfast.” Kylo replied, leading you to your seat.

Mr. Thanisson followed behind, leaving the door open to allow for more flow of air and natural light.

“That he did, although I must admit we were all quite surprised to hear the order come through, considering.” Mr. Thanisson cleared his throat.

“Lady Ren enjoys breakfasts. Perhaps in the future we’ll have an informal one, but as this is our only proper morning in the house before our departure, I thought it best to treat her.” Kylo smiled fondly at you.

“We leave tomorrow?” You asked, piling your plate high with your choice of the very best looking fruits, your empty stomach excited at the prospect of such a large breakfast.

“Yes, the ship sets sail at noon exactly.” Kylo said, with Mr. Thanisson nodding in agreement. “I am aiming to arrive at the very least two hours beforehand, so we may shop in the port and board the ship without any trouble.”

“Sounds wise. What’s on the agenda for the day then?” You wondered aloud, hoping it was nothing too strenuous. You weren’t sure if you could handle all the excitement of any sort of excursion.

“Packing, mostly. I’ve taken the liberty of purchasing dresses for you to wear aboard the ship, I’d very much like for you to try them on and pick the ones you’ll be taking.” Kylo replied, much to your relief.

“All new outfits?” Your eyebrows shot up, when had he had the time for such a thing?

“Yes, from Paris when I last vacationed a few weeks ago. I hope you don’t mind.” Kylo asked, taking a sip of milk from a beautiful crystal cup.

“No not at all! I’m just excited, I quite like new things.” You grinned.

“Good, because I have every intention of giving them to you.” Kylo replied seriously, “I’m aware ladies must change dress numerous times a day, so I’ve done some rough calculations and purchased twenty dresses and ten blouse and skirt combinations, in the hopes that there will be at least enough to satisfy you for the journey.”

“That’s very generous.” You smiled into your own glass of milk.

The fruit was taken away, replaced with large silver platters of the main hot breakfast.

The main event seemed to be the deviled lobster, as it was most handsomely arranged atop bright leafy greens. You were served a cheese-filled omelet and there were numerous kinds of muffins to choose from – blueberry, raspberry, banana-nut. Freshly churned butter was placed near them, and you wasted little time slathering some of the stuff onto a warm muffin, sighing happily at the flavor of it.

“I only hope that you like them, please don’t be afraid to tell me if you don’t.” Kylo said, serving himself some of the lobster and eating his own omelet. “From our previous encounters, I was always very impressed with your style. I always thought you were the most smartly dressed woman in the room.”

“It would be remiss of me not to mention that I felt very much the same way, during our meetings. You have a very distinct look, I find that I’m drawn to it. I feel bad for the poor men who must share your company out and about, how you upstage them all with your quiet elegance and handsome nature.” You blushed, wiping your mouth with a napkin.

“I’ve been called many things but handsome is not one of them.” Kylo shook his head, making your chest tighten with sadness. Were people truly so cruel to him?

“I look forward to telling you every day, then, until you learn it is less a kindness and more a simple truth.” You reached across the table and gave his hand the same reassuring squeeze that you had given that scullery maid, not an hour more.

Kylo’s firm grip in your hand felt all the more lovely.

For the next course of this never-ending breakfast, chicken was served fried with rice. After that, it was time for a dessert of frozen punch, pastries and jellies, which you happily picked through.

“It’s a shame your lady’s maid couldn’t join you to live here.” Kylo said, sipping his coffee that was brought out to conclude the breakfast.

It had to have been nearing noon already, and you were pleasantly stuffed full with such a wonderful arrangement of foods. So stuffed, that you almost missed what your husband had said.

“Sarah? Yes, but it’s for the best. She wasn’t the most honest of women.” You frowned, not wanting to dwell on your last encounter with her just days before your wedding, how she had stolen jewelry from your vanity and made off in the middle of the night with it.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Kylo swallowed, clearly having mis-stepped.

“Don’t be, things happen. I’m only feeling slightly overwhelmed at the thought of dressing myself on the ship. I’m not sure how it is for men, but women’s clothing really requires a helping hand, or two.” You sighed, adding probably an unhealthy amount of cream and sugar to your own cup of coffee.

“What makes you think you’ll be left to fend for yourself?” Kylo asked with a frown, making you frown right back.

“Well surely you’ll be busy – ” You started but he only shook his head.

“Busy on my honeymoon?” He asked rhetorically, “I meant what I said this morning: I fully intend on spending all of my free time with you. I will help you dress, as many times a day as necessary.” He smiled.

You were nearly in shock! It was practically unheard of for a man to dress a woman, let alone that man be a husband of a wife. You stirred your sugar into your coffee cup gently, taking care not to hit the fine china too harshly with the side of the silver spoon.

Kylo really was unique, wasn’t he? From the way he wore his hair to his social politics – absolutely unique. You blushed, glad that he wanted to be of such help to you, of such true companionship.

Everyone had encouraged you to get a lover, that you wouldn’t have to spend time with your husband if you didn’t like him; but the more you actually spoke with him, the more you found that you could see yourself spending a great deal of time with him.

A great deal of time indeed.

“Thank you.” You said, sincerely.

“And as soon as we return from our time in America, we’ll look into getting a new lady’s maid for you.” Kylo replied, with a bit of a twinkle in his eye, “One who is honest.”

* * *

“Have you picked what you’re going to wear?” Kylo asked later in the day when tea was being served.

“Yes, I’ve laid them out on the bed. You made it so difficult to choose!” You laughed, and it had been a difficult process indeed.

It took you hours to sort through all of it, you agonized over which of the numerous stunning things you would wear aboard the ship.

But you had done it, your choices had been made finally – and just in time.

You had been told by Rose to meet Kylo in the garden at four o’clock. She had helped you change into a tea-dress for the occasion. The bodice of this dress was made of white muslin fabric, which was light and breezy in the warm sunshine of the garden, and the skirt of the dress was a combination of embroidered lace and netting which provided both a beautiful tiered look, as well as breathability. It matched your favorite hat, the one with the doves, so Rose pinned it to your hair and off you went to meet your husband outside.

“The decisions aren’t finished yet, you still need to pick hats and jewelry.” Kylo said as he ate a small finger sandwich.

“Kylo you’re going to exhaust me.” You laughed brightly, making him grin.

“No, that comes later in the evening.” He winked, and you could feel your face flush at his suggestion.

“Must I wait so long?” You whined playfully, setting down your coffee cup to adjust your chair closer to Kylo. You placed a hand on his knee, and bat your eyelashes at him.

“Finish your tea.” He was immune to your advancements – for now. There was no denying the smirk that he tried to hide behind his teacup.

The gardens were gorgeous, truly. Kylo must have owned over a thousand acres of land, but all were kept well managed and populated with fashionable shrubbery, flower beds, fields, and of course, the large pond that you had seen yesterday.

The swans were once again floating atop the still waters, and you smiled.

This April was decidedly warm, you thought as you opened your parasol and propped it up against your shoulder to shield the sun from your eyes.

Despite you and Kylo’s teasing with one another, neither of you were in any particular hurry to finish your tea.

Kylo had procured a newspaper from the other end of the table and was reading the latest happenings of the world. You wished you could rest your head on his shoulder and read the paper alongside him, but your ostentatiously large hat and hair meant you couldn’t.

Instead, you fanned yourself gently and drank your tea, watching the goings-ons of the gardens.

Occasionally, you could see horses being exercised by grooms, landscapers and groundskeepers trimming the hedges.

“I’m going to walk for a bit, care to join?” You decided, but Kylo shook his head.

“I’ll watch from here, if that’s alright.” He smiled, taking your hand and kissing it.

“Of course.” You smiled back, not bothered in the least, “I won’t go far.”

You marveled at how new the house and grounds really were, how it so clearly reflected the times. Long gone were the rigid rules of the stuffy old Victorian era! Instead the gardens emulated the handmade nature of the Arts and Crafts movement which had begun not too long ago.

As you walked along the stone pathways, you saw formal pools, fountains, rills, hand-built gazebos and wisteria-clad rustic pergolas. The architecture of such elements were interwoven with the plants, softening the harsh lines and creating something of a magical blend between nature and man.

You marveled at the neat, box-hedged beds that were practically billowing with roses, how the stone paths were often bordered by beautifully manicured herbs. You passed by verdant lawns and bowling greens, tennis courts and shady loggias for tea, much like the one Kylo was watching you from now.

You noticed a pattern in the plants that were used, and began to identify some of the familiar ones: peonies, irises, lavender, delphiniums, edgings of bergenia, and foxgloves. There were more, but you couldn’t name them. You made a mental note to ask Kylo about them later.

You walked through the topiary garden, which was a maze of yew hedges with piers, buttresses and archways topped by more greenery that was trimmed into birds and animals.

It was in short, magnificent.

When you returned to your husband, nearly an hour had passed, and the sun was beginning to sink ever lower towards the horizon.

“Might I ravish you now?” He asked, and you grinned.

You had thought there could be nothing that beat the beauty of your gardens, but one look at Kylo proved you wrong.

* * *

“You were so good to me this morning, let me return the favor?” You asked once the two of you were back in your bedroom, frantically undoing all of the clasps and buttons and snaps and ties that kept your bare bodies at bay.

You grew frustrated and simply dropped to your knees, fished out his cock and gave it a good few strokes.

“I’m going to make a mess of you.” Kylo groaned, hips swaying forward as you began kissing the head, rubbing his dick on your mouth and letting your lips part just enough so that you could lick a stripe up the shaft.

“I like being messy.” You grinned up at him, tugged the pins out of your har and nearly tossed your hat across the room so Kylo could get a handful of your hair.

You rucked up his shirt from where it was tucked into the trousers, and sucked kisses into the exposed strip of skin there. You loved his happy trail, nosed along it as you kissed and nipped your way all over. You stroked him off while you kissed his abs and his hips, tongue flicking on that delicious line where his lower abs and his obliques met.

“(Y/N).” Kylo moaned, making you smile.

Your thumb rubbed circles on the head of Kylo’s cock, collecting the wetness that had begun to bead there. You used that to lubricate your hand, jerked him off in earnest.

“Fuck.” He huffed, thighs already growing tense.

You kissed your way back down his stomach but bypassed his cock entirely, choosing instead to fondle and roll his balls in your hand.

“I can’t wait for you to blow your load down my throat.” You looked up at him through your lashes, making him nearly keel over.

“Oh yeah?” He asked, grip flexing in your hair.

“Mhm, I’m going to swallow every drop of it.” You promised, giving his balls a gentle squeeze.

His dick was handsomely curved, you could only imagine the outline of it as it went down your throat, could already taste the bitter saltiness of his come, as you watched slick drip from the head.

You finally gave in to his silent pleas, and swiped your tongue along his frenulum. You flicked it again, and he _did_ keel over then, with a surprised shout and a sharp thrust that had his cock go so far down your throat that your nose was tickled by his pubic hair.

You gagged on it, not ready for it in that exact moment, and he pulled away immediately, giving you air.

“Shit, I’m sorry – ” Kylo gasped, grasping the nearest piece of furniture that he could so he wouldn’t go falling on top of you.

“Don’t apologize!” You replied quickly, “Do it again.”

“Do it again?” He asked with a bewildered frown.

“Yeah, make me gag on your cock.” You nodded, eager, so eager.

Spit was hanging off of your chin, and tears had sprung up in the corner of your eyes, but you had never felt so filthy, never felt so _used._ So you wanted it again, wanted to feel like a whore for him.

He grinned.

He wasted little time in fisting your hair tight, holding your head in place as he fucked your throat. You opened open as wide as you could go, and breathed through your nose whenever he needed to take a moment to breathe himself.

“You’re so fucking pretty.” He grumbled, like he was mad at you for that, and if your jaw weren’t so stretched, you probably would have laughed.

He thrust in and out of you, the head of his cock smacking the roof of your mouth each time he pulled almost all the way out.

You did your best to avoid nicking him with your teeth, but once he had you pressed nearly flush to his body, there was no room to do anything but enjoy being taken apart.

Kylo was moaning and groaning above you, and the whole ordeal was making you wet.

You reached down to touch yourself, figured that if he could chase his pleasure so could you.

You fingered yourself and moaned around his cock, and he came quickly down your throat, blowing his load just like you had asked.

You swallowed, a woman of your word, but you weren’t satisfied yet, your hand still shoved between your legs.

“Let me.” Kylo said, voice hoarse.

He manhandled you so that you were on your knees facing away from him, and his hand curled around your hip and slid between your soaking wet folds.

“Please,” you breathed, back flush with his chest, his other hand squeezing your breast tightly.

“Please what?” He asked, low in your ear.

“Please let me come!” You cried out, and he nodded, you could feel him nodding against your neck as he moved his fingers faster.

He rubbed circles and flicked and pinched and pulled and prodded and thrust until you were coming, your hand flying to his to keep it there as you gushed around him, absolutely drenching your hand and even dripping onto the floor.

“See, told you, messy.” Kylo panted, finally pulling his hand away.

You laughed, exhausted, and licked your own come off his fingers.

* * *

“Are you excited for the trip?” Kylo asked later, in bed.

You had both rushed through dinner, eager to lock yourselves in the bedroom once more.

Kylo stripped you down and fucked you for a good long while after dinner, fucked you until you were screaming, tearing at the pillows once more. It was such a liberating feeling, getting so thoroughly pleasured in one day, by his mouth, his hands, his cock.

“Very much so!” You replied, now lying on his chest, listening to his heartbeat steady out into something less frantic, something more normal and less overly passionate. “What shall we do when we’re in New York?”

“Whatever you’d like.” Kylo’s hand began idly untangling some sex-induced knots that had wound up in your hair from all his gripping. “We’ve got a room in the Waldorf-Astoria, it’s got beautiful views of the city.”

“Will there be parties?” You hummed, eyes closing and enjoying the post-sex glow.

“Of course, and we’ll attend them all, if you’d like.” Kylo nodded, his own eyes closed as well. “I’m going to buy you flowers from the Union Square Greenmarket, take you to see the sheep in Prospect Park.”

“Can we walk the Brooklyn Bridge? I heard they had elephants cross it to test if it was safe! Imagine that, seeing an elephant!” You chuckled, so excited, well and truly excited. “Could we go to the zoo? That famous one in the Bronx?”

“When we’re back from New York why don’t we go to Africa? You can see the elephants there, in the wild, not in some sad cage far from home.” Kylo suggested, making you hum thoughtfully.

“Do you think it wise? With all the fighting that’s been going on there? It might be in poor taste.” You thought out loud.

“There’s fighting going on all over the globe. It’s truly a beautiful continent, perhaps we’ll go to Egypt, or Nigeria.” Kylo waved it off, not concerned in the slightest.

“Will we spend no time at home then?” You chuckled, making him crack an eye open at you with a smile.

“We have the rest of our lives to entertain in the sitting room, I’d much rather take advantage of our youth and see the world.” He said, tugging playfully at a bit of your hair.

“Let us make plans for the future once we have fully enjoyed our current plans.” You decided, nuzzling your face into his chest and neck, “Tell me about the Titanic, what shall we do while we’re on board?”

“Well I may have sprung for the premium suites, so our rooms are quite large, and we’re given access to a private promenade. It’ll be good to walk the ship, see the sights and show off.” He mused.

“What else?” You pressed sleepy kisses along the underside of his jaw.

“There’s a gymnasium and a heated swimming pool as well, we’ll take advantage of those.” He listed off, tracing patterns onto your hair and back, “Of course the orchestras and the dining rooms and the sitting rooms and and and – ”

“Kylo!” You interrupted him with a laugh, could tell he was starting to slip into sleep. “I have very little interest in a gymnasium, but the pool sounds lovely. How funny that is, to put water inside a boat.”

“It is ironic, isn’t it?” Kylo asked, with a chuckle, baritone already growing fuzzy to your ears. “Perhaps we’ll go down and watch a squash match too.”

“Oh I’m so excited, I really am.” You sighed, letting sleep finally take hold as Kylo’s hand stilled from slumber against you, “Just think, in twenty-four hours we’ll be aboard the largest ship in the world.”

You couldn’t wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! If you're familiar at all with my historical works, you'll know that I often like to include some pieces of information or trivia in the end notes! So please enjoy some fun Edwardian facts :)
> 
> \- Typically in high aristocratic society, formal breakfasts are served anywhere from 10am to 12:30pm, and are just as lavish as I've described here. Informal breakfasts are far more frequent, as they require much less effort lol  
> \- Most women typically did not sleep naked, usually always wearing at the very least their chemise to protect the sheets from night-time sweat or other...bodily fluids lol  
> \- Edwardian bathrooms were the pinnacle of modernity for the gilded age, and a house was often judged on it's concealment of plumbing, and it's level of luxury. A bathroom could make or break a summer retreat! This was because around the 1910 mark, society was becoming increasingly aware that good sanitation is imperative to good health.   
> \- One of the biggest past-times aboard the Titanic was showing off wealth, which we'll get into in later chapters. Women typically changed 3-4 times a day: one outfit for breakfast, another for 'promenading', another for any sort of special activity that might take place that day, and then finally, the most extravagant dress was for dinner.   
> \- Edwardian gardens were another modern luxury of the time, and there was a very real shift from the rigid and perfect-ness of Victorian era gardens, to a more natural, handmade approach.   
> \- The Waldorf-Astoria was at the time the most expensive and famous hotel in the country, possibly the world, depending on who you ask.   
> \- The "fighting" reader talks about refers to what's known as 'The Scramble for Africa.' Which took place from the late 1800s to around 1914 (halted mostly because of the outbreak of WW1), but we'll get to that later.   
> \- Kylo paid for a premium suite aboard the the Titanic. A premium ticket cost 870 pounds, which would equate to $4,350. In today's money, that's roughly $100,000. Very very expensive. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	3. Wednesday - April 10th

The train ride to the port was one filled with so much anticipation you were sure you would simply burst. The small sectioned off room where you and your husband sat was lavishly decorated with beautifully dark wood walls and paneling, brass fixtures, and blue velvet cushioned seats. There was a small table between you where Kylo sipped a drink and you lightly picked your fork at a warm cranberry muffin that you really had no interest in actually eating, your stomach too unsettled from the nerves of embarking on such an adventure as this, your honeymoon.

America, sailing to New York aboard the Titanic of all things! Never in a million years would you have ever dreamt that such a vacation would be yours.

You sat with your hand twined with Kylo’s, as you looked out the train window. True to his word, your husband rose exceptionally early, waking you with him. In no time at all, you found yourself dressed and eagerly making the journey from the estate to the docks of Southampton.

Dopheld and Rose had both joined you, although they sat in the next room over on the train, which was reserved for the servants of the first class passengers. You and Kylo were exchanging knowing smiles and excited glances as the overcast sky was broken by patches of sunshine. You longed to rest your head on his shoulder, but you had been done up completely in all your new finery from Paris, and the hat atop your head was so large that you’d most likely accidentally hit Kylo in the face with all your feathers, if you were to try.

So instead, you looked out the window, completely entranced, and Kylo looked at you, his free hand that was not being held by your own reaching up occasionally to brush against the soft skin just below your ear. It was a tender touch that had you smiling, a smile which only grew as the train chugged its way through the town, officially drawing the journey to a close.

“Kylo! My darling, is that it?” You asked, nearly plastering yourself to the window as a great ship came into view.

You were not the only one who had noticed or anticipated the arrival, and as the train got closer and closer to the port, there was a very palpable energy that could be felt throughout the entire room.

Kylo nodded, gave your hand an affectionate squeeze as he sipped some brandy he had ordered from the food service aboard the train.

“I cannot think of anything else it could be.” Kylo said, peering around your hat to get a look at the ship, the RMS Titanic, “Isn’t she grand?”

It had to be nearly a thousand feet long, and it felt just as tall, the way the great smokestacks protruded into the air, only contributing to the England-typical foggy weather. Birds swirled around the cables and squawked and cawed, and you could see the small dots of crewman wandering the ship, preparing it for all the new passengers which would board it on its maiden voyage.

You were giddy from the size of it alone, wishing the train would finally come to a stop so that you could get off of it and onto the vessel.

“Oh Heavens it’s enormous! Absolutely enormous. I’ve never seen such a ship in all my life.” You grinned, and such a reaction made Kylo smile softly at you.

“Do you like it?” He asked, kissing your satin gloved hand, and you laughed brightly, for that would truly be the understatement of the century.

“Like it? I adore it! I have no idea how such a thing can float, surely it would be too heavy and sink – yet here she is, a true marvel.” You cannot stop looking at it, at this feat of engineering.

“The only thing worth marveling at, is you my sweet.” He said, making you blush and duck your chin just so, unused to such blatant confessions.

When the whistle of the train blew and the brakes came to a squeaky halt, it took everything in you to calmly stand and collect yourself, arm looped through Kylo’s as you made your way out of the train hall and down the stairs where you met up with Dopheld and Rose as the two handled your baggage.

Speaking of baggage, you cannot help but stare in wonder as great mechanical cranes lifted platforms piled high with trunks, high into the air and onto the ship from right there on the port. You thought of all the things they had to build specifically for this ship, for the whole of the White Star line. You imagined that the berth had to be custom built as well, not believing that any port could accommodate a ship of this magnitude with ease.

Being that it was the Titanic, the port was simply packed, swarming with people. From all walks of life and classes, passengers dressed in their absolute best awaited entry to the ship. The noise was practically deafening, between the overlapping conversations of a thousand men women and children, that you were so surprised that through it all, your husband’s name was uttered in a tone that offered nothing but suspicion and disrespect.

As you, Kylo, Dopheld and Rose made your way through the crowds of people who were disembarking from the train, you could feel the judgmental stares from higher society who had come off of the first train only moments prior.

“Look – everyone look it’s Lord Ren.” One of them, a woman wearing a fashionable black and white striped dress whispered loudly, not doing anything to really conceal her disdain.

“Oh and that must be his bride, wonder how she hasn’t hanged herself yet.” Her companion, another fashionable young woman in deep purple silks laughed behind her fan.

“Wonder how he hasn’t yet killed her himself.” A third wearing such a largely feathered hat that you wondered how she did not topple straight over, glared harshly in your direction.

Your grip on Kylo’s arm only tightened, and you take it upon yourself to put them in their place.

“Pay them no mind.” You said loudly to your husband, more so for the benefit of them hearing you say it than anything else, “One would think being in the presence of such breathtaking sights would inspire more stimulating conversation than this vapid group is spewing.”

The women gasp in shock, offended, affronted, and you only smirk to yourself and to Kylo, as he fights a smile of his own.

“I am sorry my darling, that you must bear witness to such frivolity. Shall we explore the docks?” He offers, going along with you, but you only shoot the women a look.

“Please.” You say, making a point to dramatically turn your back to the women, your own ruffles and lace and feathers coming across much more elegantly than their ill-fitting garments.

You don’t get too far, before other people begin to take notice.

“Lord Ren!” One of the crewmen came running up to you and Kylo, “Sir I beg your pardon, it is an honor to be in the presence of such nobility. Please, may I take your bags?” He asked, and Dopheld was more than eager to hand them all over, the many trunks and boxes that Kylo had packed for you.

“Oh yes thank you my good sir, I am putting my trust in you, these are mostly belonging to my wife, and we don’t dare want to misplace them.” Kylo slipped him a large note, and the man’s eyes widened, bowing in respect.

“No sir, not at all sir, right away sir!” He said, before disappearing towards where those large electric cranes were, no doubt knowing exactly which room would be yours to put them in.

Kylo leads the way through the people, and you can’t help but feel so excited, a true sense of adventure at this moment. You had never been to America before, never left the continent at all – and what a grand first journey this would be!

Suddenly, you are nearly knocked into quite harshly a young man with a shock of blonde hair comes darting between you and Kylo, whooping and cheering like he had just won the lottery. He’s shouting, held a big sack over his shoulder, and waves a slip of paper in his hand as he and a friend cut through the crowd.

“Watch it!” Kylo barked, immediately righting you in his arms, helping you regain your footing from where he had nearly made you go crashing to the ground.

“Sorry mister!” The young man tossed over his shoulder, but Kylo is far more interested in you.

“Are you alright?” He asked, checking you over, searching your face for any signs that you had been harmed. Instead he finds signs that you are on the verge of panicking – for you are, and you’re finding it difficult to breathe just from the sheer spectacle of it all.

“Yes, yes of course. Just a little overwhelmed is all, there are a great many people.” You tried to explain, but Kylo shushed you gently, held you close as he took your fan from your free hand and waved your face with it.

“You are in dire need of fresh air, Dopheld please, would you help clear a path for (Y/N)?” He asked, and the boy immediately nodded, more than willing to help you.

“Make way!” He shouted, parting a path like he were some prophet.

“Could we please just go onto the ship? I apologize, I didn’t realize how crowded it would be.” You tried to apologize, feeling terrible for ruining the good mood of the afternoon.

The clock was striking a quarter until noon, leaving only fifteen minutes before the ship was set to depart, and you very badly needed to lie down. Kylo thankfully was in no mood to argue with you, as he seemed to never be, and instead was leading you through the path that Dopheld had cleared.

“You have nothing to apologize for, the gangplank is right this way.” He kissed you, square on the lips, making those around you gasp at such a display of affection.

You smiled at the show, face hot from a slight embarrassment at being the center of such attention, but Kylo paid no one any mind as he kissed you and kissed you and kissed you some more, to help calm you down.

As his tongue slid against yours, his arms wound around you and you sighed into his embrace. The poor man had to tilt his head awkwardly to avoid knocking over your hat, but you were thankful for such the large brim, as it concealed just how passionate the kiss was – concealed it from one side of you, at the very least.

When the disgruntled men and women gave way to wolf-whistles and jeers from those of the lower classes, did Kylo then pull away.

“Perhaps we should find our cabin straight away.” You suggested, and he only laughed loud, the sound of it unfortunately swallowed by a great big horn that was blown from the ship.

Feeling a new sense of invigoration, you and Kylo ran towards the gangplank up the gangplank, and onto the ship.

You passed the third-class passengers who were getting their health inspection, men and women and children all opening their eyes and mouths and ears for doctors to ensure that no disease or illness could be spread to the others aboard, crew and passenger alike.

A few people were turned away, and you felt a pang of sorrow for them, for how must it feel to be denied entry to such an incredible ship as this?

If you were afraid of heights, you did not look down, but it wouldn’t have even occurred to you to do so, to look back at the hundreds of faces who were waving the ship off. No, you were far too occupied with looking forward, up at your husband, at his handsome face in the sun which had finally managed to beat away the clouds.

Once aboard the deck of the ship, you gasp, hand covering your mouth, at the view.

It was, in a word, breathtaking.

The sunshine really had transformed the entire ship, the white paint practically glittered and shone like the diamonds which were scattered atop the water of the English Channel, casting a bright glow over the entire port.

The deck was a flurry of activity, those very same cranes you had seen were now swinging over your head as they lowered all manner of things aboard – luggage yes, but also great cars which were highly polished, sending a sparkle of their own. There were all sorts of men doing inspections all across the ship, and you spotted one man entirely in white doing such checks as well.

“Do you think that’s the captain?” You asked, excitement showing through your voice and general demeanor.

“I do believe so my dear.” Kylo followed your gaze to the man in white, a thick white beard to boot, “Would you like to meet him?”

“Meet him! No, no we couldn’t possibly. He must be so busy.” Your eyed widen comically as you wave off your flustered appearance. Only Kylo would be so bold as to make introductions to someone so important as the captain of all people.

“Perhaps another night then, we have all week, after all.” Kylo said, making you only shake your head.

The ship had begun to set sail, and you were thrilled by this, by the cheering, the fanfare, the orchestra playing up grand music, until you saw something of a pitiful sight.

“Why do you suppose there are so many of the same ship, over in the berth?” You asked, gesturing to the row of nearly identical boats docked in the harbor, all laid up against one another, listing from side to side.

“Lack of coal,” Rose piped up, her eyes bright as she offered the information she had read in the paper only that morning, “The miners have just finished their strike, there isn’t enough coal yet for all the ships to set sail. I heard they’re consolidating the passengers from the other ships onto the Titanic.”

“Will there be enough space for them all?” You asked, but Rose nodded happily.

“Of course, there’s no sense in overloading a ship with passengers she can’t hold. It will all be fine. Besides, we are not going to be seeing them much anyway, as we’re on the top deck.” She said, pride clear in her voice.

“First class is such a luxury.” You sighed dreamily, proud in your own rights as well.

Kylo kissed your knuckles, before kissing your lips once more out in the open, like the right scoundrel he was.

“It is one that I hope you grow accustomed to, for from now on you’ll never travel with anything less.” He murmured against your lips, no doubt earning him some dirty glares from the elderly passengers which were making their way out and about on the deck.

“I would like to just go to our cabin, if we might?” You asked, lowering your voice as you pressed your lips closer to his ear, “I’m afraid I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t get my hands on you this instant.”

Kylo only chuckled, and looked around as if he were a spy, searching for someone who might be after them. When he found no such pursuer, he pulled you back around one of the structures which housed a room you did not know. All that you knew was there was shade here in the back, and as Kylo pressed you up against the cool wall, you let yourself be kissed once again.

You had hoped that Rose and Dopheld had taken the hint, had gone to find the cabins themselves, or at the very least busy themselves while Kylo worked very hard at getting the bodice of your dress undone. It seemed to be a quiet corner of the ship, an intimate oasis where there was nothing but the wall, you, and the railing which gave a spectacular view of the port, of the channel beyond.

Kylo was not so concerned with the view, and was much more concerned with freeing your chest, with pulling your breasts up out of your corset so that he could bury his face between the cleavage. He sucked and kissed at your flesh, and you gasped lightly when you felt his fingers ruck up your skirt and petticoat, when you felt his hot hand branding your thigh as he searched through all the fabric to find the smooth skin between your legs, the wet slick of your pussy.

He truly was unashamed, as he released your cleavage from his mouth only to seal his lips over yours as you moaned into him, those deft fingers of his working you open more and more. It was entirely inappropriate, to do such a thing so out in the open, but there were no one around to judge you, not unless you counted the gulls which circled and flew low on the water.

“I am going to ravish you tonight.” Kylo promised, his fingers slowly pumping in and out of you, “But I made a promise to myself to make you come as soon as you stepped foot on this ship, and that’s what I aim to do.” He grinned, those crooked teeth of his which you found so endearing shining pearly white. 

“Kylo – ” You laughed, a laugh which turned into a long and low moan, such a thing he had to capture in his lips so that no one would find you, would see how he was touching you so, with your tits out as they were. 

“Shh, shh just enjoy it.” Kylo said, a third finger joining the others in your pussy.

You leaned all of your weight against the wall, and held his arm in place as he made out with you, eliciting the sweetest sounds and sighs of pleasure. His wrist was turned just so, that he could rub his thumb in lazy little circles on your clit, make your chest heave.

Your hips were unable to sit still, pelvis thrusting down onto his hand, and you were so close to reaching your climax, so close to coming – when all of a sudden the sound of gunshots rang clear and bright through the air.

Kylo moved faster than you had ever seen him, pulling his hand out from between your legs, out from under your skirt, arranging your breasts so they sat comfortably back in your corset and buttoning you into your bodice in record time. He grabbed your hand and the two of your raced from the side of the boat where you had been hiding away, into the fray of scrambling passengers who had all heard the same shots.

“Get down!”

“What was that?”

“Does anyone know?”

“Can someone tell us?”

In all the confusion, dogs began to bark and children began to wail, but you only clutched onto Kylo until crewmen came pouring out of the ship onto the deck, blowing their whistles to gain attention. They were giving no information however, only blowing their whistles, and that wasn’t helping anyone, wasn’t making anyone calm down. You ran to the side of the ship, and watched with fear as more and more gunshots sounded.

“(Y/N)!” Kylo chased after you, holding onto your hand as best as he could while you maneuvered your way through the gathering which had amassed on the side of the ship to listen to the gunshots, to look for the criminal.

Except they weren’t gunshots at all, what everyone was hearing was the sound of cables snapping, of chords and wires tearing apart, breaking free from the hull of those ships which had been laid up in the port, those same ships which had donated their coal in exchange for the Titanic accepting their passengers for this voyage.

The other boats belonging to the White Star line had broken free from their moorings and were heading right for you.

“My god, the ships are turning this way!” You shouted, causing an entirely new panic all your own.

The force from the propellers of the Titanic had caused such a stir in the waters, that it had rocked and swayed those boats docked in the port until they had come breaking free, and now they were being sucked towards the Titanic due to the sheer size of the ship.

No sooner than those words had left your lips, did tug-boats pour out into the water from the docks, armed with many experienced crewmen who seemingly were prepared for an event such as this.

The presence of the boats must have done something to displace all the water, to set the gravitational pull to rights once again, because as one of the ships came ever closer, as the people gasped and backed away as quickly as they could, suddenly it was all still once again.

“All clear!” The foreman blew his whistle, trying to calm the mass of people who were now shouting and yelling, demanding a refund or to be let off the ship immediately. You didn’t blame them, the boat was close enough that you could probably reach out a hand and smack the hull. “Everything is fine! Passengers please being to settle, we will be departing in half an hour.”

Your heart was beating hard in your chest, but Kylo was right there, right there behind you, holding you tight.

He held you in a way that said, ‘I will never let you go,’ and that reassured you more than words probably ever could.

Once the initial shock of the almost crash had passed, you began to laugh, the anxiety bubbling up out of you in a hiccupping chuckle that had nearly everyone around you confused, concerned.

“What a dramatic start to the trip!” You explained to the questioning eyes, and only then did they all nod in understanding, letting out a few laughs of relief themselves.

Kylo wasted no more time in getting your party together, leading you and the servants inside the main area of the ship, away from the deck. He was not laughing, a dangerous, angry glare cast over his features that had you worried.

Was it the interruption of your moment of intimacy? Had you reacted poorly to the near-crash? Or was he simply worried, and this was how he showed it? You didn’t know, you’d have to ask him when you were both safely tucked away in your cabin.

“Could you imagine if the boats had crashed, right here in the harbor? What a waste that would be.” Rose tutted, but Dopheld only shook his head.

“I wouldn’t be worried, she is unsinkable after all.” He pointed out, echoing the same slogan which they had been advertising this ship under for so many weeks now.

“Right you are, Dopheld.” Kylo replied, opening the grand doors to the first class reception lobby, “Right you are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (historical fun facts coming soon!) <3


	4. Dinner Guests

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! This story is far past due for an update, and I am pleased to announce that many will be coming in quick succession. I hope you enjoy the chapters so far, and are looking forward to the chapters to come! If you feel so inclined, please do feel free to leave a comment here, or come yell at me about this story over at my tumblr, which you can find @babbushka. 
> 
> Sending you all my love in these crazy times, please enjoy!

He scowled all the way to the cabins, but you tried to pay it no mind. Kylo seemed like the type of man that scowling came naturally to. His hold on your arm was light enough, and his pace was not unusually quick, so you chalked it up to a simple resting expression of intimidation and not any sour mood.

Although he would have good reason to be sour, you thought to yourself as he led you away from the decks of the ship and into the safety of the interior. Such a chaotic beginning to the honeymoon, surely he would be angry with the poor fortune. Such a start didn’t bode well, although you were determined to put the events behind you.

You tried your best to ignore the sights around you, knowing that there would come a time for great admiration of the furnishings of the ship. As it were, too many passengers were gawking and staring and pointing at the surroundings, and you wanted to escape their gasps and murmurs. People clogged the hallways, not walking in an orderly fashion, stopping abruptly right in your path, making you want nothing more than to simply get to your cabin and unwind.

Kylo, ever the mind-reader, cut a path through the crowd like nothing else could. Dopheld and Rose had disappeared to go alert some staff as to your whereabouts for the luggage to be directed, with the promise to meet again in the cabin soon.

In a cheeky manner, Kylo covered your eyes when you arrived in front of the door to your suite. You felt a bubble of joy light up inside you at the thought of getting a moment to lie down, a moment to simply breathe, all alone with your husband.

“Here we are, cabin C-55.” He whispered, uncovering your eyes and giving you a moment to take in the sights.

Kylo opened the door for you, and despite the finery that you were accustomed to, you nearly dropped your jaw with the sight. Why, it had to be one of the most opulent parlor suites aboard the Titanic. Completely decorated in a Regency style, you felt as though you were stepping back in time, stepping a hundred or so years into the decadence of the past.

“Oh, goodness it’s – ” You were at a loss for words, something that wasn’t really all that familiar of a feeling for you. You were used to having something to say about everything, but even the sitting room alone rendered you speechless. 

Or at least, the room which you entered immediately _looked_ to be a sitting room. You weren’t sure if the ship gave it an alternative title. Two port-hole windows were beautifully framed by cream colored curtains, embroidered with floral motifs, and the sunshine from the sea beyond cast the furnishings in an ethereal golden haze. The walls were a highly lacquered deep brown wood of a warm tone, wood paneling which was adorned by 24 carat gold-gilded accents which were reflected in the fabrics which covered the filigree carpeting.

Against the far wall was a beautiful mantle, where a fire could be lit if it got too chilly during the evenings. It was going to be a cold Spring, and you’d be passing through colder waters, so you looked forward to the idea of sitting by the fire with your husband, maybe stealing a kiss or two.

There was a round table surrounded by velvet cushioned chairs, many more chairs than you could all occupy at once. Such a sitting room was meant to be entertained, and you thought that perhaps over the course of your trip to New York, you might meet some new friends which you could invite back for a game of cards or perhaps tea.

“Do you like it?” Kylo asked, that scowl of his tipping further and further, not sure how to read your silence, as if he’d personally punish the architects and designers of the rooms for displeasing you.

You whirled around to face him, the skirt of your dress swishing from the excitement as you offered a wide grin to your husband to show your feelings which you couldn’t put into words.

“It’s breathtaking!” You settled upon, because that at least was the truth, that was something that couldn’t be denied. You walked further into the sitting room, ran your fingers across the wood paneling, admiring the electric lamps which sparkled crystalline, “Can you believe this is on a boat? All this finery?”

“Only the very best for you, only the very best that I can give, I’ll give to you.” Kylo smiled, relived that you were pleased.

How could you not be? How could you be anything other than incredibly grateful, to have a husband who knew next to nothing about you, and yet wanted to shower you in luxury? You knew other women, women who were not so fortunate, women who were almost shunned entirely by their husbands, who were treated with neglect and even on some occasions abuse, who had nothing more wanted from them than a son.

And they called _Kylo_ a monster -- how could people be so cruel?

“You’re terribly generous, I’m not so sure what I can offer in return.” You reached for his hand, suddenly feeling the weight of his wealth and wondering just why he felt the need to share it with you. Even a son didn’t feel a fair trade, for all the things he has bestowed upon you in the very short time you’ve known one another.

And oh, the way he looked at you, the way his eyes softened at the sadness in your tone. It was enough to break your heart, the way he grew confused at your apprehension.

“Your companionship is enough, truly.” He said, as if you must know that, as if it were obvious that _you_ were the treasure here, as if _you_ were the gift.

You didn’t know what to say to that either, but he didn’t give you an opportunity to respond, simply taking your hand and leading you into the bedroom.

Dopheld and Rose arrived then, remaining in the sitting room and began directing staff on the ship where to place your many trunks and things of luggage. You were glad for their assistance, and hoped that the servant’s quarters where they would be staying were even half as nice as the bedroom.

Like the sitting room, it wasn’t the most large room you had ever seen, but that was to be expected. This was no sprawling estate out in the countryside, this was a ship, and you were certain such matters needed to be taken into account. But what it lacked in size it made up for in opulence, just as the sitting room had.

The bed was large enough exactly for you and him, it would seem, and it was tucked against one of the walls. Where the sitting room had been deep rich reddish browns and golds, the bedroom was a wash of light ivory and a silvery lavender. The walls were covered in a satin wallpaper of a beautiful French regency design, matching the design of the carpeting in the sitting room, and the light bouncing off that silvery quality transferred into the air, making it seem like something out of a dream.

There was another table in the room, however there were exactly enough chairs for two people to share an intimate moment together, the table just large enough to perhaps hold hands across it. There was a chaise lounge covered in a deep red velvet which matched the colors of the comforters on the bed, and the ceiling was a sculpted ivory that matched the sheets. 

You boldly sat down on the bed, ran your hands through the soft plushness of the comforter which was lovingly tucked under the pillows, watched as your fingers drew patterns in the fabric.

“Shall we remain here for a while?” You asked, feeling suddenly anxious, feeling as though there was so much to see, so much to do. If the bedroom was this nice, how nice could the rest of the ship possibly be? The possibilities made your heart beat ever so quicker while you hinted, “Or would you like to explore the ship for some time? There’s so much to see, I fear we may not get to all of it before the trip is through.”

Kylo picked up your hints, and he smiled, nodded enough to let you know he knew what you were doing. He approached you, sat down next to you on the bed, took your hand between his own and pressed your knuckles to his lips.

“Whatever you are in the mood for blossom, I am at your disposal entirely.” Kylo said softly, voice so deep, so deep that it resonated through your corset straight to your very bones. You could feel his voice bouncing around in there, settling, making a home in your chest.

You found you loved the feeling, never wanted it to go away. No one had ever called you blossom before, you thought to yourself with a smile.

“Careful Kylo,” You said, watching as he traced gentle patterns onto the back of your hand with his large thumb, “Or you’ll find that I’ll want to be around you all the time.”

“There are worse things.” Kylo whispered, his hand coming up to press the tips of his fingers against the soft skin of your cheek.

“Walk with me? If I stay here with you I’ll never leave this bed.” You covered his hand with your own, reveling in the feeling of his touch upon your face. His hand was warm and only the smallest bit sweaty, endearing.

Kylo blushed, and nodded, with the promise that there would be much fun to be had in the bed in the evening to come.

* * *

The sunshine on your face elicited a great sigh of happiness from your lips, as you leaned slightly against one of the grand windows of the promenade. How ingenious to have the long walkway covered, to have it closed off. You were certain that should it simply be an open deck, men’s hats and women’s shawls would simply be whisked away into the ocean.

And oh what a monument it was -- the ocean! How it glittered sapphire underneath the late afternoon sun. Golden ripples of light shimmered in the distance, cut through only by the black silhouette of a seagull’s wings. You and Kylo walked down the promenade, both preening under the approving gazes of the other passengers.

It was a luxury to even be here, up on the promenade. A private access for first class passengers only, and my, were you and Kylo among some of the more wealthy and notable pairs that had graced the polished and waxed deck floors.

Still, it was important to impress, important to make your presence known.

And impress you did with your outfits. You’d both be changing for dinner of course, changing into much finer fabrics and cuts of cloth, but for this stroll in the beautiful weather you elected to don a more casual look.

Kylo had changed into a handsomely tailored three-piece lightweight tweed suit in a cream color so unlike the rich blacks you had seen him in before. He wore a striped button-down shirt underneath his vest, the stripes a light red color that matched your dress wonderfully. To shield the sun from his eyes, he sported the very fashionable straw boater hat, which did the marvelous job of making his ears stick out slightly.

You wore a very elegant walking suit of a sort of pinky coral color. It was made of gorgeous blend of cotton and linen that helped keep you cool in the sun, despite the high-necked lace blouse that you wore underneath the jacket. The jacket was tailored specifically to your measurements with smartly placed darts, and was secured with hand embroidered buttons in a matching coral fabric.

You were the only one on the promenade wearing such a color, and you found yourself blooming under the attention. Your wide-brimmed hat was decorated with beautiful ostrich feathers dyed a matching color, and your shoes were a matching satin. It was an ensemble that would be seen across the ship, that was for sure.

You took one last breath of the fresh salty air, and returned to Kylo’s waiting arm. He had been observant mostly on the stroll from the suite to the promenade, and he was observant still, sparing a glance to some wealthy reclining passengers.

“It might be prudent for us to rent a set of chaises and rugs, what do you say?” Kylo asked you, nodding in the direction of those who were all poised to lounge and people-watch.

The promenade was a long fifty-foot walkway, and there were expertly woven wicker chairs and tables set up alongside the more shaded wall. People enjoyed cups of tea and newspaper clippings as they reclined and people-watched. He gave a protective squeeze of your hand as those people people-watched you.

“Hmm, there are so many opportunities to sit aboard the ship, I’d prefer being arm and arm with you just as we are now, as we walk.” You said after a moment’s thought. The chaises looked very comfortable, but there were a hundred places to be comfortable on the Titanic it would seem.

No, you thought to yourself, better to stretch your legs and get your exercise now while you could, before the two of you decided to indulge in one another and possibly never leave the suite.

“May I ask you a question?” Kylo asked, voice so soft that the sheer shyness of it broke you out of your inner monologue.

“No.” You teased, eyes sparkling with mirth as you gently nudged his hip with your own, your feet carrying you slowly and leisurely down the deck.

“Had this not been arranged by our families, would you have agreed to this?” Kylo wondered aloud, with no small amount of tremor to his voice. He waved his hand about, gesturing with his whole body in that way that you were coming to really find endearing. “To me, I mean. I know there were other suitors.”

You smiled, ducked your head as far as your carefully balanced hat would allow. You didn’t want to seem so infatuated with him already, so soon – but you couldn’t deny that you were. You were so fond of him, and these questions of his would only endear you further to him.

“There were a great deal many other suitors, you’re right.” You nodded with a bit of a huffed laugh, thinking of the clamor that came about with the courting seasons, all those letters from adoring men you were so reluctant to respond to. “There could have been a thousand other suitors, and I would have still picked you.”

Kylo’s step faltered for a moment, and you wondered if his palms were sweating beneath his gloves.

“I don’t mean to give off a sense of false modesty, I am merely curious as to why. What is so compelling about me?” He pressed, frowning, as if it were some great mystery.

“Well, it’s just that, isn’t it? You’re compelling.” You said, encouraging him to press himself to your side once more, the sound of waves gently crashing in the distance a symphony to your ears. “The day we met for tea, I found I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. You’re captivating -- the way you speak and interact with the world, the ideas you have. I may not know much of them, but the little I do know is far and away more interesting than the lot of the other suitors combined.”

“Hm.” Was all your eloquent husband had to offer, but you took it more of a sign of him allowing you to continue speaking, rather than a true response.

“I didn’t want a husband who would treat me as a decoration. I didn’t want to be put on a shelf, confined to some archaic idea of what wives should be. I wanted someone who would be willing to challenge that establishment, to look at me and not see just some means for an heir, but a person of substance.” You explained with a sigh, letting some of your lingering fears about marriage out.

“There’s no one more challenging than me, that’s true.” Kylo quirked a little grin, prompting you to smile so widely that your cheeks hurt.

You were glad to know that this man, with all his faults, would do right by you.

“Good, it will do well for us both to keep the other sharp.” You bumped his hip with yours once more, and he lunged at you, captured your face in one of his gloved hands and kissed you outright, right in front of everyone on the promenade.

You laughed against his lips, pushed him away playfully because such a display would surely spark gossip, but you held him close to your side anyway.

You leaned your head against his shoulder, glad for the angling of your hat to allow it, and sighed happily, “I trust you to treat me with respect, you know.”

“Why’s that?” Kylo teased.

“Because you’ve killed others for not showing you that same decency.” You replied lightly, once again stunning him with your response.

This time, he did not slow his step, but you could practically feel the way his heartbeat jumped and danced below his skin, pulse going wild at the very mention of his patricide. 

“You are not deterred by the fact that I am a murderer?” He asked. You were worried he’d be angry, but there’s a playful lightness to his tone that had you chuckling and only hugging his strong bicep.

“If I were, I wouldn’t have married one.” You said before shrugging, “I think murder can be a justifiable crime, sometimes it’s the only option we have to get what we want.”

Kylo pulled you to the side of the promenade to allow others to walk past. He leaned handsomely against another one of the large open windows that you had begun this walk smiling into. He didn’t smile, he was deadly serious as he took your hand in his own, ran his thumb across the knuckles. 

“I’d kill for you, if it meant giving you what you want.” He said sincerely, and you smiled, cupped his scarred cheek, showed him you weren’t afraid.

“I know darling, let’s hope you won’t have to.” You said back, about to lean in when --

“Tea ma’am?” A voice interrupted you.

You and Kylo turned towards the waiter, holding a silver tray that had practically anything one could require for a cup. Your stomach rumbled at the sight of the finger sandwiches, and you found that you weren’t so annoyed with the intrusion.

“Oh yes please, Kylo would you like some?” You nodded, and the boy set the tray down and began to fix you a cup, pouring tea into fine china.

“No thank you.” Your husband responded, stealing a kiss on your cheek anyway, “I’ll save my appetite for dinner.”

The waiter handed you the teacup and saucer to rest it on, and then disappeared, recognizing the scowl on Kylo’s face from the many years of being snapped out to scurry away. Kylo didn’t snap, but he didn’t have to.

You joined him in leaning against the window, sipping your tea. You could feel Kylo’s eyes on you as you squinted into the sunlight.

“When was the last time you were on a ship?” You were curious, for he seemed so unfazed by the wonder of it all.

“Sailing back from Africa.” He replied simply, and oh, you knew what that meant.

“Does it bring a sense of unease, to be back on the open waters again?” You asked, suddenly feeling guilty, worrying that perhaps he wasn’t enjoying himself, plagued with memories of battle.

“Not at all, this is much different from a warship. In fact, I don’t think it could be any more different.” Kylo smiled reassuringly, setting you calm once again.

“How so?” You asked behind your cup, and you swore you saw a blush creep across the strong bridge of his nose.

“Well, for one thing warships don’t have beautiful women sipping tea in day-dresses.” He said, making you laugh from the sheer force of his charm.

“You think I’m beautiful?” You playfully batted your lashes at him, and he rolled his eyes, stole another kiss to your cheek, as the sun shone on the ocean, shone on your skin.

“I think you’re radiant.” He clarified, and well, now it was your turn to blush.

* * *

You stayed out in the sunshine until the tea no longer kept you satisfied, until your stomach protested so loudly that it must have been dinner time. A bugle was sounded, something that had startled you and Kylo out there on the promenade, making you smile at one another in your startled fear. He informed you that it meant cocktails were being served in the reception room, so that’s where the two of you went.

You recognized the reception room from your entrance through the D-deck doors, past the grand staircase. It was Jacobean in style, a large open ballroom peppered with circular tables and wicker chairs which were upholstered in a lush green damask silk. The walls were glossy white, and there were potted ferns and palms which only added to the fine greenery of the space. 

You could see the area where an orchestra was likely to set up soon, a marked off area where instruments lay waiting musicians to bring them to life. You hoped that perhaps Kylo would be in the mood for a dance or two once dinner had settled.

You were just about to say something, when your husband’s attention was captured by a shock of red hair, and the natural scowl on his face all but disappeared, melting into a warm expression that could only be described as that of seeing an old friend.

The red-headed man seemed to notice you and Kylo at nearly the same time, and soon he was interrupting his wife’s conversation to gesture to you. Your heart soared at the sight of the woman, for while this man was nearly a stranger to you, she certainly wasn’t.

“Lord Ren.” The man approached you both and extended his hand, greeting your husband with delight.

“(Y/N), I’d like to introduce you to my business partner and friend, Lord Armitage Hux and his wife, Lady Hux.” Kylo shook the man’s hand, turned towards you and offered an introduction as was custom.

You and Lady Hux met eyes and grinned, and you were simply dying to throw you arms around your friend.

“It is an absolute pleasure to meet you, my Lady.” Hux bowed to you politely, his hair gelled so well that it didn’t move one single millimeter when he ducked down, “I have heard so much about you.”

“Likewise!” You couldn’t help but laugh, making your dear friend laugh as well.

Armitage and Kylo frowned at one another, as you hugged the Lady, looking at them with mischief, quite pleased with your very small prank.

“I did not realize you were already acquainted.” Kylo blinked as you returned to his side.

“We aren’t, the illustrious Lady and I however, are. We’ve run many charitable balls and fundraisers together. You could say I am aware of the great engineer Armitage Hux by proxy.” You explained, making your friend blush.

Oh how radiant she looked in her evening gown! It was a peachy cream-colored bodice, wrapped up in a beautiful silvery blue that complimented her brown hair and eyes in the most wonderful of fashions. There was intricate beading work which creeped up the hem of the dress into a style which nearly made it look as though the blue were tied up in tassels, revealing a peach satin slip underneath. You recognized the gown immediately as being a House of Worth dress, the very same designer which had made your own finery for the evening.

“Had I known you’d be on this ship I would have made my darling seek you out sooner! How lucky that we are to share a dinner table.” Lady Hux beamed, using all of her five-foot-two stature to chastise her six-foot husband. 

“Luck had nothing to do with it, I requested only the finest company for my wife’s enjoyment. It would seem that we are among the best passengers aboard the Titanic.” Kylo said, smug and arrogant in a way that had you rolling your eyes playfully.

“Oh Lord Ren how you tease.” Lady Hux followed suit, before flagging down one of the waiters who was dutifully checking to ensure each table was kept satisfied with drinks and light appetizers. “Sir, might we have a bottle of champagne?”

“Of course ma’am, right away.” The boy said with a deep bow, a move which impressed you considering he was carrying quite a heavy tray.

The four of you sit at one of the tables, the husbands pulling out chairs for their wives.

Ironically enough, you were dressed in a similar color scheme to your friend. Your Worth gown was also peach and blue, however your tones were much more muted. The blue was not the silvery satin of your friend, but a dusky velvet, and the bodice was not so much a light peach as it was a deep burnished shade. Your gown had beaded detailing too, but it cascaded down and wrapped around your waist, a shimmer of floral that reflected sparkles of candlelight.

You both complimented one another on your choice of dress, and your husbands shook their heads and smirked at your obvious silliness. You’re both still laughing amongst yourselves when the champagne arrives, the bubbly doing nothing to curb your high spirits.

“Gossip around the clubs are you’re sailing to America for your honeymoon. Is that so?” Lord Hux asked, sipping his own fluted glass.

“There’s much in New York that we’re very excited to see, isn’t that right?” You answered, as Kylo was entirely too occupied with the way your tongue darted out to lick the drink off your lips.

“I’ve promised quite the itinerary, yes.” Kylo said absentmindedly, before turning to his friend and joking, “What about yourselves, what brings you to the colonies?”

The comment made you huff into your glass, only your husband could be so cheeky.

“Weapons manufacturing, to be frank.” Lord Hux surprised you, piquing your interest and making you set down your glass.

“Weapons? What for, if you don’t mind me asking.” You leaned in slightly.

But before Lord Hux could dive into what you were sure was going to be a riveting discussion, his wife put a hand on his chest to deter him, looking at you with eyes that said _oh please don’t get him started._

“Believe me my dear friend, my Armitage wouldn’t mind talking all evening about his weapons he is working on, but perhaps that is conversation that might best be saved for more private audience.” She said softly, and that only interested you further.

“Ah, I see.” You mused, settling back against the cushion of your chair and sipping your champagne. You thought about the large sitting room in your parlor suite, perhaps you could invite the Huxes there one evening for such a discussion. “Your secrets are safe with me, Lord Hux, I can assure you that. I have no desire for gossiping, I merely strive to educate myself on the goings on of the world. We are in such a riveting time of advancements in all avenues, are we not?”

“Kylo you have chosen a most wonderful woman to be your bride, congratulations are in order.” Lord Hux raised his glass to commemorate your union.

Lady Hux followed suit, reaching across the table to take your gloved hand in her own. You smiled at one another, glad to have a friend aboard this massive marvelous ship.

“Thank you, she is truly a wonder, isn’t she? I am forever grateful she had agreed.” Kylo said sincerely, making you look up at him with a deep fondness, your heart quickening once more. With all his comments, you were sure he would set you into a heart attack by the end of the honeymoon!

Just then another tone sounded that it was officially seven o’clock, and dinner was officially served.

You and Lady Hux rose, followed suit by your husbands, who offered you their arms and asked nearly at the same time, “Shall we be seated?”

* * *

“I notice there are some empty seats at the table, who are we missing?” You asked, once you had all been settled in the great dining hall that was affectionately known as ‘The Ritz.’

Lord Hux explained that this was an even more elite dining experience than the first class halls, as it was restaurateur Gaspare Antonio Pietro "Luigi" Gatti intimate à la carte restaurant. The space was elegantly decorated, and infinitely more intimate, fully carpeted and lined with French walnut-panelled walls and picture windows. You sat at small tables, which unlike the reception room, were lit by individual crystal lamps. Apparently guests could eat here any time, not only during the designated meal hours, which made it a popular choice for the up and up passengers – for an extra fee, of course.

“Oh there are quite a few people still board the ship, rumor has it that Margaret Brown and John Jacob Aster the fourth will be dining with us, they should be here any moment.” Lady Hux knew all the gossip aboard the ship, and you were grateful for it. You could always count on her to ring you up and give you all the details of the goings-ons, so that you didn’t have to.

“We’re taking on more passengers?” You frowned, eyebrows furrowing.

A waiter caught wind of your question as he placed menus on your plates.

“Yes my Lady, we’re in Cherbourg; it’s our only port of call for the continent. We’ll be docking once more in Queenstown, Ireland, before reaching the open waters of the Atlantic.” He offered, and you nearly gasped.

“Goodness I fear for the third class rooms, they must be so packed already.” You expressed your concern.

“No more so than any other ship, my Lady.” The waiter, who could not be a day over twenty years of age, smiled sympathetically to you, before leaving.

No doubt he was staying in such quarters, although you hoped not. For all their sakes, you hoped they were treated better. Something twisted in your stomach though, making you think otherwise.

“How considerate of you to worry yourself with the poor.” Lord Hux commended you, as if it were some air that you put on to appear more progressive.

“My heart aches for them, the conditions they must endure so often due to something as unavoidable as the status of their birth. So few of us are able to enjoy luxuries as these, I find it entirely unfair.” You challenged, for this was no mere fleeting passion of yours. You fought endlessly to close the gap between the rich and poor, Lady Hux nodded in agreement, for she did the same.

“Would you trade your position for one of theirs?” Lord Hux asked, in the mood to debate it would seem. “If given the chance I mean.”

“I don’t need to live in poverty to know the cruelty of it.” You replied easily, a response to a challenge.

He leaned back in his chair then, pleased that you’d play along in a little battle of wits. Lady Hux only smiled behind her glass as food was served, for she knew just how cunning you were. Kylo was completely enraptured with you, and it did wonders for your ego, you had to admit.

“Let me ask you a very fair question, if I may.” Lord Hux’s eyes were calculating, “How do you propose an end to this cruelty?”

“I believe we must vote in favor of laws and procedures which encourage the economic upward movement of the lower classes. At present they’re kept bogged down into the mud – both figuratively and literally – by the laws which rich men propose and sign.” You responded elegantly and easily, thanking the waiter who served you a bowl of consomme rejane.

“Ah you’re one of those suffragettes?” Hux said, as if it were an insult.

“Are you not?” You replied, as if he were the one in the wrong.

The stand-off impressed Kylo greatly, his body language tensing with anticipation. Hux himself was impressed, and he burst into laughter, the serious tone of the debate having disappeared in the recognition that you were no pretty woman with stuffing for brains.

“I’m not so bold to attend any WSPU meetings.” You added when the laughter died down to a pleasant chuckle, as you all sipped your soups.

“Bold is a very good word for them, I should think. I can’t imagine being so angry as to set fire to buildings.” Lady Hux offered, as the WSPU was something of a thorn in her side these days.

“When you have so little left to lose, it is not unfathomable to lose what you have left.” You shrugged, a small nugget of wisdom passed down to you from your grandparents, who themselves were once poor and in a similar position.

“What do you make of all this, Lord Ren?” The ginger inquired, friendly and playful in that cutting manner he and your husband seemed to share. It was no wonder they were good friends, with the way they bickered.

“Must I make something of everything, Lord Hux?” Kylo wiped his mouth with his cloth napkin, leveling a gaze at him.

“I’ll be more specific, your wife.” Hux pointed to you with his knife, before digging into his veal filet.

Kylo regarded you, and it was clear for all to see that he was once again, entranced. Absolute ensnared by you, making you nearly need to look away, for the affection in his eyes was simply overwhelming. And yet, you could not tear your eyes away from his own.

“She’s certainly a sight to behold, is she not? I envision many a night chasing her train of thought.” Kylo said, looking at you while talking to him.

“Oh you’ll chase me alright, my dear.” You mused, forking a chateau potato with the heavy silver cutlery, “But whether I shall let you _catch_ me, well we’ll have to see, won’t we?”

The table erupted into a round of light laughter, and Kylo shook his head, so fond of you.

“I have a great deal of opinions on a great many things,” Kylo eventually answered Hux’s question, “But I also know when I am not well versed in a subject enough to give those opinions on it. I have much to learn from my wife, and I am honored to listen to more of her causes, if she would be so generous as to tell me of them.”

“A true politician’s answer.” You teased, making Kylo’s eyebrows raise slightly, tugging at the scar which traveled up his browbone.

“I am no more a politician than you are a philosopher, my darling.” He teased right back, and you bit back a grin.

“Strong words coming from a man who may find himself sleeping on the couch this evening.” You replied with the hint of a smile, no malice in your tone whatsoever.

“I’m glad you’ll have someone to challenge you, it’s so refreshing when wits are matched, are they not?” Lady Hux leaned her head upon her husband’s shoulder, and he turned to kiss her temple.

“To whom do you refer, my dear?” Hux asked his wife, as you and Kylo smiled at one another.

“The both of them.” She responded, only making you smile more.

Eventually, the other guest boarded the ship, and there was a whole big fuss and to-do that came along with their arrival. You had very little interest in any of them, happily content with your own small company. However, the company soon grew larger as your table-mates entered The Ritz, and conversation picked up quite quickly about nothing in particular.

You simply sat back and enjoyed the company, even if now you were presented with strangers who made the setting a little less comfortable simply from not knowing them.

“Does the food please you?” Kylo asked, wanting to make sure you did not feel so alienated.

You were thankful for it, for while Lord and Lady Hux knew these businesspeople and wealthy aristocrats, you were not so familiar.

“It’s absolutely marvelous.” You replied, happy to simply talk with your husband, “Although I fear that there were so many courses, I’ll not have any room come the end of the evening for dessert.”

And there had been, goodness there had been. Between the hors d’oeuvres, the soups, the duck and veal and ham and beef and chicken, the boiled rice and cauliflower, the garlic spinach and watercress salad, by the time the pudding sans souci and charlotte colville came around, you couldn’t bear the thought of vanilla ice cream.

“Nonsense, there is always room for ice cream.” Kylo winked, allowing you the small permission of overly indulging yourself. That was the entire point of the Titanic, he reasoned, and you were inclined to agree with him.

But when the ice cream had settled, you found yourself buzzing with sugar. It must have been eight-fifteen, because the orchestra had begun to play out in the reception room, perking your ears up.

“Oh what a beautiful waltz, darling, might we…?” You asked hopefully, nodding your head in the direction of the sweet music.

Kylo was glad for the chance to part from the table, his long legs must have been aching for a good stretch of their own, surely.

“If you would excuse us, friends.” Kylo said, interrupting the pleasant chatter at the table while you stood.

They paid you little mind other than a few happy words of promises to get together in the upcoming days, and Kylo led you by the arm to the reception room, where many other couples in their utmost finery were dancing together.

You recognized the tune immediately as the popular cello solo from Saint-Saens, _Le carnaval des animaux._ Kylo hummed along to it, as his strong hand supported your lower back, your shoes carrying you across the dance floor in time with the music. 

“Did you mean it, what you said at the table?” You asked, resting your head upon his chest, the starched shirt only moderately scratchy against your cheek. “The part about wanting to learn?”

“Of course, I won’t lie to you.” Kylo replied, “I find dishonesty detestable.”

“Then may I be honest with you?” You looked up at him with a smile.

“Always.” Kylo quirked a smirk of his own.

“I’d like nothing more than to disappear for the evening.” You whispered, though not a single soul was paying any more attention to you, too wrapped up in their own love affairs. “Perhaps we can…make somewhat of an undetectable exit, return to our rooms when the song is over.”

“Have you left anything at the table?” Kylo tried glancing through the doors into The Ritz, but the angle was blocked.

“Yes, do you think Dopheld would be kind enough as to retrieve it for us?” You groaned, not wanting to have to return to the table. Such an act would only make your intentions clear, and you didn’t want to be the subject of more gossip than you were certain you already were.

Kylo nodded, and when the song ended, you applauded the cellist lightly before escaping back to the rooms.

* * *

By the time you turned the corner to your hallway, you were happily running, Kylo chasing you playfully. You gathered up the skirt of your dress and laughed and laughed, as he made good on his promise to catch you. And catch you he did, capturing your waist in his hands and carrying you across the threshold of the parlor suite.

You were out of breath from excitement when he carried you still through the sitting room and into the bedroom, placing you onto the bed and setting to undo all your clasps and buttons and hidden fasteners that Worth so craftily kept out of sight.

“What a beautiful evening.” You couldn’t help but sigh, as he kissed the exposed skin of your breasts when he freed them finally from their supports.

“You stole the show, truly.” He agreed, kissing down your sternum as you shimmied out of your foundation garments which pooled on the floor at your feet. “Your charms and wit went over so well with our table.”

You cupped his cheeks, brought him back up to your lips so you could kiss him properly, wanting to feel the hot slide of his tongue against your own, such a kiss scandalous in public, but here, here in the privacy of your rooms, you could indulge.

“I do too.” You whispered suddenly, making him frown.

“Do what, blossom?” He asked, kissing you again again again, stealing your breath away.

“I want to learn of all your causes too.” You explained, remembering the conversation from before, his answer to Hux’s question. “All of them. I feel I have spoken so much of myself today, I hardly gave you any time of your own.”

“I much prefer to listen, but tomorrow I’d be more than happy to delve into some of it.” Kylo suddenly grew shy, and you leaned back enough to look him properly in the eyes.

Your hands on his face lingered, and you rubbed a soothing sort of circle into his scar.

“Don’t be afraid.” You said, and he chewed the inside of his cheek.

“I’m not.” He turned his head to kiss your palm.

“Then why do I see fear in your eyes?” You wondered aloud, making him sigh.

“I only worry that your opinion of me may change.” He sat on the mattress next to you, his impressive weight causing it to dip, causing you in turn to lean towards him.

It was a valid concern, you thought to yourself. Valid for all the rumours about him.

“I think you’ll find I may just surprise you.” You said anyway, assured and reassured him with a squeeze of his hand.

That seemed to appease him enough for the moment, and that cheeky playful smile returned, the shy scowl disappearing into a smooth transition of lust that had your pace quickening all over again.

“I would like, if I may, to take you all over this room.” Kylo said, and you only grinned, only guided his hands back to your exposed breasts, remembering your naked body.

“How do you still have an appetite?” You teased, pulling him towards you, letting yourselves fall backwards onto the mattress.

“I need you like a fish needs water.” He proclaimed, making you laugh and laugh as you rolled on top of him, straddled his waist. 

“Well we are behind closed doors now, shall we test the thickness of the walls?” You challenged, making him grin.

And oh, with what fervor he accepted that challenge, what fervor indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Historical fun facts as always! 
> 
> -The suite which Kylo and you stay in is a combination of rooms. B-52 was a cabin located on B deck, and was one of the four millionaire suites aboard the Titanic. However the decoration of the room and the set up, is based off of a cabin now known as the Straus Suite.   
> -It is now called the Straus Suite, because that is where Isidor and Ida Straus stayed. This is also the room which James Cameron famously incorporated some design elements into Rose's cabin, but I encourage you to research the Strauses as they were real people which rich histories.   
> -The Titanic had a separate living quarters for the servants and staff of first class passengers, which for the extremely wealthy first class passengers, meant individual rooms on C-deck. Rose and Dopheld would have likely had rooms there.   
> \- The Promenade was indeed an exclusive first-class only walkway on A-deck. It was fifty feet long, and was meant as a way to flaunt the latest fashions of the day.   
> \- Dinner was a highly choreographed event for the upper classes. A bugle would signal for cocktails, and then stewards would announce when dinner was served.   
> \- Dinner was presented as a series of options, with different waiters coming around with silver carts, presenting these options to the passengers. One could choose from a variety of soups, appetizers, main dishes, and desserts. Once chosen, the waiter would serve the meal straight from the cart.   
> \- Dinner was served from 7pm-8:15pm exactly, with dancing and drinks from 8:15-11pm in the reception hall. Unless of course one dined at the Ritz, which could be enjoyed at any time from 8am-11pm.   
> \- The staff aboard the Titanic were housed in crowded cramped rooms down near the third class passengers on E Deck. They were located near a corridor named Scotland Road.   
> \- This corridor helped crew members and 3rd class passengers get from one end of the ship to the other. The crew was unfortunately jammed into rooms with stacks of bunk-beds, similar to third-class passenger rooms.   
> \- the WSPU was the The Women's Social and Political Union, a radical activist group who staged protests, starvation strikes, arson, attacks, and general ruckus for the fight of women's equality and the right to vote. 
> 
> That about does it for this chapter's fun facts! I encourage you to do research of your own, and if you have any cool facts you're willing to share, I'd love to read about them in the comments!


	5. Past and Future

The trip so far had been, in a word, magical. You were starting to wonder if there were any other way to really describe it, being with Kylo. He was so charming, with the way he championed you at every opportunity, spoke so highly of you and your causes. He was so funny, with his quick jokes and scathing remarks half-hidden behind tall champagne glasses. And he was intelligent, calculating and cunning and so smart, smart in a way that many of the other first class passengers hoped they seemed to be. They were all peacocks though, empty words and haughty laughs at quick criticisms that went over their heads.

Not your Kylo. No, he was a true gentleman in every sense of the word, accompanying you through the ship in the following days.

Time seemed to fly faster than the ship sailed through the sea, you thought to yourself as you rustled the sheets gently. You and Kylo had been aboard the ship for four whole days, four days filled with explorations and parties and dinners galore. You were the talk of the town, as it were, between your expensive Worth gowns and your husband’s reputation.

You paid the latter no mind, and instead spent most of your time seeing all that the Titanic had to offer.

He had taken you to the squash court just as promised, and you met up with your dear friend Lady Hux to watch a raucous few games between some of the sportsmen aboard. While the men grew competitive on the floor of G-deck, you and your husbands watched eagerly and made bets up on F-deck in luxury.

Aside from the games, you also enjoyed time in the pool. A part of the Turkish bath spa complex aboard F-deck, you had yourself a good soak before the two of you indulged in a couple’s massage that had left you more relaxed than ever before.

You visited all the restaurants and cafes available to you, the Veranda and Palm courts especially thrilled you with their greenery. Recent memories of tea on the Promenade, shows and card games and dances to orchestras filled your head. You liked being on the ship, it was a true marvel of course, but you longed for some green, and were excited to be surrounded by Earth once again when the ship was set to dock in merely only three more days.

How had the time passed, you wondered? It was too strange, how you would fall asleep and wake up in the night only to see the clock had gone backwards. Was it a deliberate trick of the captain? Or were you simply suffering cabin fever?

No, you chuckled to yourself, you were sure there was a reason for it. The ocean had its mysteries, but surely time travel was not one of them. You allowed your mind to wander about docking in New York, allowed yourself to think about all the things Kylo had promised.

The parties at the Waldorf-Astoria, the flowers from Union Square, the sheep in Prospect Park. You imagined his face staring up at the marvels of the skyscrapers, towering an incredible sixty stories tall!

Now though, you laid side by side in bed. His face was so peaceful like this, in sleep. You felt badly for him, even though this was his honeymoon he was still so stressed, so many thoughts running through his head. You could practically feel them, when you lifted your hand up and carded it through his beautiful silken locks. You tried to imagine him in the fashionable short cut, and found you couldn’t. There were many things you tried to imagine your husband as, but none of them could ever really compare to what he was.

He blinked awake slowly, like a cat who did not wish to really get up from his nap. He stretched his long strong limbs out, and in shaking away the dreams from his bones, he wrangled you into his arms, trapped you in his sleep-warm embrace.

“Good morning my darling.” You tucked a stray lock of hair which curled against his cheek so lovingly, back behind his ear. He no longer scowled at the movement, and you considered this a personal victory.

“Is it truly morning? I cannot tell if I am dreaming still, for you are so lovely.” His voice is exceptionally deep with sleep as he rolled you on top of him, he laid flat on his back, his chin tucking down against his chest to see you properly. His eyes are smiling, even if he’s not yet a morning person.

You took the opportunity to sit up and straddle him. The blanket and sheets slipped down your naked body as your hands rubbed coaxing circles on his hard stomach and defined pecs.

“Shall I help you realize how real I am?” You whispered, your hair falling around your face in a way you hoped was enticing.

From the way Kylo’s eyes fluttered shut for a moment and opened with renewed attention and lust, you knew it had.

“Oh if I could be so lucky to be graced by Heaven’s touch.” He licked his lips, his hands abandoning your waist to slide up your chest and cup your breasts handsomely.

“Mmm,” You leaned into the touch, arched your back and expanded your rib cage so that he might get a better grasp of them. You sighed happily, feeling his morning wood pressing against your inner thigh where your legs were spread around his thick hips, “Speaking of which, it’s Sunday. Will you be making an appearance at the services?”

“I care very little for sermons and would much prefer my worship to take place in…private.” Kylo shook his head, the comparison making you laugh brightly, your head tipping back slightly as you lifted yourself onto your knees above him

“That can be arranged.” You moaned softly, lowering yourself on his hard cock.

He looked unfairly delicious like this, you thought. Every single one of his defined and developed muscles flexed and pulled underneath his scar-ridden skin, it was a sight to behold, the sheen of sweat which made him glow from within.

“Damn, (Y/N), damn you’re gorgeous.” Kylo grumbled, chest tensing and fluttering underneath you. His thighs were enormous, so muscular. Legs perfect for bracketing your own body, with the way they bent at the knee to provide you better leverage.

“Kylo – oh!” You smacked his stomach playfully as he used that leverage to buck up into you, his cock shoving up up up into your pussy, making you yelp out in pleasure. “Oh please, please do that again!”

You’d grown so used to this, this sight underneath you above you behind you around you consuming you – it was the only way you ever wanted to start the day. And so you moaned, not caring of the thickness of the walls, not caring of those passing by your suite en route to church, not caring about uanything other than the feeling of his huge dick filling your pussy. And fill you it did, as he bucked up again and again.

“I – I – oh fuck,” It was too early for filth to drip from his lips, but he didn’t need to say it, not with the way he was panting and grunting and moaning and groaning, his eyes fighting to stay open so he could watch the marvel that was your body moving and grinding and bouncing on him. “Fuck, (Y/N).”

Your knees grew as weak as your cunt was wet when he sat up and kissed your tits, pushed them together and bit at the flesh there, flicked his tongue over your nipple. He moved his hand to clamp down on your neck, pinning you in place as your pussy clenched around his cock, vicelike and unrelenting as you rolled your hips in much the same way the waves smack against the hull of the Titanic.

“Moremoremore – yes!” You hung on to his shoulders, nails digging into the meat of his back, as he tumbled you backwards with a laugh and regained control with this new position.

He clung to you, panted and drooled in your ear and you were unable to stop the moans from tumbling past your lips, for he was so big, filled you so completely. The bed below you squeaked and shook, trembled from the force of his hips as he sought out your gspot.

You moaned out a shout when the head of his cock brushed against it, exploiting that feeling and sending you nearly out of body, shuddering out a gasp as stars fill your vision, not even realizing that his other hand abandoned your nipple to instead rub rub rub at your clit, a hot tongue sliding against yours to swallow your moans.

“God!” Kylo cried, “God _yes_!” A blaspheme loud and clear, his hot come shooting into you.

Hazy eyed and blissed out, you smiled against his teeth as you could feel it warming you up from the inside. It had grown so cold during the night, but here beneath your husband you were toasty, sweat-slick and in desperate need of a bath.

“Don’t move, please don’t move, not yet, please.” You begged, settled into the mattress underneath him and jus held his body against yours.

“We’ve all the time in the world.” Kylo assured into your neck, taking a mouthful of your throat and biting down hard as he ground his hips against yours, coming inside you still, his muscles aching and burning in the best of ways.

It took some time to regain your breath, but once you did, you lightly patted Kylo’s back and he pulled out with a wince and a groan, the both of you flopping down onto your backs and staring up at the beautifully crown-molded ceiling of the bedroom.

Light spilled in from the port-hole windows, illuminating the side of Kylo’s face in a way that showed off how deep of a gash his face had held. You lifted a shaking hand and gently traced the valley of his browbone, all the way down to his lips where he captured your hand and kissed the palm.

“I’ve invited Miss Rose and Mr. Dopheld to join us for tea today.” Kylo said, when he was finally awake enough for proper sentences.

You smiled, sat up despite your wobbly muscles and stretched.

“Oh I’ll be so glad to see them, I want to hear all about their time on the ship, if it’s been pleasant.” You mused, yawning and sighing happily.

“They’ve got the best accommodations for staff, I’ve made sure of it.” Kylo gave your back a gentle pat just as you had done his, and you knew it meant to come lay back down, but you had other ideas.

“Come, let’s bathe.” You shook your head at him, making him playfully groan and complain all the way next door.

* * *

When the both of you were clean and dressed for the day, Kylo rang up the staff and gave them the permission to enter the suite. Rose looked beautifully sun-kissed, her dark hair and eyes imbued with warmth. You suspected she had taken the liberty of laying out under the clear skies on one of the lounge chairs Kylo had wound up renting just to have on hand.

Dohpeld on the other hand, was unusually pale, hinting at nearly the entire time spent indoors, which you thought interesting.

You greeted your staff, invited them to the sitting room where Rose brewed a pot of tea for everyone. Only when it was done did you all really begin to relax, everyone seated at the table and enjoying a morning cuppa.

“It’s been quite some time since we’ve all seen one another! Please do tell, have you been enjoying the trip so far?” You asked, knowing it was improper for them to start a conversation of their own accord.

The moment you say the word though, Rose launches into an animated recount of her time between sips of tea.

“Oh Lady Ren it’s an absolute dream! I’ve met so many wonderful people and we’ve all taken to reading in the sunshine – a book club of sorts. It seems many of us have brought along the same novel to carry us through this fine journey, we take turns reading aloud to one another and analyzing the chapters.” Rose told you, making you wonder which book it was that proved to be so popular among the ladies. “I’m particularly interested in the psychological context behind many of the characters’ behavior, it’s been fascinating to discuss. Oh! Also, I went to the baths last night and it was marvelous. Do you think perhaps when we have returned home, you may be inclined to install a bathhouse at the manor, Lord Ren?” She asked hopefully.

“Of course, I hear the baths of Turkey in particular are of excellent health benefits, why should we not have one?” Kylo replied easily, “Why should we not have the very best? We’ll have one installed in the manor and the summer home.”

This made Rose grin in excitement, so much so that she could barely keep a hold of her teacup. It made you happy, to see Kylo so kind to his staff. You thought back to how Rose had said Kylo paid for the entirety of her sister’s expenses when she passed, and were glad to hear his generosity was not a one-off occasion.

“And what of you Mr. Dopheld, have you been smoking cigars and playing poker with the lads downstairs?” You implored, giving him a wink at the sight of his slight pallor.

Color returned to his cheeks then as he blushed.

“Forgive me Lady Ren, I find I’ve been spending much of my time actually among the older women among the first class passengers -- not in any salacious way of course! But I find they’re such an interesting group, and rife with gossip.” Dopheld stammered over himself, only grabbing the acute attention of your husband.

“Do tell.” Kylo encouraged, his expression and tone remaining neutral but the spark in his eyes curious.

“Well, word from the engine room is that because the Titanic is sailing so smoothly, we are set to arrive in New York a day early. Can you imagine that? A ship this large running so smooth that it’s ahead of course!” Dopheld offered, sipping his tea with a mischievous little smirk, “And then there’s of course the matter of the scandals…”

“Dopheld I swear you are worse than a sewing circle.” Rose laughed, and you were inclined to agree, but your husband simply quirked a brow.

“I would like to hear the scandals.” Kylo sipped his own cup, and you sighed with a fond little exasperation that had Kylo shrugging as if to say, _what? They talk about us, why should we not talk about them?_

“You know that handsome fellow, Quigg Baxter – the one with the eye patch? Well turns out that he, his younger sister, and their mother are all staying somewhere here on B-deck. But hear this, down on C-deck, there’s a young woman by the name of Berthe Mayne. Apparently, he fell in love with her on his family trip to Paris and is bringing her back to the continent with him! His family doesn’t know, she’s even going by an alias.” Dopheld said softly, in case the man in question were listening in.

“Well that’s not so bad.” You offered, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

“She’s a prostitute and a cabaret singer.” Dopheld explained, and you found your eyes widening.

“Oh dear.” Was all you could say, because my my, that was something. 

“Oh! And she’s not the only one aboard the ship with an alias, _another_ singing mistress, Leontine Aubart just so happens to be here, and you’ll _never_ guess who she’s with.” Rose piped up then, joining in the fun, her own remark about sewing circles seemingly forgotten. What was a sewing circle to a book club, after all?

“Well you must tell us.” Dopheld gestured with his hand.

“Benjamin Guggenheim – _yes_ that Guggenheim. The married man left his wife behind to take his mistress aboard the Titanic, now that is quite the scandal. They each have separate rooms but everyone knows they’re together, just as we all know she’s expecting; everyone simply has the decency not to say anything about it. There’s a betting pool for whether or not he’ll recognize the child, being that it’ll be illegitimate.” Rose said with a chuckle.

“If I were a gambling man, I’d put money on not.” Kylo said thoughtfully, making you laugh at his encouragement.

“Kylo!” You playfully swatted his arm, and he only grasped your hand and kissed the knuckles, turning those doe-eyes on you.

“I said _if_ , blossom.” He replied, making you shake your head with a grin.

“Oh, do either of you know whether the lifeboat drill is to take place today?” You remembered randomly, “I’ve not yet checked the newsletter.”

“It’s been canceled.” Rose replied, making you and Kylo frown.

“That doesn’t seem like a very good idea, does it?” Kylo asked, but Rose shrugged.

“That’s what we all think too, but according to the staff, the engines are running so smoothly that it would be unproductive to halt them for a good couple hours to lower the lifeboats and raise them all back up again.” She explained, “Plus, it would cut into the Sunday services, and you can only imagine how disgruntled that would leave those participating.”

“That does make sense, I suppose.” You muse, although it doesn’t sit right with you.

Why did it matter that the Titanic was going so smoothly? Everyone’s plans were already set for the scheduled arrival – and besides, a day early wouldn’t mean a day sooner off the boat. They’d simply sit in the harbor for another twenty-four hours, what difference did it make?

“Besides, according to the staff they already did a lifeboat drill prior to accepting passengers and departing from Southampton, and it went -- pardon my pun -- swimmingly.” Rose continued, quite pleased with her little remark.

“That’s very good then.” Kylo didn’t seem bothered by any of this at all any longer, and shifted onto other things. “Now, I’ve called you here because while I do truly value your company and your insights into the goings on of the ship, I wanted to get your opinion on a new detail for our arrival in New York.”

“I thought it was all planned out, my Lord.” Dopheld asked, but Kylo shrugged.

“It is, I just thought we might add a stop or two, extend the trip by a week perhaps.” He turned to you, “Niagra Falls has been on my mind for quite some time, I think our beautiful Lady would be amazed by its rush and power. What do you say?”

You let the thought of the lifeboats leave your mind for the time being, happy to instead imagine the wonders of nature. You nodded, and Dopheld gave a short nod in response.

“I will see who I may need to contact to make the arrangements the moment you depart for your stroll, my Lord.” The footman made a note of it on a small pad of paper he kept on his person, and you admired his preparedness.

* * *

The stroll in question was a way that you liked to end each day, just before dinner. No matter what you had decided to fill the day’s activities with, it was a wonderful opportunity to wind down in preparation for what would no doubt be an exciting evening. Between the dinner parties and dancing, the gambling, the smoking and drinking, well. You could use a few moments of peace when you could get them.

You were indulging in the stroll now, arm in arm the way that’s so scandalous, tucked against one another. Out on the Boat Deck this time, as opposed to the Promenade or Veranda, you enjoyed the only truly open area of the ship. It’s cold, but you’re wearing a grand coat made of Persian lamb’s wool and soft mink fur, so if there was a chill in the air, you certainly didn’t feel it.

“You know my darling, I’m finding that of all the past times aboard the ship, these moments alone with you are my most cherished.” You said, making him blush.

You liked being on the Boat Deck, for it was a place where first and second class passengers could both enjoy the sights of the sea. There were benches available for sitting and discussion, as well as quoits boards set up. You watched happily as a group of children entertained themselves with a round or two, laughing jovially as they each made scores.

“Is that so? More fun than watching horseshoes?” Kylo took notice of your interest in the second-class goings ons, and you only shook your head, grinned.

“Infinitely.” You both came to a stop at the very edge of the Boat Deck, where the railings were the only thing separating you from the skies, the sea.

You and Kylo stood side by side at the railing, one of his arms wound around your waist protectively. Your fur hat was not so large that it prevented you from resting your head atop his shoulder like you had become so tempted to do at all times, and you’re glad for it.

Maybe it was the sight of the sun beginning to set, maybe it was the endless expanse of the ocean, you couldn’t tell, but something in your husband grew wistful. You could see it in his eyes when he pressed a kiss to your temple and sighed.

“You can ask me anything you know,” He said, “Anything at all. I’ll answer you truthfully, about all of it.”

You know what he meant.

Over the course of the four days together aboard this ship, you had talked about everything under the sun. Politics, social ethics, finances, history, likes and dislikes – everything…except for,

“Why did you go to Africa?”

It was a gentle question for a violent past. One that you’d been avoiding out of respect for your husband, much like the discussion of the circumstances that had given him the scar adorning his face. But unlike the scar, you had no knowledge of his time in the continent, and you wanted to know to satisfy your own curiosity, and to get a better sense of the man your husband was. 

“Because they told me to.” He replied, not looking at you, eyes cast out towards the ocean. “It was an order, and I followed it. Had I not gone, they would have stripped me of my fortune.”

“Who?” You prompted.

“The King and Queen. I come from a powerful yet politically notorious family, you don’t need to follow the gossip to know this. My mother, she has been a great opposition to the crown for some time, and my father…” You could tell the mention of the man was a sore subject, simply from the way he grit his teeth together and clenched his jaw momentarily. “When he was alive he was nothing but a debtor, an embarrassment. I had to do something to regain the crown’s trust, and when they presented me with an order to Africa and lead a battalion against a group of rebels to secure British hold on the colonies, I took it.”

You thought that over for a long time, contemplative as the gentle breeze tousled Kylo’s hair.

“I’m not against war, you know. I know that feels hypocritical of me, as much of my causes are on the foundations of justice. But justice doesn’t always equate to peace. I’m very against it, the New Imperialism.” You clarified, “You must know that I don’t condone it at all, the stealing of lands from people, the claiming it all as our own. But war, well. Humanity has always been at war. It just depends on whether the war is worth fighting.”

Kylo regarded you with an awe, an interest you’d never seen before. Was he so convinced you’d throw him overboard at the admission?

“Was it…I mean, did you…” You tried to frame the question but fall flat.

“I killed many people, if that’s what you’re asking. I slaughtered an entire village, all on my own.” He knew what you meant, and he spoke coolly when he gave you the answer you had been expecting. You weren’t surprised when he continued, “They gave me a medal for it, gave me two. Men, women, children. And I felt little to no remorse, why should I? They were just people standing in the great Empire’s way. Now of course, I am haunted by them, but what can I do – the deeds have been done, and they were done proudly. Part of me is still proud.”

“I do not condemn you for the things you have done. I understand that some things are bigger than us.” You placed your hand over his on the railing where you both leaned against.

“And if there were ever such a thing bigger than this,” Kylo took the hand you offered, held it gently, “I would not know it.” 

You’re not sure if he means you, or Africa.

“This scramble is going to launch us into a war, it cannot end any other way.” You whisper, for the wind could carry such words if spoken any louder, “A global incident, I fear. The colonial lobbyists are growing tense, and that tension may soon explode. I hear the stories, great and grand weapons like that of our Lord Hux, weapons that will be unleashed simply because they are too impressive to be kept hidden any longer. The world is itching for war, itching to show these weapons off.”

“You’re right.” Kylo agreed, trying to make sense of you, trying to figure out how you were the perfect woman. “Germany in particular has been growing more and more aggressive with the British relations. It is strange, how this back and forth with Germany has pushed Britain and France closer together – an unlikely alliance, given our history. But where we stand now, France and Britain know they are the largest powerhouses of warfare. There will be war, and it will be the ugliest thing the planet has ever seen, and our friends will grow exorbitantly wealthy from it.”

“You said Lord Hux is a friend and business partner, does this mean we will too?” You asked suddenly thinking, suddenly remembering the conversation all those evenings ago.

“Yes.” Kylo answered, before steeling himself with, “Do you hate me?”

“If there is a war to come no matter what we do, and if people will die either way, surely it makes the most sense – morally and financially, to be on the most just side, does it not? If someone is to profit, let it be us, who can use that money to push back into our causes, rather than someone who would simply hoard the wealth.” You put him at ease, “I do not hate you, I think you are smart. You won’t go though, when the war starts, will you?”

A sudden pang of pain hit you at the thought, at the thought of him out in the field somewhere being shot at and shooting once again.

He sighed, ran a hand through his long locks. In the setting sun, he looked so vulnerable, so small then.

“If I didn’t have you, yes, I would have.” He was sincere, and that saddened you too much to bear.

“But you do have me.” You said, and he frowned.

“Do I? Even knowing this about me, do I still have you?” Kylo whispered, reaching his other hand across to cup your cheek.

“When was it, your time in Africa?” You nuzzled into it, sighed.

“Ten years ago.” Kylo recounted, “Second Boer War. I was stationed in the Orange Free State in South Africa during the final phase from September of 1900 to May of 1902.”

“Ten years is a long time. You were eighteen then, following someone else’s orders.” You turned your hand in Kylo’s and kept eye contact when you pressed a hot, open mouthed kiss to his palm, “I hope that from here on out, the only orders you follow are mine.”

His eyes darkened, and you felt the thrill of danger swoop through you. Not danger in fear of him, but of what the two of you could wreak havoc on together.

“I am not loyal to anyone more than I am to you, not even the crown. I know it has not been long that we’ve known each other, but I hope that in time I can prove this to you. My compliments of your person have not been for show, I find you genuinely and sincerely incredible and it would be an honor to carry out your wishes.” Kylo’s tone was so serious that your heart beat quicker, knowing how truthful he was, how honest thrilled you.

“I know it cannot be easy, reliving and remembering the things you’ve done. But I don’t think you any less of a gentleman for it, and all we can do is move forward. You fought for the crown, fought for your family name, and in a way, you fought for us.” You hoped to convey your loyalty as well, in the lifetime to come.

Kylo stepped away from the railing then, offered you his arm. The two of you needed to keep moving, otherwise you’d fall chilly despite your beautiful coat. You took his arm and smiled, walked with him around the deck.

“No one has ever considered me with such kindness the way you do.” Kylo said, not for the first time.

“I should hope not, for I am your wife, not them.” You replied, a playful and loving smile hopefully setting his nerves at ease.

“Yes, you are, and I am forever in your debt.” Kylo chuckled, like an embarrassed schoolboy being caught in a trivial prank, “I have to admit, when I was told of our arrangement all those years ago, I…kept tabs on you.”

“Oh?” You raised a brow with a grin, and oh he truly blushed now!

“Not anything overt, of course, but just. If you happened to throw a function I would inquire how it went, if you were happy. Your happiness is of great importance to me, it always has been. You could have been cruel as the others are, you could have participated in the condemnation of my actions as so many have, and yet you didn’t.” He grew shy, bashful. “I was fascinated by that, you know. Part of me wanted you to gossip, just so I could know what you thought of me.”

“You could have just asked me.” You shook your head with a laugh.

“No I couldn’t have, you are far too beautiful, I clam up when you’re around.” He smiled.

Just then, some of the children playing quoit ran around you, cutting you off. If it had been an adult Kylo would have surely had words with them, but one cannot deny the sound of children laughing put everything in a better mood.

“If this is how talkative you are when you’re clammed up, I can’t wait to hear your ramblings when you’re at ease.” You teased, before sighing and gesturing towards those kids who had disappeared around a corner, their laughter echoing after them. “I envision a long and happy life together, you know. I envision lots of children and sprawling estates and great political debates, side by side. We’ll show them, we’ll show all of them the true power you possess.”

“I cannot tell if your passion is for peace or blood.” Kylo hummed playfully, squeezing your arm in his.

“You cannot get one without the other.” You shrugged, before letting out a dramatic sigh. “But as much as I would love to continue this introspective conversation, I’d like to shift to more pleasant topics if we may? If we are to dine with the Huxes again this evening, I’ll need as many of my wits as I can spare.”

“Of course blossom, of course.” Kylo grinned and nodded then, humoring you and grateful for the break in heavy conversation in his own right. “Should I comment on the weather? How chilly it has become in only a few short days.”

You made a show of bundling up your coat and shivering with a laugh.

“Rose was telling me that it’s supposed to get freezing tonight!” You recalled from another little conversation during tea that morning.

“Perhaps we can sneak down to the boiler rooms, that would surely keep you warm. What do you say? After dinner we can continue our tour of the ship to her very depths.” Kylo rounded the corner along with you, took a quick peek from either direction and gently pushed you up against the wall of the little compartment that provided you cover.

You grinned and bit your lip, breathed in the warm exhale he puffed across your cheek as he leaned in, crowded your space as he had the very first day aboard the ship.

“I daresay it sounds like a marvelous idea, I’m incredibly interested in how such a ship as this runs – especially if it is running as smoothly as Dopheld claims.” You teased, for that surely was not the only reason you wanted him there.

“You’ll be a sight for the engine workers’ sore eyes, that’s for certain.” Kylo nodded diplomatically, “And I might have a note or two in my pocket which could bribe them to look the other way for some time. I had a dream last night, of taking you up against one of the walls where no one would know if the steam was from our bodies, or the ship.”

“I find I’m suddenly desperately parched.” You whisper, eyes already closing as you ask, “May I have a sip of the sweet nectar from your lips?”

You drink from one another’s mouths until the sun firmly sets beyond the horizon, and the bugle is called for dinner time – and then you kiss some more.

* * *

Dinner, as always, was eventful. The food was good and the company better, you and Lady Hux once again having the floor to command the conversation while the men at the table simply listened and enjoyed your smart banter and retellings of stories that had the whole section listening in with hearty laughter.

Laughter which continued through bottles of champagne and beers, leaving everyone in a pleasant bubbly mood.

Such a pleasant mood in fact, that the four of you now found yourselves in the first class Smoking Room, participating in a very intense game of strip poker.

It would seem that cunning though he was, Lord Hux was having quite the streak of bad luck this evening. The poor man was down to his undershirt, drawers and sock-garters, whereas your husband still managed to somehow have his pants buttoned up nicely. Much more scandalously though, were the state of you and Lady Hux, who were in equal amounts of undress.

The four of you sat around the table in the Smoking Room, piles of clothes haphazardly thrown about in laughing fits as Hux dealt the next hand. And, true to the room’s name, everyone participated in a vice of some sort. Kylo and Hux preferred a fat cigar each, where you and Lady Hux shared a long thin cigarette, such a sight that would surely give your parents a heart attack if they were to ever see it.

But in the room your parents were not, so you allowed yourself this bit of fun. Hux seemed to be sobering up enough to shuffle the cards properly, and you used it as an opportunity.

“Lord Hux, I do believe when we first dined together you were more than inclined to speak about some weapons which you’ve designed.” You prompted, lazily leaning against Kylo’s side, your bare shoulder from lack of shirtwaist brushing against his own.

“Quite right.” Hux replied, cigar between his teeth.

“And as your illustrious wife had pointed out, perhaps the reception room was not the right time nor place for such discussions.” You grinned at your friend who grinned back, as you all accepted your cards for this round. “But as we are all in a sense, laying bare this evening, I thought you might indulge an interested party.”

Hux hummed over his cards, smoked while the three of you watched.

“Imagine this,” He painted a picture, “A vehicle designed with bullet proof walls, thick and made with impenetrable steel. Bullets bounce off of its body and ricochet into enemy bodies, as the rolling wheels crush barbed wire, drown soldiers into the mud. But it is not a defensive machine, no! Strapped to the side is a canon like those on the sides of warships, loaded and reloaded by soldiers inside, soldiers ready to pour out with weapons of mass destruction all their own.”

“Guns?” You asked, and Hux only laughed.

“Not just any guns, automated guns, guns which fire multiple rounds per minute – per second. Razing down an entire battlefield in the time it takes to blink, and then blowing said field to smithereens when you’re done.” He was so passionate, you found yourself drawn in.

“You’ve designed such a weapon?” Your eyes widened, finding the awe in the image terrible and exciting.

“I’ve designed those and more.” Hux answered, “We will bring victory to the Empire with these new advancements, should they be needed in the future.”

“ _’Should_.’” Lady Hux snorted out a laugh, “My darling and I are convinced that the time for war will be soon upon us. That is the reason we are aboard the Titanic, we have secured a meeting with some heads of American government security, in the attempt to…rub elbows a bit.”

“Good luck, the Americans are so strongly against war that they’ll never agree to it.” Now it was Kylo’s turn to scoff as he flipped his cards over, showing a very impressive hand. “They’re not like the lobbyists frothing at the mouth for more battle.”

Lady Hux wasn’t too big a fan of that, and she tossed down her less-than-impressive hand with a huff.

“If I have to hear their rampant defense of enslavement once more I’m going to simply open fire upon the entire lot of them!” She rolled her eyes, “I personally think this is an attempt at recovering from the disaster that was the good ol’ U-S-A. The crown must be embarrassed, even after all this time to attempt to dominate another indominable continent.”

“You think Africa will be indominable?” Kylo asked curiously.

“I _know_ it will, as it should be. Is the Empire not big enough already? Britain is greedy, as are the lobbyists. That is their hubris, and it will be their eventual downfall. We could have settled with what we had but yet, we always need more. How are we to be a great nation when we throw innocents in concentration camps? It is despicable what has happened in Africa, and the world will surely pay for it.” Her grand speech inspired you, even if it was a tad hypocritical given her own political gaining.

“But we are not the only country attempting to secure our hold, nor have we been for a long time.” You pointed out, “France, Russia, Germany, Portugal – they all have pieces of countries in their clutches. They are just as greedy, if not more. Speaking of countries, I’m surprised the Americans will even bother to give you the time of day – wasn’t it only a couple of decades ago that they had that bloody civil war, a conflict caused by their own imperialism and consequences of the enslavement of those from Africa?”

“Maybe, but they are young and they are hungry, this much is true.” Hux put down his cards, making you grimace for a slight moment or two before you schooled your expression. Thankfully, no one was paying attention, as Hux continued, “And we have more than enough fruit to share.”

“We do, don’t we?” You mused with a sigh, “Kylo told me about the partnership, I’d like you to know I’m not opposed to it. In fact, I think it’s very smart what you’re doing, if perhaps a little devious. I would much rather us have these great killing machines than another nation who might turn them against us – although they no doubt have killing machines of their own, I’m sure.”

And finally, you put down your cards, eliciting a whoop and a cheer from your friends when it became clear you had the worst hand of the round. You all laughed and smoked and you were a good sport about it,

“You’d be correct, we can only hope ours are bigger and make more of a boom. And now my friend, I believe you must remove your corset cover.”

* * *

The hiss and clang of the boiler rooms greeted you before the heat did, but the moment it does, it is sweltering. A maze of wrought iron stairs and grate walkways seemed to stretch on forever into the bowels of the ship, and looking down down down it made you almost dizzy.

You had ventured to the depths of the Titanic after the game of strip poker concluded with your friends bidding you adieu to go indulge in one another, and you and Kylo took the opportunity to do the very same.

“Kylo…are you sure this is safe?” You whispered to your husband, nervous in a strange way that you hadn’t been before.

“Of course it’s safe, look there are workers all around us.” Kylo gestured to the men walking the pathways with ease, not even jumping when the steam erupted from valves like some great tea kettle. “They would not be down here if it were dangerous, in fact, this is likely the safest place aboard the whole ship.”

“Oh? And why is that?” You regard your husband’s cheeky grin with a little smile of your own, as he collected you up in his embrace.

“Because you’re here in my arms.” He whispered, kissing your cheek.

“You charmer,” You laughed, covering your mouth. The echo was wild down here, the noises all bouncing around the big machines. You lowered your voice to a whisper so you wouldn’t get caught, knowing full well that even if you did, Kylo could bribe them away. “I don’t think I want to go any further down though, if that’s alright. It’s so smoky down there, and I want to see you clearly.”

Kylo simply nodded, tipped your head up by a pinch of your chin, and kissed you.

You didn’t think you’d ever get over this, the thrill of kissing Kylo. He was so good at it, and you were pleased to know you were good at it too. The both of you leaning into one another, tasting one another, savoring your tongues like expensive wine, learning and growing from the reactions you were able to pull.

He wound a hand into your hair and gripped tightly at your neck, your skull tingling and making you grin against his mouth as your hands worked to unbutton his hastily done trousers. What a sight you must have been, a less than pristine example of first class elegance gone debauched.

His cock is hard in your hand, and when he realizes what you’re doing he moans into your mouth, begins hiking up all your many layers of skirt and petticoat to get to your hot pussy, so wet for him, for the very thought of him.

You thought back to that morning, how the sex had been gentle and sweet. You’re hoping that down here in the depths of the boiler room, it is aggressive, dirty, rough.

But then – Kylo stopped.

There was a lurch, a jolt of the ship.

You whined for a moment, too wrapped up in your own pursuit of pleasure, annoyed that this has stopped before it had a chance to even begun.

“What was that?” Kylo’s hand retracted from your skirts, rushing to the railing of the metal stairs, shouting to the workers below, “Does anyone know what that was?”

There is a jumbled response which summed up to _we don’t know._

“Nothing, just a bump in the night I’m sure – ” You tried convincing him to return his mouth to yours, but he shook his head, adamant.

“No, no blossom,” He went still, trained his ear to the walls. “Something feels wrong, listen, do you hear that?”

You follow him to the wall, press your ear against it, when suddenly, you feel the freezing cold of dread hit your very veins.

“I’m – I’d like to go back up to our rooms now, now Kylo, please.” You whispered, and he does not hesitate to yank you up the stairs in a scrambled rushing run.

Because though you were in the middle of the ship, though you were not near or close to the waves, what you heard when you pressed your ear to the wall…

Was water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Historical fun facts as always! :) 
> 
> -One of the interesting things about the Titanic is that the ship followed its own time zone. Because Titanic was moving West, it chased the sun and would set its clocks according to the longitudinal noon. Wherever the sun was supposed to be in the middle of the sky, that became the new noon. This constant change makes it very difficult for historians to figure out when certain events actually happened, because the ship was essentially running on its own clock.  
> -Sunday services were held on both the first and second class decks, but weren't mandatory, of course.  
> -First class cabins were the only ones who got to enjoy en suite bathrooms, second class passengers had a sink in their cabin, but both second and third class passengers had to use the communal restrooms on board.  
> -All that gossip was real lol and there's plenty more!  
> -There is some rumor and debate (although in my opinion it's more of a conspiracy) that the Titanic could have avoided the iceberg altogether if it weren't going so fast. Titanic was not a ship built for speed, and though they were breaking speed records, it wasn't the intent to do so. But because it /was/ going so fast, it didn't have enough time to turn completely out of the way and avoid hitting the ice.  
> -The Scramble for Africa was a very dark and politically corrupt imperialistic grasp for power in Africa, and this vie for power directly contributed to WW1  
> -The Titanic had 29 coal-fired boilers housed in 6 different rooms aboard the ship.  
> -Early Saturday morning on April 13th 1912, a fire that had been smoldering throughout the entire journey was recently put out. It was done so by shifting coal to the other side of the ship, which actually made it lean 3 degrees, which could have contributed to the inability to steer away from the ice berg as well.


	6. Chasing Air

It was a race, up to the passenger decks. That sound, that horrible gushing rushing thrumming thudding sound of water, water where water should not be, pounded against your skull. You didn’t see any yet, there was no water around yet, but you knew there would be soon – something had happened to the Titanic, and there would be water soon.

You and Kylo whirled up staircase after staircase, as fear and dread plummeted down into the very depths of your soul. It was so empty throughout so much of the ship, so empty. Too late in the evening, you supposed, it had to be nearing midnight, surely everyone was in their beds.

“The ship!” You shouted loud and clear, slamming your hand against the wall as you raced through hallways, “There’s something wrong with the ship!”

You and Kylo made the climb up to B-deck, legs sore from so much sudden exercise. Your voice carried out through the empty halls, making people poke their heads out from the narrow corridors which housed their cabins.

Kylo, though he stayed silent, never once let go of your hand.

You shouted still, a plea for those to hear you, to heed your warning that something was wrong – when you bumped into a man dressed in his finest. Guggenheim, you presumed, from the nature of his dress. He was in his complete finery for some odd reason, as if he had not yet undressed after dinner.

“There’s ice all across the boat deck.” He said, as if that was any explanation.

You could feel something, something in the ship, could feel a leaning. A tilt, perhaps maybe it was imagined, you weren’t sure, your heart was beating too quickly and your mind was all over the place.

“Ice?” You didn’t know what that meant – surely there had been only a small explosion, something meaningless in the grand scheme of things, something they could repair, could account for.

“We’ve struck an iceberg, they’re handing out life jackets and ordering everyone to the top deck to board the lifeboats. They’ll be deploying them in twenty minutes.” The man explained, and suddenly a wave of nausea struck you, for there would be no way to repair damage to the hull of the ship, no way to account for that in the design of this beautiful beast.

“Twenty minutes! Shit, thank you sir – thank you so much!” Was all you were able to say, before Kylo was practically dragging you up the remainder of the stairs, down down down the corridors to your cabin.

* * *

He wasted little time rummaging through all your things, all your trunks, the moment the door to the cabin closed.

“Get dressed at once, something warm, warmer than you think. It will be freezing out there.” He said, already thinking ten steps ahead.

How dependable he was, your Kylo. Even in the midst of your panic, he remained calm. You were thankful for this, and you too began rummaging through trunks.

You found your thickest wool sweaters, gratefully took the heavy lined trousers that your husband gently tossed to you. You knew dresses and skirts would simply not do, they wouldn’t keep you warm, wouldn’t let you be as agile as you needed, not now.

“Kylo…” You began, buttoning up everything and pulling your nice fur coat and hat onto your person, “Darling do you think there’ll be enough lifeboats for everyone? Everyone aboard, I mean.”

It was an errant thought, but one that you couldn’t help but worry about. Yes they had done the drill before departing Southampton of course, but they also had taken on so many more people than had once been planned. And all those who had boarded in Ireland too, you were concerned for those in the third class who might not have even yet heard the orders.

“I don’t know, I can only assume so.” Kylo shook his head, shedding his rigid dinner clothing and instead pulling on thick wools and a tweed suit that would warm his bones as well, when you were both on the lifeboat. He rushed to your side, kissed the back of your hand urgently. “Quickly blossom, we haven’t time to lose.”

You nod in agreement, returning your attention to ensuring that you had everything fastened and strapped to your body that you could.

Kylo had stepped into the other room for a moment, was going through the safe. In it, he had stacks and stacks of cash, all your very fine jewelry, paperwork for New York and something which shocked you, yet really shouldn’t have.

“Here take this – ” He pressed the gun into your hand, the bite of the metal cold even through the leather of your gloves. He searched your gaze seriously cooly calmly, voice low as he asked, “Do you know how to fire it if needed?”

“Yes of course, but I don’t think – ” You blinked, recoiling at the insinuation.

You didn’t like that, didn’t like the idea that Kylo would not be there to fire it for you.

“I’ve seen what chaos will do to men who claim to be respectable. I’ve looked terror in the eyes, please, please just take it.” He pressed, and only for his own reassurance did you close your hand around it, put it safely in your coat pocket.

“Alright.” You sighed, reaching for his hand once more.

It took two steps outside your door, for someone to literally run into you.

Thankfully, that someone was Rose, and she was wide-eyed with worry and fear. Her expression crashed into something more relieved at the sight of you and Kylo, and you knew she’d be smiling if things weren’t so uncertain. Rose had a certain sort of hope to her, a spirit that you found infectious. You borrowed some of that hope, and embraced her in a hug.

“Oh Rose, come quickly we’ve been ordered to evacuate.” You said, in case she hadn’t heard.

“I’m eternally glad to see you my Lord and Lady, please let’s go now before things turn hectic.” She agreed, to which Kylo agreed as well by a firm tug on your hand.

“Where’s Dopheld?” You remained unmoving for a moment, looking over the heads of passengers who had begun to file calmly and orderly out of their rooms through the corridors, trying to find the well-mannered valet.

“I don’t know, we’re not in the same quarters. Perhaps he is with those of the geriatric first class like he has been this whole time. I’m sure they’re all up on top deck waiting for us.” Rose said with a little scoff.

“Let’s not waste any more time, come. If he’s there we will find him.” Kylo tugged on your hand once more, and this time you went.

* * *

In another context, it would have been beautiful, the stars. Oh how many stars there were in the night sky! There were a million of them, a hundred million perhaps, twinkling in patterns and constellations that you did not know the names of. The stars were all there was, no clouds, no wind, not even a moon to illuminate the water below. Nothing but a vast expanse of black, frigid and freezing cold. You wondered if this is what nightmares looked like, that feeling of running into the void forever and ever, never coming out the other side.

There was light, of course, from the ship. Small lights mounted to the walls, light from rooms within the ship all gave you enough to see by. But you could not see anything beyond merely a few feet off the ship’s railings. Where was this great iceberg, the one Titanic had hit? You couldn’t see, and after a moment, you gave up trying to look.

The top deck was aswarm with people. Passengers of first and second class were crowding the railings, waiting their turn in lines to board boats which had been lowered enough over the side of the ship to accommodate them. Officers were blowing their whistles and directing traffic as it were. Nobody seemed to be panicking, and so you too did not panic.

Well, you did, but seeing the crew so calm gave you an inkling of faith.

Kylo led you and Rose to one such line, checked and double checked that your clothing was well fitting enough. You could see your breath in front of you, white clouds puffed with each exhale. You wondered if you were breathing too much, if it was making you dizzy, because you could feel a lean, a tilt, you knew you could.

You tried not to listen to the crying around you, but gave in, wondering what the sobs were of. Fear, like your own? Yes, surely. But then you paid attention a little harder, listened to the goodbyes and the farewell kisses, and that was when you realized there were no men aboard the departing lifeboats, save for the single officer in charge of commanding it.

This reality hit you harshly when it was your turn to step over the railing, and Kylo let go of your hand.

“You’re coming with me.” You said. It wasn’t a question or a plea, but an order, an instruction. 

“Women and children only at this time.” An officer approached you, shaking his head at you. 

“But good sir – !” Your voiced cracked, rabbit pulse in your throat.

Here you were, dressed in trousers of all things, one leg over the railing of the Titanic, and you couldn’t even have your husband with you?

The officer noted your distress and he sighed sympathetically.

“I’m very sorry ma’am, rules are rules.” He chewed his lip, seeming to recognize who your husband was. Whether it was from gossip, or your strolls, or some other reason you didn’t know, but he turned to Kylo and regarded him with respect. “But please know, Lord Ren, we _will_ have a place for you aboard the lifeboat. It may just take some time once the women and children have boarded.”

You looked between them, between Kylo and Rose and the officer, and the lifeboat filled with people awaiting you to join them so they could depart themselves.

“This is to take quite some time, I assume?” Kylo asked the officer.

“Yes Lord Ren, we’ve been told that the damage was not so severe. Please, if you would be so patient, we’ll have you on the first boat off as soon as we’ve secured the more delicate of passengers.” The young man – for he was young, wasn’t he? Had to be no older than you, and what a wonder was that. You couldn’t imagine yourself in charge of mitigating a crisis like this.

Kylo clenched his jaw, released the grip on your hand.

“(Y/N), Rose, get on the boat.” He said firmly yet softly, not cruel just set. “It’ll be alright, we’ve got time. I’m going to look for Dopheld, I don’t see him aboard the deck. I’m going to get him and we’ll board the lifeboat.”

“Kylo please – ” You felt hysteria rise for a moment, felt the hiccup of a sob at the thought at the mere notion of parting from him now of all times.

“Everything’s going to be alright my angel, I will find you the moment I can. I’ll force the rowers to keep our boats next to one another, chain them together, so we may hold hands and I may comfort you. But you must go now, go.” He wrapped you up in his arms, pet your hair with comforting soothing strokes of his palm. He kissed your cheek once, twice, three times, before whispering in your ear so only you could hear.

Your chin wobbled and pinched, but you took a deep breath. You would not become one of the women crying over her husband, for that would be a goodbye. You were not saying goodbye, not yet.

“Do you promise?” You said instead, eyes hard, stubborn.

“I swear to you.” He grasped your arms and kissed you.

There was so much in the kiss, so much. There was passion, there was sincerity, there was fear. You could taste the fear off his lips, the iron nickel copper flavor of blood in his mouth from where he had bitten through his cheek. It didn’t comfort you as much as it should have.

You resigned that you would simply kiss him again when you were both on the boats, when they were chained together just as Kylo had said.

“Ma’am!” The officer aboard the lifeboat shouted at you, no doubt his own nerves frazzled and frayed from this unexpected event. He had a flashlight in his hands to cut through the inky darkness, shined it onto your waiting spot, guiding your feet. “Onto the boat, please!”

“Yes, yes alright. Alright.” You said, tried to remain calm, polite.

It was just as Kylo said, people could get ugly in times of tension, you didn’t want to be an instigating factor.

* * *

There was something harrowing, about the sight of your husband receding into the distance as the rowboat began to depart. So far away he was now, just a dot among the crowd, from all the way in the water. Rose sat close to your side, the two of you keeping warm together while some stronger women took charge of the oars and pushed you all away from the ship.

From there you could see the tilt much more prominently, could see it for what it was. The ship was leaning to one side, drastically so. It was sick, a sick relief that which swept through you, but relief you felt nonetheless that you weren’t losing it. You needed all your wits about you.

The thought made you laugh inside your own head, the last time you said that had been preparing for dinner with the Huxes – and now here you were wondering if they’d gotten onto a boat themselves. Lord and Lady Hux were smart people, but they were both filled with alcohol last you saw them. You closed your eyes against the dread of cold, hoped against all hope they would make it out in time.

The officer aboard your lifeboat had been shouting orders at those who rowed, keeping them in time.

_Row!_

_Row!_

_Row!_

He blew his whistle to the beat of his own drum, and the rowers rowed on command. You wished you could help, wished you could do something. But your arms were not meant for sport like this, even if you could you’d probably throw the whole lifeboat off course.

So instead, you and Rose huddle against one another, as children huddle against their mothers beside you, everyone doing their best to keep warm.

You didn’t know how long or how far you had gotten from the ship. Not very far, for you could still see the great ocean liner, the lights still bright, the sound of the crew and passengers still loud in your ears. So loud in fact, that you almost think you’re imagining it when the return orders come in. 

“This is the Captain speaking. You there, lifeboat four!” The man in white, the captain which you had seen on your first day was calling into a megaphone. “Lifeboat four, this is the Captain, return to the ship at once.”

The plea was repeated twice more, and yet the officer stationed at the front of your lifeboat paid him no mind.

“Keep rowing.” The man said instead.

“Excuse me?” You could not prevent yourself from this incredulous inquiry.

“You heard what I said, ma’am, keep rowing.” The man held his ground.

You straightened your back, squared your shoulders. Anger rushed through you, a temper which you used so seldomly. But it was a just temper you reasoned. He was committing a mutiny by ignoring the orders, must have been committing some moral breach by it too. The lifeboat was nearly half-filled, you could mentally picture how a woman could sit just there, or a child could be soothed over there.

“And you heard what the _Captain_ said! We must go back, there is plenty of room here.” You turned to your fellow lifeboat passengers, hoping they would agree with you, hoping they’d stand up for themselves and for their fellow women. “We can go back and take more people, we can save more lives.”

And they did seem inclined, until the officer threw down his whistle with a slam, rushed forward and grabbed you by your coat collar, brought you close to his face so you could see just how ugly of a person he truly was.

“I said, _keep rowing.”_ He ordered between grit teeth.

Quick as a whip you pulled the gun out from your coat pocket, knocked back the safety. You cocked the trigger and shoved the barrel of the gun against his cheek. Your hand did not shake, nor did your voice tremble, when _you_ ordered,

“We’re going back.”

* * *

The atmosphere on the Titanic had changed dramatically, by the time your lifeboat returned to the side of the ship. The thing was sinking, this was evident, so clear in the way the front of the ship had tipped so drastically into the water. You could see it, could see the way the frozen ocean sloshed and lapped at the polished wood of the deck from all the way over there, all the way on the other end.

Men women and children scrambled, cries and screams were loud and clear from decks below you, from the deck you’re on. Dogs barked and chased one another, cats hissed and meowed, birds in cages squawked among the stampede of passengers who had flooded the top deck.

But by some miracle, some incredible miracle, you see your valet up against the railing, holding hands of those climbing onto boats and helping them settle. He is dressed in his best, and for this your heart warms you through the deep chill of the night April air.

“Dopheld!” You called, disarming your gun and relinquishing the officer whom you had been holding hostage for the duration of the trip back. You shouted and waved your arms to catch his attention, “Mr. Dopheld!! How glad we are to see you, did Lord Ren find you in short order?”

Dopheld rushed to your side, reached a hand over the railing for you. You grasped it and give it a good firm shake, so so so pleased to see him. Your eyes scanned his surrounding area, looking for the tall handsome man you called your own, but your wild grin faded into something of dread and despair when you did not find him.

“No, my Lady, I have not seen him.” Dopheld frowned too, and you could feel it against his palm, the clamminess which broke out upon realizing, “You mean to say he has gone looking for me?”

“Yes, shit, yes he has.” You cursed, mildly shocking those in the boat with you.

You make a split second decision then, and tighten your grip on Dopheld’s hand. He understood at once, and helped hoist you out of the lifeboat. Those around you looked at you like you were a madwoman, and maybe you were. Maybe you were.

But Kylo was in there, somewhere in the ship, and it was sinking, and you would not go without him.

You turned to a group of people waiting to board, helped usher them to the front of the railing.

“Here, children here, please sit.” You said, picking them up and handing them to the people in your boat, lending a hand for the mothers to follow suit. “Go without me, I’ll get on another. I just – I must find him.”

“Ma’am please – ” One of the women on the boat, one of the rowers, began to implore you to come back but you’d made up your mind.

“Go.” You shook your head before turning to your friends, “Dopheld, you stay here and assist these fine officers. Rose, help keep the children at ease. I’ll be back.”

You felt a hand grasp the back of your coat, and you were nearly pulled back from the force of someone yanking themselves up over the railing, out of the ship too.

“No!” Rose shouted, voice loud loud loud in your ear, desperate in a way you’d never heard from anyone before. “No, I’m going with you.”

She righted herself on the deck, brushed down the skirt of her dress, smoothed the bodice and lifted her chin high, defiant.

“Please we don’t have time for this – ” You tried, but just as stubborn as you were, so was she.

“I won’t let you go alone.” She insisted, and you would never say it out loud, you’d never admit it, but part of you was so grateful that you wouldn’t have to dive back into the Titanic alone.

Dopheld remained on the top deck at your orders, this kind and gentle boy. He helped women and children alike into lifeboats that were clearly outnumbered, tried his best to remain calm, even when those shouted and screamed and cried around him. You threw a look at him over your shoulder as you and Rose began to run into the main lobby of the ship, and you hoped beyond hope that it would not be your last.

* * *

You entered the ship on the first class B-deck, through one of the passenger corridor doors which had been left open. You and Rose had to fight a surge of passengers in all their finery who began exiting through the corridor at once, pushing and shoving you to the walls. You were afraid for a moment that you’d be trampled to death, but you pushed through. 

“By god we’re sinking!” A woman screamed, clutching a crying child to her chest.

“Quick, you must get to the top deck immediately, you must!” A man shouted, voice gruff and deep and in command.

“Everyone, calmly! Please!” Another man ordered to no avail.

“Life-jackets! Give me a life-jacket!” A woman begged.

You tried to filter it all out – you had one mission, one quest, as it were. Searching for Kylo took up all of your mental energy in that moment, you nearly grow numb to the frenzy around you.

Your legs were sore but you pressed on, making your way through the corridor of first class men and women and finding yourself in the lobby at the foot of the grand staircase. How strange, you thought, that the beauty of the staircase would soon be at the bottom of the ocean? How sad, that the gorgeous wood carving and latticework would be rotted away, eroded by time and salt.

Kylo was not there, he wasn’t. You would have seen him by now, and so, you must keep going, further and further into the ship, closer and closer to the water.

* * *

Chaos, was the word. The only word that could describe the sights around you. People, so many people, running for their lives. Did they know which way to run? Did they know which way it was to safety, to freedom?

Did you?

You’re deep in the depths of the ship now, the beauty of the first class all gone. There were no grand staircases down here, no beautiful glass dome skylights, no angels holding torches. You were in a corridor, a winding maze of dead ends which frustrated you beyond anything else. You wished your tour of the ship had been more thorough, hadn’t included simply the first three levels.

Because Kylo was not on the first three levels. He was not anywhere, nowhere in sight.

When you opened your mouth to call his name, to shout for him down this new corridor once more, it came out as a scream, hoarse and shrill.

“Kylo!” You begged, cupping your hands around your mouth much in the same way the captain had cupped his hands around his megaphone, “Kylo can you hear me?”

The noise was swallowed by something horrific, by something dangerous and terrifying – silence. You closed your eyes briefly and assumed that all it meant, was that everyone had already gone, already rushed to the top deck, already abandoned their beds.

Rose sighed, scrubbed her hand across her sweat-drenched face. She was just as unaccustomed to the sprinting as you were, and no doubt her calves and knees were aching with new use. Scullery maids did much, did so much work, but nothing like this, never under conditions like these.

Still, you ran ran ran as fast as your legs could take you, back through the empty corridor and into the lobby.

“I don’t know which deck we’re even on, where are we?” Rose asked, her voice too hoarse and clipping in and out of audibility.

“E? I believe we’re on E, see the staircase?” You pointed behind you.

“I see it – I see it and we have to go, we have to go _now!”_ Rose screamed, because as you looked toward the sound of her panic, you saw it.

Water.

So much water.

More water than you had imagined, ever imagined seeing inside.

It did not come in a great plunge or gush, it did not erupt like a geyser through the ship. You must have been far from the damaged part of the Titanic you thought, for it to rise so slowly, so steadily.

But it did rise, and just as it did, tears welled in your eyes. You blinked them away, hot and filled with terror, frozen in place. Fight or flight truly had nothing on freeze, you thought to yourself, thought of the way that water would soon reach the landing of the staircase, would soon overtake the room.

You grabbed Rose’s hand, raced to the other end of the ship. You could not turn back now, you couldn’t. You had searched so much of the Titanic, had looked through so much. If you simply moved farther and farther away from the damage, perhaps you could outrun the water a little longer.

Just a little longer to look, you had to keep looking.

* * *

Rose ran, and you ran with her, down the other end of the ship, and there you were met with more more more people, scrambling, racing, screaming.

Why was everyone screaming?

Were you screaming?

You couldn’t tell.

“Kylo!” You begged, for now it was begging, now it was pleading to you didn’t even know who – fate, the universe, someone, anyone. You closed your eyes and took in a deep breath as tears rolled hot down your cheeks, “Kylo Ren!”

Part of you, a traitorous part of you, wondered if he would ever hear you again. If perhaps he was lost forever, if perhaps you’d never find him.

The water was up to your knees now. Bitter cold, the coldest thing you’d ever felt. It made the running so much harder, not just for you but for everyone. And oh how it seemed everyone was here, shoutingscreamingwailingbeggingcrying –

_Save us._

_Save us._

_Save us._

Your breath quickened, your pulse hammering against your temples as you screamed out his name again, leaning on a grand marble pillar for support, wondering if he were somewhere out there screaming for you.

You were lost, so lost. Not within the ship, no. You’d somehow gotten back up the ship, climbed too many stairs to count, landed yourself in the Palm Court. Oh how you loved eating lunch here just a few short days ago, days which now felt a lifetime away. No, you were not lost aboard the Titanic, but without Kylo.

You cried, cried and sobbed as the ship lurched, leaned to the side more prominently. All the furniture began to tip, all the chairs and tables which had been set so carefully for the next day slid down towards the wall.

The ship creaked and groaned, you could hear it, could hear the way it flooded, could hear the way it swallowed so much water. You didn’t care about the tears anymore, what was a few more drops of saltwater after all?

“Lady Ren – ” Rose tried to comfort you, but you stopped her there.

“(Y/N). Call me (Y/N), Rose please I beg of you.” You looked at her, really looked at your friend.

For she was your friend, was she not? Not just staff, but a friend. If you were to die together in the bowels of this ship, you would not do so as Lady and Scullery Maid. You’d do it as friends.

“(Y/N),” She said, embracing you in her arms, comforting you as you comforted her right back. “He isn’t here. Perhaps we missed him somehow?”

“I don’t – I don’t know where he could be, I have to keep looking, Rose, I have to.” You were adamant, were insistent, were stubborn. The surface was so close, it was so close and you knew she was thinking it. You gave her the permission she needed, “If you wish to return to the lifeboats, I beseech you please do, please get yourself safe.”

Rose looked offended at that, as men and women and children all cried and shouted around you.

_Save us._

_Save us._

_Save us._

“No, I meant it what I said. I won’t leave you, I can’t bear to do that, I have to make sure you’re alright.” She shook her head and you could only sob, could only hold on as the ship tipped tipped tipped.

“Why? Rose please – ” You tried, when she stepped away.

“Because I couldn’t save my sister!” She shouted, as if the admission was one she’d been harboring all this time, “I couldn’t save her and I can’t bear the thought of leaving someone else in a time of great need. I couldn’t help her, but I can help you, and Lord Ren, and I intend to stay by your side.”

“You are very kind.” You said. You wanted to add so much more, like _brave and good and deserving of so much more,_ but your brain couldn’t come up with the words.

The lights flashed and sparked, and you worried for a moment that you’d electrocute yourselves before you found him.

The water was up to your thighs now, and oh it was so cold. It felt stupid almost, to remark on the temperature of the water in a sinking ship, but you couldn’t wrap your mind around how awfully, exceedingly, _cold_ it was.

“You could have let the rowboat leave half-filled, and you didn’t. You could have stayed in the boat, but you didn’t. You could have abandoned Kylo – surely you’d inherit all his money and live comfortably after his death, surely you’d remarry, no one would blame you – but here we are.” Rose said, and for some reason, for some reason you begin to laugh through your tears.

You could have, this was all true. You could have packed up and sat on that lifeboat and never looked back. You had known Kylo what, a week? Three days at home and four on the Titanic. Surely you would have gotten over him in time, surely you would have done all the things Rose said and lived a long and happy life with someone else.

But you didn’t want someone else, anyone else.

You wanted Kylo.

You Kylo, who went to war and fought and killed and nearly died for it. Your Kylo, who murdered his father and drew swords against his sister. Your Kylo, who was cruel and callous and evil, surely he was evil.

Except he wasn’t, he wasn’t. He was kind and compassionate and fair and funny and so handsome and so smart and loving and _oh_ you loved him! You loved him and you’d never even told him. You’d never even uttered those words, those three little words. The realization grips your heart like a vice and you wonder if you’re having an attack of some sort, you gasp out and brace yourself against your friend, against Rose.

“I…” You found your eyes were blurred once more, “I know it may seem silly, for we have known each other only a short time. But I cannot imagine my life without him, without any of you now that we have had this time together. I don’t want to imagine it.”

“You are good to him, good to all of us.” Rose hugged you tightly.

The lights flashed and flared, one by one going out as the water level began to rise faster.

It was up to your waists now.

You didn’t know what to do. You didn’t know what drowning felt like, you didn’t know, and that not knowing dripped terror as cold as the water sloshing and smacking around the walls of the lobby. You hugged your friend for a moment more, opened your eyes to see, to stare at the flood, at the sinking, to scorn it.

When – when just there, wait!

Was that a flash of hair you recognized?

Was that a glimpse of his jacket cuff that you had buttoned for him so lovingly? How long ago had that been, one hour, two? Had it already been two hours?

The water was up to your ribs now.

“I see him!” You gasped, because _yes yes yes_ that was Kylo, that was Kylo rising up through the stairwell, water propelling him to the surface. “I think – I think that is him!”

You let go of Rose immediately, began making your way towards him, towards your husband. You did not think about how he was face down, you did not think about how he was unmoving. You thought of nothing but getting to him, but getting to Kylo.

“You’ll have to swim, (Y/N) the water is rising we have to swim – !” Rose shouted, as the doors of the corridor all began to burst, water shooting into the lobby, so cold.

“Rose?” You laughed, nearly hysterical.

“Yes?” Rose replied, looking at you like you’d gone mad.

“If we survive this,” You laughed and laughed because how fucked up is this, how fucked up is all of this, how terrible and awful and terrifying is this, that all you can do was laugh when you asked, “Would you be my lady’s maid?”

And Rose smiled then, despite the water rising up to her neck, despite her hanging on to the marble pillar which you have now abandoned.

“It’d be an honor, (Y/N).” She said, as the two of you took a deep breath, the water finally rising above your heads.

* * *

It was him, floating there in the water. You did not have to do much by means of getting to him, with the water now flooded the room completely. The current inside the Palm Court itself brought him to you, brought your Kylo to you.

He was so handsome, you couldn’t help but think as you hooked your arms underneath his shoulders, as you kicked kicked kicked to the stairwell where Rose was swimming away. She was swimming ahead to breathe, and you followed her.

Before you had been chased by water, and now you were chasing air.

You felt your eyes nearly freeze over under the water. You had to keep them open, had to force them open. How long had you been under, a minute? A second? An hour? You didn’t know, couldn’t tell. All you knew was that here under the water, Kylo weighed nothing at all, as you kicked.

There were lights up ahead, shimmering in the distance. Not so far then, you thought. How were you so calm? Or perhaps you weren’t calm at all, perhaps you were simply so overwhelmed that you had grown numb to everything. Was the water making you numb? You didn’t know.

You didn’t know, but you had Kylo, and that was what mattered.

You swam, desperate, so close so close so close so close – and finally!

Your head breached the water, the water which rushed and tried to drag you back down. You didn’t let it, and neither did Rose, Rose who had swam ahead enough to grab your hand, grab your husband. You gasped and sputtered, your lungs taking in as much air as they could, panting and wheezing, coughing up salt.

Rose was speechless at the sight of you, how you made it, somehow made it with Kylo. He was there, he was in your arms, you had found him. Against all odds, you had found him. You dragged his head above the surface and dared him to breathe.

He looked so pale, being cold for so long. But still you looked at him, dragged him up up up the staircases, up up up onto the top deck, you and Rose outrunning water, chasing air.

All seemed hopeful, and then the lights snapped out, and everyone around you stopped and screamed, and you heard the awful horrible creaking groan of steel splitting beneath you, voices with hands clasped, palms outstretched to lifeboats who would not dare come closer.

_Save us._

_Save us._

_Save us._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was today in remembrance of the sinking of the RMS Titanic, which took place 108 years ago, April 14th 1912.
> 
> I have no fun facts for this chapter, nor will there be any for the next, but I hope nonetheless this chapter was able to inspire you to research and pay respects to the disaster that we are about to watch unfold. 
> 
> Sending you all my love, see you in the next one.


	7. Saved

He stood there against the railing of the ship until your lifeboat was too far for him to see any longer. And then, Kylo being Kylo, he stayed there a little longer. He wondered if you were waving, if you were watching him too. The cold drip of dread trickled down the back of his neck as he thought of trying to get back to you when he found Dopheld. How would he convince the lifeboat officer to row towards you? He had promised you that they would.

He had to keep thinking in this manner, thinking of the future, the very near future where you would be together again. You and Rose and him and Dopheld all together. But still, still there was an unease in his stomach.

He knew that the lifeboats were not a guaranteed safety, he knew it was not a secured survival.

But damn it all, he thought as he watched your face disappear into the frozen black of night, damn it all, it was the best chance he could have given you.

Around him, others were making the same decision. Some were agreeing, but others were not. One such couple, an elderly pair of first class status were in a middle of an argument.

“Ida my darling you must get into the boat – ” The old man begged, but the woman was having none of it.

“I am not leaving you and that is final. We have been together for far too long, to be apart now.” She insisted, and that made Kylo smile, for it reminded him so much of you.

He could imagine it just then, could imagine the way a handful of decades from now you would refuse to part from him. He thought back to what you had told him just earlier that day – how had it been only earlier that day? – how you imagined a long life together. He was adamant about giving it to you, was stubborn about that in his own right.

Which is why he made you go on the boat. He knew you were safer there than on this sinking ship. He wondered what you were doing on the lifeboat, if you and Rose were attempting to keep the spirits up. You always seemed to put people at ease, and Rose had a good-natured attitude for just about everything. Surely the lifeboat was lucky to have you both aboard it, Kylo thought.

He looked out into the water again, a final time.

“You’ll see me soon.” He said clearly, hoping hoping hoping the wind would carry his voice to you, hoping you would hear him, would feel it. He had promised, and he did not break his promises.

Kylo felt a strange memory come up to the surface, standing there and watching you recede into the distance.

* * *

Where there were frigid waters now sparkled bright seas off the coast of Ireland, sunshine golden on a rare day. He was no longer standing against a railing of a sinking ship, but rather pushed up against the dock gate, ocean breeze tousling his short locks. He was no longer a proud man of status and wealth, but instead a small boy, frightened and afraid, waving goodbye to his parents as they too sailed away.

 _You’ll see us soon_ , they had said. They had shouted it from the bow of a sailboat his father had commanded, a sailboat which Kylo had resented forever from that moment on.

For it was The Falcon, a brilliant thing quicker than any other luxury boat on the market, all thanks to his father’s own tinkering. Kylo had once loved hopping aboard, running around the aft end and breathing in lungfuls of salted air; but ever since that fateful day, the day his parents abandoned him, dropped him off at his Uncle’s island and never returned…well.

One could hardly blame him for his soured feelings.

 _You’ll see us soon,_ they had lied. Years had passed under his uncle’s tutelage, years of being feared, of being talked about, gossiped about. Kylo was no stranger to gossip, he never had been. The other children on the island did not even tease him, for they were so fearful of his retaliation, what he would do to them. He had never once shown any signs that he would do _anything_ to them – why were they so afraid?

Was he a monster? Maybe he was a monster, he had to be, to be so feared.

* * *

And just like that, with a blink he was back to the present, and you were out of sight, the lifeboat rowing farther and farther away from what would surely be a wreck.

“There is time, you say?” Kylo asked the officer as he pulled out a pocket-watch from his vest.

According to his watch it was just nearing 12:45am. Had it already been an hour since the iceberg struck? Time seemed so strange here, Kylo could not be sure.

“Yes my Lord, and we have many a lifeboat. Even when those are filled, we have collapsible emergency boats. We will have a place for you, if you remain here, and remain calm.” The young man nodded, pointed to all the small boats still empty.

The crew was working hard to get them prepared, to get them ready. Kylo could not imagine how dangerous a job that must have been, for those boats were large and must have been heavy. He could hear the wood knocking against the hull of the ship as they were lowered, prepared for passengers to fill them with more weight.

Did the crew know how quickly the ship would sink? Or perhaps slowly. Is that why they were so calm? None of the officers seemed to be worried, none of them at all. Kylo did not know whether they were geniuses, or fools.

“I must go fetch my valet, I won’t leave the ship without him.” Kylo explained, but the officer didn’t seem too frazzled.

“No rush at all my Lord, we will be here when you return.” He assured Kylo.

Kylo cast one last look out into the inky depths and sighed. You were safe, he had ensured that. Now it was only a matter of finding his dear valet and ensuring his safety as well.

Luckily, it seemed as though the officer was right – there wasn’t any rush amongst the passengers who had began to file in orderly fashion for their life-vests. In fact, there was a calmness in the air about the whole thing that Kylo found quite eerie. It reminded him too much of sitting and waiting around for someone to start shooting, a calm before the storm.

He thanked his long legs for their patience with him as he stalked the top deck. Surely if he were up there, Kylo would find him. Except the top deck was dark, and all the gentlemen wore their hair in the same cut, which made it exceedingly difficult to pick _his_ gentleman out of the lot of them.

“Mr. Dopheld Mitaka!” Kylo cupped his hands around his mouth and let his deep voice bellow out into the night. “Mr. Mitaka if you can hear me, say my name!”

A moment, two, three, four passed and no one shouted anything back at him. In fact, everyone in the surrounding area looked at him as if he were a lunatic. They cast judgmental glares in his direction, and he sighed. It wasn’t quiet, and he was not the only one making noise, but he certainly was loud.

There was only one option, he figured. He’d have to go into the ship to look for him, and quickly. It was only a matter of time before others would come up to the top deck, and a selfish part of him wanted to be certain he’d have a space.

As he made his way back down the top deck, he passed an orchestra composed of eight musicians playing comforting, soothing music. He had always been impressed by string instruments, and though he knew he should be off into the ship searching for Dopheld, he could not help but stop and simply listen. Their music was sweet, gentle. What a powerful quality music had, Kylo thought. It was if they were all leaving some fun party, piling into their cars and carriages to take them home, not boarding lifeboats to wait for rescue.

He stood there and listened, let himself soak up the music for a moment or two longer.

“You’re doing a great service,” Kylo bowed his head, knowing they wouldn’t be able to stop their playing and say anything back, “A great service indeed, thank you.”

He tried not to impart any of his own apprehension about the evening in his words, and turned away to go back inside the ship before any of them could see the fear in his eyes.

Kylo passed through the hallways and said his _excuse me_ s and _pardon me_ s like a proper gentleman, searching all of B-Deck for Dohpeld.

Where could that boy have gone, he wondered, why tonight of all nights must he not be in his cabin? Rose had heard the order and had come to you, which likely meant she was in her cabin when the orders had been given. Kylo didn’t even bother checking the staff quarters, knowing Dopheld was likely to be in one of the recreational areas, even though they had officially been closed nearly an hour ago.

That hadn’t stopped you or Lord and Lady Hux, so why would it have stopped anyone else?

“Mr. Dopheld Mitaka!” Kylo boomed, using his full lung capacity to project the name down the corridors. He had to make sure Dopheld could hear him, had to make sure his friend knew Kylo would not be leaving him to fend for himself.

There were people everywhere, all dressed in finery and quite irritated that they’d been roused from their slumber. He scowled at them, didn’t they know the danger they were in? Didn’t they know the severity of it all? But then he sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose. Of course they didn’t, they hadn’t been down there in the boiler rooms when the impact had struck, they hadn’t heard the awful clang of water as it pounded against the ship’s hull.

Kylo didn’t say anything to the passengers complaining and asking for cups of tea, instead he continued to search through all the rooms aboard B-Deck, before going up the stairs and searching A-Deck, where he hoped he’d find his friend.

The Promenade was empty, suffice to say. He was glad for that at least, glad for a moment to breathe without someone shoving into him.

His long legs carried him the length of the ship and back again, checking the Reading Room, the Writing Room, the Lounge. No sight of his valet, not even in the Smoking Room – his mind errantly wandered back to his dear friend Lord Hux. Had Armitage made it to the lifeboats yet? Perhaps his wife had already boarded. Perhaps she had asked the officer to row to wherever you were, so you might keep one another company.

The thought soothed him, even if for just a little while, as he sighed in frustration and began checking the lower levels.

And then, just then, he felt the ship lurch to one side.

“Shit!” The lurch caught him off-guard, and he bit out a curse as he quickly braced himself upon one of the strong marble pillars that provided structural support to the room, and made his way down the stairs.

Down down down he traveled, to the C-Deck where he began to grow slightly more frantic.

Was frantic the right word? He didn’t know. He was frustrated, certainly. Very frustrated, for now people were starting to heed the warning, and more passengers began to pour out of their rooms.

Still, no sign of Dopheld.

He stopped and stood in the middle of a vast sea of people, chewed the inside of his cheek as he had begun to do ever since he kissed you goodbye at the railings. He would have to go lower, that much was certain. But how much lower? He had no idea the layout of that part of the ship, he had no memory for which hallways led to what rooms.

Someone shoulder-checked him, making the decision for him. The sooner he went in, grabbed Dopheld and got back to the boats, the better. He had promised you, and he intended to keep up on his promise.

* * *

“Why are there so many fucking rooms…” Kylo growled to himself as he slammed what had to have been the one-thousandth door shut.

He was on F-deck, the very last deck he had been familiar with on his tour. Anything lower were the storage rooms, the engine rooms, utility closets that he had no use for, no interest in. He cursed himself for not taking an interest – but then again how was he to know? How were any of them to know?

Here were where the swimming pool and Turkish baths had been, and oh how he longed for a moment to simply strip all his heavy tweed and wool away, how he wished to soak in a mineral bath and relax for an instant. He was a sport-playing man, a man who prided himself on his muscular development, so unlike that for gentlemen of his status – but even muscles needed to be cared for, and he had not warmed up before beginning this sprint.

Speaking of sprint, as he was about to return to the staircase from which he descended, an officer ran around a distant corner, was headed straight for him.

“You there!” The officer shouted, “Out of the way!”

It was a narrow hallway, and Kylo was inclined to step aside so the officer may pass, when he saw a gun in one hand and a ring of keys in the other. If he trained his ears around the corner, he could hear a mass of voices, a mass of pleas echoing down the hallway.

_Save us._

_Save us._

_Save us._

Kylo squared his shoulders and did not move out of the officer’s way, the smaller man colliding against his chest and nearly bouncing off in a fashion that in any other circumstances would have been comedic, the way he smacked into the wall and put a hand to his head where he had hit it lightly against a cabin door.

“What are the keys for?” Kylo grabbed the officer by the lapels of his jacket, hoisted the man up to meet eye to eye.

“Sir please there is no time – ” The officer seemed panicked, seemed disgruntled, seemed annoyed with Kylo for impeding his path.

The keys jangled at his side, made so much noise, the clanging wracked around in Kylo’s brain, joining that of the people just beyond the corner, down a hallway, voices loudloudloud.

“Who have you locked away? Don’t you know the ship is sinking?” Kylo shook the officer, tried shaking some sense into him.

“Yes! But it is only the third-class passengers, we must keep them at bay so as to not overwhelm the ship.” The pitiful man replied with a scoff, only infuriating Kylo further.

“Keep them at bay?” He hissed, teeth grit through a clenched jaw, “They shall surely drown! Give me the keys.”

“Sir _please_ there is no time!” The officer’s voice began to raise, higher and higher with fear.

“The keys!” Kylo shouted right in his face in return, having no sympathy for this man who was so willing to let so many die. Spittle flew from his teeth and he knew he must have looked wild, some feral manic thing.

The officer pointed the gun in Kylo’s direction, a grave mistake on his part.

With very little struggle, Kylo managed to knock the gun straight out of the officer’s hand, and gave him a shiny black eye for the effort. The ship lurched and leaned again just then, making Kylo lose his balance and sent him tumbling down.

They wrestled as the ship lurched, rolled about on the floor, gun and keys sliding spiraling all across the tile. The officer crawled quickly on the floor to reach for the gun, but Kylo only snatched it up, grabbed the officer’s ankles. Kylo cocked it and pointed it right at the officer. He had a steady hand, so steady from his time in the military.

“They’ll hang you for this – there’ll be blood on your hands!” The officer panted, wild terror in his eyes.

“No more than what will be on yours.” Kylo didn’t care, not when the beggingpleadingpraying wouldn’t shut up from around the corner, people desperate for their own lives. He saw that the officer held the keys then, and he gestured to them with the barrel of the gun. “I won’t kill you if you give them to me.”

“Fuck – fine! Fine, take them.” The officer tossed the ring in Kylo’s direction, deciding that his life was worth it.

Kylo didn’t, and as soon as he caught the ring he shot the man. Blood sprayed against the wall as the force of the bullet tossed the officer backwards. Part of Kylo considered it a mercy – better to die from a gunshot wound to the chest than to die of breathing in water.

It took a great determination to stand once again, as the ship leaned leaned leaned. Why was it leaning? Surely it wouldn’t capsize, it wasn’t that great of an angle – or was it?

Fuck, was it?

Kylo didn’t know. If there were one thing the officer had gotten right, it was that there was no time. Was it strange that he felt relieved to see someone panicking on the outside as much as he felt on the inside? He didn’t know.

Kylo felt the keys in his hand, and raced down the corridor where a gate had been locked.

He was met with a crowd of people, men women children the elderly. They were pressed against the gate, nearly a hundred people all shoving their way to the front, trying desperately to pull and push at the iron that would not budge.

“Sir! Please sir, we can’t get through.” A woman cried.

“There’s water – water is pouring in from the ceiling.” An old man bemoaned.

“Please help us!” A child sobbed.

“Calm you must stay calm.” Kylo ordered, using his military command voice. He knew it would do little to help them, not the way opening the lock would. His hands did not shake as he tried each key on the ring, kept talking, remembering what he was even doing there. “I’ve got the key, is there a Dopheld Mitaka among you?”

The crowd began to shout out Dopheld’s name, asking asking asking if he was there, if he was anywhere. It was a far different reaction to the first class passengers, who had only scoffed at him in disdain.

“No sir, he isn’t here. I’m so very sorry.” The woman said, pulling a shawl of tattered tartan across her shoulders.

Kylo unlocked the door and a collective cheer swept through them as he pulled the gate open, stepped to the side so they could all rush out. 

“Be safe, I beg of you all be safe.” There had to be more gates, Kylo thought. And he was certain that Dopheld would be behind one of them, he just needed to get to them all in time.

* * *

The ship was a maze, a fucking maze. How could anyone know where anything was? How could anyone get anywhere? He followed the shouts, the pleas, the begging.

Water water water, it rose in a steady stream. Up to his ankles now, soaking through his shoes, his socks. He hated the feeling of wet socks – the thought didn’t matter, nothing mattered, he needed to keep going.

Water leaked from the ceiling, seeped out from underneath passenger doors. Where was he in the ship? How close to the damage had he gotten? Where the fuck was Dopheld? Kylo tried his very best not to panic as he splashed and sloshed his way through corridor after corridor.

He ran exhausted down hallways and lobbies to third-class passengers who had been chained away. One by one he approached them with the ring of keys and each time they let out sobs of gratitude, of relief, their hands shoved through the pattern in the iron gates, shakingbangingclangingbegging --

_The water --_

_Hurry please --_

_Thank you sir --_

_Thank you --_

Each time it was the same sight, the most poor people Kylo had ever seen, clutching one another, clinging to one another. They were all dressed in bedclothes and Kylo didn’t have the heart to tell them that would not keep them warm out there.

But now he was not so sure if even his own suit would keep him warm, and he chose not to flaunt the idea. Perhaps that was all they owned, all they had. Perhaps that _was_ what would keep them warm.

The ship had equalized itself, whatever that leaning had been was now all but naught. He could run freely, as could the third-class passengers he came across. And oh how they ran! They nearly trampled him, nearly pushed him under. A stampede all too similar to that of Africa, and he blinked, eyes shut tightly closed, a memory, another damned memory ill-timed rushing to the surface.

* * *

_Blazing hot insufferably hot why was it so hot? Where am I? Oh that’s right Africa, why did I come to Africa, why are we here, why am I here? I am too young for this, I am too young to die -- but not too young to kill, not too young to fight. Who is chasing me? I do not know their names. What are they screaming? I do not know their language. I have to run I have to run I have to run._

_Where do I run? Where should I go? No I can’t go anywhere, I have to stay and fight, I was sent here to fight to kill to win I have to win. It’s so hot. Fear, I haven’t felt fear like this in so long, not since mama left, not since papa lied, not since uncle tried to kill me -- why did he try to kill me? Why am I killing these men these women? There is fire now, who lit it? Did I light it? Did we start it we are burning their village to the ground, we are winning._

_The earth trembles underneath my feet, we are all running, they’ve surprised us they’re so smart, of course they’re smart this is their land their territory their home. We are burning their home down to the ground. I wish I could burn my home down to the ground. I wish I could kill my parents. But I can’t so instead I will kill these people and hope General Snoke approves, and hope that General Snoke –_

* * *

Water crashed down on top of him.

A child screamed, alone in the corridor, and he did not know whether it was in his head or out there in the real world, out where the Titanic was sinking.

Water so much water, causing sparks in the air from the light fixtures which shattered and blew out their fuses. The child kept screaming, crying, where had her mother gone? She had to be no more than five years old and was all alone, and Kylo knew, Kylo knew how it felt to be all alone.

Kylo ran towards the child down the long corridor, she was just standing there, not moving, frozen in place as her face reddened with hot tears. She looked like you, Kylo thought for a split-second, looked like she could be yours. Had your coloring, your hair, and it pained him, it killed Kylo to think of her so afraid. He was never good at comforting anyone, but the water was rising and --

“I cannae swim!” She criedcriedcried, as the water crashed down from the ceiling, making her scream, terror and fear filling her small body.

“I’ve got you!” Kylo shouted, winced at the volume of his voice.

The water was up to his knees now, and Kylo was tall, taller than most, taller than this child. He scooped the girl up, held her tight as he ran down the hallway. Water was buckling the doors, Kylo had to outrun it, he had to, he had to.

Panicked terror crystallized through every fiber of Kylo’s being, and he felt young and stupid and arrogant in Africa once again, felt the rush of victory through his veins as he approached the corner – when all there was, was a tidal wave of water rushing to meet him.

“Hold on hold on hold on!” Kylo chanted, tried his best to keep talking, to give this child something else to focus on.

He had to go back, back towards the buckling doors, this child screamingcryingpleading in his ear,

_Save us!_

_Save us!_

_Save us!_

Kylo cradled this child to his chest, shoved the girl’s face into his jacket so that she wouldn’t have to see. He didn’t want this child to see, didn’t want her to know how dangerous, how terrifying the ship had become.

Water water water, sparks flying into it, crackling as lights went out. Kylo needed to get them out of there fast, but the wave of water was faster, he could hear it gushing and slapping against the walls, could hear it climbing up to the ceiling. It would consume him, would consume them all.

When it seemed as though hope was lost -- there was a stairwell, just there, just beyond the corner. All he had to do was get to it, all he had to do was reach it.

“We’re so close, just a little longer we’re so close – ” The water slammed into him, pushed him to the side of the hallway. The child screamed, and Kylo soothed her the best he could, never letting go, not once letting go.

He pushed his way through the water as the lights went out one by one, as darkness in the hallway descended. He was so close, so close, he just needed a little further just a few steps further –

“No!” Water slammed against him again, and he let out a strangled shout, a yelp, a curse as he and this child were swept down down down the corridor. Kylo tried his best to keep the girl’s head above water, for Kylo knew how to hold his breath, but he didn’t know if she did.

The water carried them to another stairwell, and this time Kylo managed to get to it, managed to grab a hold of the bannister and he would never tell a living soul he would never admit to it but Kylo wept tears of joy as he climbed it, climbed and climbed the side stairs with this child in his arms. He had practice, had carried sacks of potatoes up the steep cliffs of his uncle’s island, this was no different, he kept telling himself that again and again.

He was freezing cold, so cold. He’d never been this cold, he wondered if the girl had. This poor girl, poor in every sense of the word. He wondered if this girl had felt the chill of winter on her bones, if she’d been caught in freezing winter rain? He didn’t know, but the girl clung to him, little fists white-knuckled in his jacket, numb to the water which splashed her as Kylo ran.

Up up up the stairs he went, finally seeing another living soul.

“The child!” Kylo screamed it was a scream, really, trying to get their attention.

It was two officers, and they noticed him at once, took the little girl away. It broke his heart when she reached for him, her hands outstretched as the officers whisked her away to safety.

“What’s your name?” He shouted, because there hadn’t been time to ask, hadn’t been time to find out in all the panic.

“Ruth!” The girl screamed back, her voice broken up by hiccups and sobs.

“Be good Ruth!” Kylo braced himself against the wall, his lungs burning, legs aching, knees beginning to give in as he kept talking, kept shouting, “Be good and stay safe, they’ll get you to a lifeboat.”

He did not know if that was the truth, he didn’t know. But he could hope, and he decided if he ever got out of this fucking ship, if he ever made it out of there, he’d inquire about her safety, see if there was anything he could do for her family – if she had any family left at all.

* * *

He kept climbing the stairs, up and up and up the inside of the ship, the service stairwell no doubt. The water chased him and so he climbed until he began to recognize where he was. There was a thrill in finally fucking knowing where he was, Kylo thought. B-Deck, he’d recognize that grand staircase anywhere.

Which only meant if he could find Dopheld here, he’d be able to get them back up to the lifeboats in only two short floors. He could do it, he could find him. Dopheld hadn’t been anywhere else on the damn ship, so that meant he must be here.

The lights were on, power still operating up there on B-Deck. If Kylo had any thoughts left to spare, he sent them towards those in the engine rooms, the boiler rooms, working and pumping coal into machines to keep the lights on. He did not know how long he would have been able to hold onto hope, if the lights were not on.

There were people up here, somehow. Why had they not gone up to the lifeboats? Surely they knew by now that the boat was sinking, that was evident in the water which was waist-high. Men and women and children all screaming, begging for life jackets, begging for their lives.

Kylo wanted to shout to them that the lifeboats would take them, but he found he was too exhausted to even open his mouth any longer.

Water then – how was there more water? It felt as though the entire ocean was already in the boat – crashed through the wall, caused the deck to buckle caused his body to be flung across the lobby caused his head to smack against something hard something cold and then hot hot hot, was that his blood he felt trickling down from his temple?

The stairs, he had to get to the stairs, had to get to the grand staircase.

The ceiling exploded, water coming in hard sheets down atop all their heads, some great Falls that rivaled that of Niagara, and he tried his hardest pushed his muscles to the limit even under the pressure of the sinking ship the pressure of his own heavy limbs swimming swimming swimming until he hit his head once more and could swim no longer.

* * *

There was calm, under the water.

He couldn’t feel anything, the cold chilling him through.

He felt himself floating, felt himself rising with the water. He could only hope it would raise him up to air. He wondered if there were even any air left, anywhere aboard this ship.

Everything was green, an eerie teal that seemed to glow. It was the lights, Kylo knew, the lights as they continued to shine underwater. This sort of teal reminded him of the ponds he used to play in as a child.

Was this what they meant when they said your life flashed before your eyes? Was it this? The images of childhood joy, skipping stones and jumping off The Falcon into crystal clear waters, diving down below the surface where sea lion swam in a forest of kelp, the teal glow of the sun filtering through all the leaves?

Or was it this, the images of an adolescence turned dark, a stain upon the family. The fear he felt, for everyone else around him felt it too. Fear which gave way to anger, the fierce anger which had harbored in his chest for so long, the anger which had blossomed into a hatred so profound.

Anger which had caused him to do so many things. He thought, even know, even here, that if he had to go back, he’d do it all over again. Killing his uncle, killing his father, killing General Snoke. He’d do it all over again.

What was the old adage – hatred led to suffering.

And oh how he had suffered.

A lifetime of loneliness, a lifetime of neglect.

It had always lived with him, there in his very bones, that neglect. How the children hushed their voices and ran away when he asked to play, how the adults turned their back on him. For so long it had been him against the world, even as he proved himself over and over again that he was better than all of them combined, better of a swordsman, a businessman, a Gentleman. He proved it and nothing mattered, for he had always been alone.

But had he?

He had known about you for years, so many years, because of course he had. His parents had told him from a very young age, had let him know. He kept tabs on you, tried to work out what kind of person you were, had people check in with him of your well-being, your happiness. But it wasn’t until so recently that he had met you. And once he had, _oh_ how he had fallen in love with you.

You with your compassion and your kindness and your stubbornness. You with you soft smile and bright eyes, your understanding. No one ever understood him the way you had no one ever even gave him the chance. Where they looked at him like a monster, you embraced him, all of him, for exactly what he was. You laid your head down upon his shoulder and kissed him and teased him. He had never had someone to tease him before. He loved you, had loved you for so long, so many years.

He wondered then, as a bubble of air choked itself out of his lungs and floated to the surface as did he, floated towards the teal glow of light, if he ever told you.

Fear, anger, hate, suffering. Yes it was all true, the ache in his chest as he struggled for breath reminded him. It was all true.

Except…no it wasn't, not really.

For there had been you.

And he would have gladly suffered a lifetime again, would gladly have gone through the pain a thousand times over, if it meant getting to spend time with you.

He wondered then, if you would be proud of him. Helping the third class passengers, saving the girl, looking for Dopheld. He hoped you were thinking of him, out there on the lifeboat. He hoped you were warm. He hoped you were safe.

That must have been it, he thought to himself, must have been all the time he had. He had risen up the grand staircase and was floating in the great ether of the sea, that teal glow shimmering and sparkling around something heading towards him.

It was you, he realized, and he smiled there under the water, for of course the angel of death would have been so kind to give itself your face, let him see you once last time.

Your hands reached out to him and he let his eyes close, the image of your hair floating all around your body like some ethereal being the last thing he saw before the last sigh of breath puffs out of his lungs.

_I am saved._

_I am saved._

_I am saved._


	8. Sunrise

There was nothing around you, in that moment.

No ship, no passengers, no frozen water. Just him, just your husband, just Kylo. Your heart thumped wildly inside your ribcage, squeezed to a near stop at the very sight of him, for it was still astounding to you that you had found him in that maze of a ship.

You had found him against all odds, and there he was, lying on the boat deck. The lights were out, but the emergency power was still on. Someone ran past you, but you did not see who it was. They threw something on you, something heavy and cold, but you did not care to look. There was so much noise – was that music? – but you could not listen. Not with him right here, so cold and so pale.

It was by the weak light of the emergency system that your hand crashed down upon Kylo’s cheek, hoping beyond hope that the shock of it would wake him from where he was lying too still.

“Breathe, god dammit Kylo.” You demanded, teeth bared in a feral sort of anger, tears freezing on your eyelashes as you slapped his face again and again, desperation and terror clutching your soul. “You are _not_ dying on me, not now – breathe!”

You cast a murderous gaze up to the inky blackness above you, as if threatening the very heavens themselves. For if they claimed him on this night, after everything you’d been through to get him, you’d bring hell to their front door.

Your defiance would shake the stars.

You felt warm then, as if your blood boiling was the only thing keeping you together. The Titanic creaked and groaned, a horrifying sound of steel being crushed and pressed, bending and twisting in on itself deep in the bowels of the ship. You cried, oh how you wept, hot angry tears onto Kylo’s face. You were so close, you had been so close.

The ship groaned, and your hand gave one final attempt at rousing him before you resulted to the rudimentary CPR you had once only read about.

Rose knew more than you, and she assumed the position without speaking, began pumping compression onto his chest as the ship tipped tipped tipped. You filled your lungs and pinched his nose, forced air down into his lungs, tried not to think of it as a kiss, tried desperately not to think of this as the last time you might ever feel the press of his lips against yours.

“Wake up!” You sobbed against his cheek when you had to gulp down more air, Rose not letting up with the timed compression. “Wake up Kylo! Don’t you dare die on me!”

With trembling hands you swallowed down air and forced it through him once more, twice more, three times more – when his entire body convulsed and shuddered. He rolled himself onto his side, and then onto his hands and knees as he hacked up seawater and coughed the worst cough you’d ever heard in your entire life.

You simply could do nothing but throw your arms around his waist, sob into his back.

“Lord Ren oh thank the stars – oh thank you, thank you!” Rose hugged him too, and for one short moment, everything felt like it was going to be okay.

You heard the ragged wheeze of his breath, and that alone was enough to make your eyes pinch shut, the anger dissolving. He let himself collapse back down onto the deck, and the three of you did your best to not get trampled as hundreds of people rushed from the bow.

“Is this Heaven?” Kylo reached out, cupped a hand to your cheek. It was frozen solid, completely chilled and blue in the nails. You placed your own hand on top of it, let your tears thaw him if even for a moment.

“No, not yet. Not yet Kylo, come quickly, come we must move.” You said, shuffling back enough to stand.

The thing someone had thrown on you was a life-jacket, and you quickly buckled yourself into it, glad to see someone had tossed Rose one as well. There didn’t seem to be one for Kylo, but that was alright you thought, that was alright. Between the three of you, you’d all float.

“You’re not on the lifeboat.” Kylo coughed coughed coughed, spit onto the deck and wiped his mouth. He was glad to see there was no blood, his shoulders sagged with relief. “Why are you not on the lifeboat?”

“I couldn’t leave you.” Your chin wobbled as the ship creakedgroanedsnappedcrashed around you as it listed further and further to the side, a rumble so deep that it almost sounded like a great whale’s song. You wondered briefly, if the whales would inspect the wreckage, if they’d marvel at the hubris of mankind. “I won’t leave you, Kylo, I won’t, but we have to move. The ship, she’s going under and quickly.”

You did not know how he found the strength, but Kylo stood up on his strong legs, took in lungfuls of air, and cast a glance to how the water had risen up to the railings. Just earlier that day – or was it yesterday? You did not know what time it was – you and Kylo had stood against these very railings.

Just earlier you had envisioned a life together, a grand one filled with luxury.

Now, you’d be lucky to have any life at all, you’d take anything you could get.

“Then we must climb to the very edge, for that is the only possible way to survive this.” Kylo said, determined and stubborn, always with a plan. “We cannot let the ship crush us.”

He tried taking a step, but the ship lurched to the side again once more.

The music stopped, violinists in the distance overcome with water as it rushed up the bow.

“Come, Rose is here, Rose please help.” You asked, as the chaos from the crowd began.

Everyone began running as quickly as they could tried to outrun the water. You, Kylo and Rose joined them, joined in the mass of bodies all crammed together like sardines. There was a collapsible boat of sorts that had been overturned, that a group of men were trying to flip even as the water pushed them away, dragged them down into the ocean to join the rest of the unlucky ones.

“We will have to fight our way through, there are too many people.” Rose shouted, for you had to shout now if you wanted to be heard, all the screams of those outrunning the water.

You were growing so tired of being chased like this, but the terror of the reality hit you that soon there would be nowhere left to run.

“We will fight then, we’ve come this far, we _must_ make it to the edge.” You said back, prepared to do anything at that point, prepared to do anything if it meant saving yourselves. 

“Take my hand –” Kylo said then, shaking his drenched hair out of his face and offering you an open palm. You grasped it as tightly as your own frozen fingers could, and as if the two of you shared some mental bond, you reached back to your friend at the same time as Kylo commanded, “Rose you hold onto her hand and neither of you under any circumstances ever let go, do you understand me?”

“Yes sir, I won’t.” Rose said, her hand fitting in yours and closing tightly.

“There’s no need for sir here.” Kylo shook his head and did his best to offer a smile to her, before hardening his expression and asking you both, “Ready?”

“Go!” You encouraged, and off you went.

As Kylo parted a path in the crowd by his sheer size and muscle alone, you were reminded of Lord Hux’s great war machines that he had designed. A body built of impenetrable steel, bulletproof, unrelenting. But instead of bullets, people bounced away from him, shoved to the sides, scrambling in his wake. Instead of rolling wheels, his heavy feet dug into the wooden floor-planks as he hauled you and Rose across the deck.

A feat which was providing most difficult, as the ship began to plunge further into the depths. The bow was all but gone now, screams danced atop the water like waves, waves which rushed pushed pulled people all around.

Somehow, you did not know you, but somehow you made it to the edge, to the very foremost end of the ship. It was time to climb, you realized, and Kylo did so with ease. The ship was on such an angle that the railings which had once been vertical now laid parallel to the water, and became the only thing flat enough to support oneself.

You all were not the only one with this idea, but there was space enough for the three of you as Kylo climbed over the railing, never once letting go of your hand. 

“Here! I’m right here, I’m right here we’re together.” Kylo assured you, short of breath but there, pale in the face but there.

You laid on your stomachs on the railing, arms and legs wound around it for better hold. From this angle you were looking straight across into the ocean, straight down into the belly of the ship. People were falling sliding tumbling down, screaming as their backs cracked and water rushed into their lungs.

“The ship can’t take much more of this, the bow is too heavy, there’s too much water.” You panicked, you were panicking, because of course you were, of course. What would happen when the ship fully went under? What would you hold onto then?

Just then, a loud snapping sound filled the air. It was unlike the moaning of metal you had all but filtered into the background.

No, this was sharp, fast snaps in the air.

“My god what is that, gunshots?” Rose asked, as metal mixed with screams and whips cracked loud in the night. But it was a familiar sound, and after only one more crack did you place it with horror.

“It sounds like the cables, remember? From the very first day?” Your mind went back to Southampton, how the ships of the berth had broken free, how the cables had given way to the Titanic’s sisters in the harbor. “Fuck the cables are snapping!! Look – look over there!”

Just then, one of the four great funnels fell over. It _whooshed_ on its downfall, cutting through the air before slamming down onto the water, slamming down onto people swimming for their lives. You screamed out in sympathy for them, screamed out in terror as you knew they would be crushed, pinned underneath the funnel.

And then, the second funnel went up in a great spark, a plume of smoke. It too toppled.

You suddenly felt as though you knew the answer to that old riddle – if a funnel fell in the ocean and no one was around to hear it, it still made a sound.

You wondered if anyone could hear your screams, wondered if you’d be attracting sharks or monsters of the deep from all the commotion. A hysterical laugh bubbled out of you – for that would surely be something, wouldn’t it? Sharks were the last thing anyone needed.

But then you remembered, sharks were cold blooded, and water this cold would surely kill them too.

You remembered this while watching those around you give up their place willingly, letting go of the railing to plummet into the water.

“Don’t jump,” You began to shout, tried telling anyone who would listen as the ship groaned and creaked, as the lights of the emergency power began to flicker. You would be in total darkness soon, nothing but the stars which mocked you, which watched with curious twinkling eyes. “Don’t jump, the water will freeze you to death.”

“It’s useless they can’t hear you.” Rose tried, shook her head and squeezed your hand.

“Don’t jump please! Please you are safer here!” You continued anyway, tears stinging your eyes as more and more passengers followed suit, as more and more released their hold on the railing.

“Safe?” A man only a few yards away from you laughed darkly, choked around a sob, “How can any of us be safe? We’re all dead men, every last one of us.”

“Sir please, you must have hope, we must all have hope.” Rose cried, and oh how she was strong, how she was so brave and good and strong, to even in these bleakest hours still hold hope.

“Hope? The ship is sinking dearie, there isn’t any hope left at all – ” And that was all the man had to say, before someone above him let go of the railing for some unknown reason, and her body came knocking into him, bringing them both under the water with a splash.

You huddled closer to your husband, pulled Rose closer to you as you noticed that splash was close enough for water to spot onto your cheeks.

“Kylo – Kylo we’re moving faster, the water is coming up faster oh god what do we do what can we do?” Your voice grew high, your breathing came in fast pants, shallow breaths which made you dizzy as you screamed and screamed, the ship lurching crashing breaking – it was breaking beneath you.

“Hold onto something, everyone hold on to anything you can! The funnels will crush you if you’re in the water.” Kylo barked out at the passengers. There was that commanding voice again, you thought as your husband’s military time came rushing up to the surface.

“Do you think anyone sees the ship? Do you think anyone is coming for us? Kylo what if no one comes for us?” You frantically looked around as the stern went higher higher higher, the propellers now lifted fully out into the air.

The lights flickered, and you could not see anything on the horizon, nothing at all.

The ship groaned, the stern rose, water water water, so much water. The funnels were giving way, flares exploded in the sky like great fireworks.

And then the emergency power began to shut off.

“They’re coming, they have to be. Someone has to be.” Kylo said, his own voice betraying him, for he was unsure, you all were.

“There’s not much of the ship left!” You shouted, and oh what an awful sound! What a bone-chilling noise, the ship going under. There was that deep rumble, the cables snapping, the screams the awful screams – were you screaming? You had to be screaming.

And then the emergency power went off entirely, and with it, so did any last restraints the ship had against crumbling completely.

You were plunged into darkness, complete and total, as the stern was now nearly ninety degrees in the air, the bow filled to the limit.

“Kylo!!” You clung to him, as Rose clung to you, as you all clung to the vestiges of life that you could.

“Hold on!” Was all Kylo warned, and the three of you braced yourselves for the unthinkable.

It was silent, for a moment. Or maybe it wasn’t, you didn’t know. You couldn’t tell. Terror washed through you as the ship collapsed in on itself entirely, and there was nothing.

No noise, no screams, no music, no groaning of the Titanic.

There was not a Titanic, not any longer, not with the way it split into two pieces, snapped right in half.

You held on as tightly as you could as the ship tossed and flung you around, the last two funnels sinking down into the depths of the ocean.

“I can’t – I can’t, (Y/N) my hands, I can’t feel my hands.” Rose sobbed, her hold on you slipping as the ship rolled over to one side, began to sinksinksink rapidly, went under you were going under.

“Rose no please,” You begged, tightened your grip, refused to let her go. “Please Rose we’re right here, you have to stay with us.”

“I’m not strong enough, I can’t – I can’t -- !” Her hands slipped out of yours and she fell, screaming until her body smacked against the water.

“Rose!” You reached your arm through the railings at her, your entire body paralyzed with fear.

The ship was moving too quickly, was moving so fast, the water was rising and you began to scream and cry uncontrollably because what else could you do?

“She’ll be alright, (Y/N) I need you to listen to me, she will be alright.” Kylo rambled, talked and talked and talked because the water was coming and you knew he did not want to drown a second time, you didn’t want to drown oh _fuck_ you were going to drown, but Kylo held your hand, and Kylo kept talking, “I have a feeling, I know she’ll survive and she will find us when she does but for now I need you to take a deep breath when I tell you, okay?”

“Kylo I’m so scared.” You sobbed and hiccuped frozen breaths, your lungs surely crystallized with ice, your face numb.

“I know, me too.” Kylo admitted, and you looked at him, took one long last look at him as he kissed you briefly, “We are going under and the ship is going to drag us down so you are going to have to swim, alright? Hold your breath and swim to the surface.”

“Not without you.” You shook your head, tightened your grip on him.

“I’m not letting go of your hand ever again. You’ll have to chop me off.” Kylo held your joined hands up and your chin wobbled as the water came higher only a few yards away – no a few feet away.

“Okay.” You nodded, trusting him implicitly, trusting him with your life as you cried, “Okay – _fuck_ Kylo – okay on the count of three?”

“One,” Kylo said,

“Two,” You looked down into the ocean,

“…Three!”

You expanded your ribs and took in as much air as you could, and braced yourself for the slam of water as it rushed over your heads, as it dragged you down, as it pulled you and the Titanic under the water completely.

* * *

You resisted the urge to scream, somehow. Tossed around upside down which way was up which way was air where were you it was so dark so cold you were so cold.

You and Kylo let go of the railing immediately, but not each other. You weren’t sure if you had the ability to uncurl your hand from around his even if you wanted to – not that you ever did, not that you’d ever let him go again. It was almost surreal being under the water. There were no lights except for a million miles below you, where explosions bloomed from the ship hitting the ocean’s floor.

In this freezing weightless darkness, you wondered if this was what it was like to be up there among the stars. Your body was knocked around and around by waves and people alike, Kylo’s hand yanking you around with him as he too was caught up in the suction.

You could not see the surface, it was too dark. How much further would you have to swim? Were you swimming? You could not feel your body, had no idea if you were kicking your legs, moving your arms.

Your lungs burned burned burned, and you began to panic because which way was up? What if you were swimming deeper, what if you were making it impossible?

Kylo, always Kylo, oh your darling Kylo, pushed your stomach up up up. The life-jacket, you remembered, you were wearing the life-jacket! The air inside it sought the surface! All you had to do was swim in its direction.

Your lungs burned and your throat closed up and the saltwater stung your eyes and froze them over until – until! Your head crashed through the surface and you screamed out a gasp, filled your lungs with air sweet air and not water.

Kylo followed a second after you, pushing the hair out of your face, gasping and laughing laughing laughing. How you wished you could have seen his face, wished you could have looked at those dimples which graced his sweet smile, but it was too dark, and so all you could do was press your forehead against his and laugh with him.

“Holy shit, holy shit we’re not dead!” The utter joy of that statement – of having life in your bodies enough to say it filled you with hope, and you though of Rose, wondered where she might be floating, for she had a life-jacket too. 

“You’re brilliant! Absolutely brilliant, my gorgeous girl.” Kylo laughed as he cupped your cheeks in his hands and kissed you kissed you a thousand times, lips trembling from the cold against your own as your legs kicked keeping you above the surface. “Come, we have to find something to get out of this water.”

“I can’t see anything, it’s so dark, what is there to float on?” You swam with him, blindly in the night.

It was just then that you realized how everything you and Kylo brushed up against, was not a something at all, but rather a someone. People, so many people filled the ocean. With the ship gone, bodies rose to the surface just as you and Kylo had. Some were dead, their weight lolling facedown in the water – but some were not.

You felt a pair of arms wrap around you, push you down so that they might use you as a floatation device for themselves. You choked and sputtered, tried your best to get them away, to get yourself away.

“Hey!” You shouted, your head dunked under the water, gasping when you shoved yourself to the surface, “Get off of me – get the fuck off!”

“Don’t touch her.” Kylo did something to him then, you didn’t know what it was, you couldn’t see. But he did something and you were freed, the arms gone, hands desperately seeking elsewhere.

“I can’t swim!” The man gargled water, but Kylo only yanked you closer to him, fiercely protective of you.

“That’s why you have a life jacket don’t you fucking touch her.” Kylo hissed, and you could only imagine the way the veins in his neck protruded with the effort.

“Kylo please, it’s not worth it, please we have to find something.” You pulled him away from starting an all-out brawl in the ocean. Now was not the time or the place, you didn’t know how much longer you’d be able to stay in water this cold.

* * *

Swimming was not easy while holding hands, but neither of you could bring yourselves to let go, and so you struggled together as your limbs cut through the water. There were too many bodies, too many people clogging the sea, too many thrashing around and screaming and crying, praying to gods with deaf ears, begging for those who would not come.

It felt like days weeks months years that you swam, your limbs so heavy, legs made of lead, arms made of steel, the same which pulled the Titanic down however long ago. But eventually, eventually you brushed up against something that was hard and made of wood, for it floated in the gentle wake of the disaster, and Kylo let out a strangled sound of joy when he slapped a hand atop it to measure its size. 

“Here, look see? See I knew it, I knew it.” He said wetly, throat thick with emotion as he pulled you to the edge of it, “You first, please.”

You grasped across the other edge, and with tremendous effort from your exhausted muscles and the help of your husband’s strong hands on your back, you pulled yourself up onto a long strip of what had to have been paneling. You assumed it was from the explosions which had gone off below you, assumed it was lining of the ship underneath the hull plating, but you had no idea, not really.

It was pitch black still, what time was it? How long had you been in the water? You panicked then, reaching reaching reaching for Kylo.

“I’m up, come there’s room for you too.” You patted the wet wood to illustrate your point.

“No there isn’t, my weight will displace it, the panel will flip.” Kylo was doubtful and you wanted to scream – now was _not_ the time, not the fucking time to be doubtful, not after you’d survived so much.

“Bullshit! Try again, we must try again.” You ordered, and you were sure you’d cry if you had any tears left.

“(Y/N) – ” Kylo started but you were having none of it.

“Try again!” You shouted, voice carrying across the sea as you took matters into your own hands and began yanking him up. “I am not letting you freeze to death in these waters. Try again Kylo, I’m begging you.”

“Wait, I have an idea, do you trust me?” Kylo struggled against your efforts and your face pinched up, exhaustion and blind terror and freezing cold water in the dead of night all creeping into you at once.

“Always Kylo, always.” You said, nodded though he could not see it.

“Give me your life jacket, I’m going to strap it underneath the panel of wood, the buoyancy will help us.” He panted, and you worried, you feared for him.

“Here, here take it, take and hurry, please.” Your hands shook terribly as you undid all the buckles, all the straps. He could not stay in this water any longer, he would die, the hypothermia would kill him and then you – you didn’t even know what you would do.

A weight lifted off your shoulders, both physically and metaphorically as you handed Kylo the vest. You waited with bated breath as he shoved the lifejacket underneath, pulling it across the width of the panel and offering you one of the longest buckles.

“Alright if you hold this strap, and I hold the other, this should keep us afloat.” Kylo said, and you grasped around for it, held it and shuffled over to one edge of the panel to give him room.

He hoisted himself up with impossible strength, and collapsed down onto the panel. It rocked and it tipped but it did not turn over, it did not flip. The life jacket had helped and what a miracle that was! What a fucking miracle.

“See? Do you see? You fit, there’s room for you, you fit.” You beamed, thrilled, laughing, exhausted. “You’re here, and I am here and we are alive, and you fit.”

You reached for him, wondered where his face was. It seemed as though you were lying in opposite directions on the panel, his feet were by your head, and your feet by his. Your hands sought one another immediately, your right clinging to his left.

“You’re right, you’re always right. I should not have doubted you, forgive me.” Kylo laughed too, gave your hand a squeeze.

“Kylo I would forgive you for anything in this moment, but you have nothing to apologize for.” You said sincerely, the joy of his ingenuity dying down from the reality of the situation.

“That’s not true, not when I brought you here, brought you to this nightmare.” He shook his head, turned his face to rest his cheek against your ankle. “If it weren’t for me, you’d be in a comfortable bed somewhere after enjoying a hot cup of tea and perhaps a biscuit or two.”

You sighed then, let out some of the tension you were harboring in your shoulders. It felt good, to relax for a moment. Not that you could really relax, not really. But you were out of the water, and that was something to celebrate.

“When we are out of this mess, I will order the softest bedding and the most expensive tea and we will enjoy it together.” You said, swallowing around a hard lump in your throat, “And we will stay up to watch the sunrise over the countryside, and I will kiss you and all will be well.”

Kylo was quiet then for a moment, a terrifying moment where you feared the worst. But he was still with you, you knew because his hand shook against yours, he trembled and you realized he must be crying quietly. He sniffed and gasped out a sob, and the sound broke your heart.

“I love you, so dearly. Ardently, I adore you.” He said, squeezing your hand, gasping and shaking around the admission. “You must know this, but I’m not sure, I may have not said aloud yet.”

“Don’t do that, don’t say your goodbyes to me, not yet.” Your voice cracked on its own, the hot sting of unshed tears from no water left brimming around your eyelids. How could that be possible, you wondered, there be no water left when you were surrounded by it? “Don’t tell me you love me until we are rescued, do you hear me?”

“I hear you blossom.” Kylo said, laughed at your stubbornness, squeezed your hand and nodded against your ankle, “I hear you.”

* * *

Much time passed.

The screams around you had begun to silence themselves, the shoutscriespleasbegs fading into nothingness. Had you drifted away from the wreckage? Had the current taken you a thousand miles away to shore? You hoped so, hoped that you’d open your eyes and there would be land.

But you knew that could not be, not with New York another three days away at top speed. But the alternative was too chilling to even entertain the thought of. Still, there were people alive out there. You could hear them, though they were far away. Could hear the splashing, the calling for help. Someone blew a whistle. There was not much left to do but wait.

You did not know how much longer you could wait, how much longer this could go on.

Kylo’s breathing had evened out and you wondered if he had fallen asleep. His hand twitched against your own occasionally, and your hand twitched in his, silent reminders that you were both there, you were together.

You thought to yourself, if this was how you went, at least you went together.

“Talk to me blossom.” Kylo said then, awake and alive and needing to prove you were the same.

“It is so d-dark Kylo, and I am so cold.” You shivered, for it was the truth, and you could not lie to your husband, not now, not ever. He valued honesty, and so you told him the truth, “I cannot feel my feet.”

“Wiggle your toes for me, I know you can. Just wiggle them the smallest bit for me.” His voice was soft, and you sighed, because you knew it would be a fruitless endeavor. Still, he nudged your foot with his face, bumped it with his nose to get you to retaliate. You did, nudging your foot against his cheek then, a very small smile tugging at your lips. He kissed your ankle, “Thank you. Thank you, you’re going to be alright, see?”

“Now you, your turn.” You whispered, teeth chattering in the cold the freezing cold. He tried and after great effort, did you feel his foot nudge your cheek too. “Not so easy, hm?”

You lifted yourself up the smallest bit, careful not to disturb the wood paneling which had been doing such a good job of keeping you afloat, and lowered your torso across his legs, trying to warm him, trying to give him any bit of help that you could.

“Must everything be a – ” He shuddered, the cold aching his bones, “—a competition?”

“Only w-w-when I’m winning.” You replied, and he huffed out a little laugh.

Or was it a sigh? You didn’t know.

You were just thankful for it at all.

“It’s starting to grow quiet, can you tell?” You didn’t know if your eyes were open or closed, it was so dark. Even the stars seemed too far away now, they seemed to have lost their shine. “The cries are stopping.”

Kylo’s thumb rubbed soothing circles across the back of your palm.

“It has been a long time, but the lifeboats are doing what they can. They’ll come to us.” He said, believed his own words so much that you almost, almost believed them too.

“What if they don’t?” You asked, because the thought had been plaguing you for some time.

“(Y/N).” Kylo said, a warning.

“I know, but.” You sighed, shivered and froze froze froze in the cold air, your body wet and freezing. Your clothes were stuck together, stiffened from ice. “Kylo…what if they don’t? What shall we do? I cannot fish.”

That got an unexpected laugh out of him, and you were grateful for it. You would have smiled, but you could not feel your face.

“I will teach you when we’re home.” Kylo said, his voice strained as his breath came in puffs. “I’ll teach you how to fish and hunt. I’ll teach you anything I know that you wish to learn.”

“C-can you play any instruments?” You asked, just to keep talking to keep you both talking.

“Yes.” Kylo’s hand shook in yours, his fingers tapped notes onto your palm. “I can play piano and violin and you can sing and we’ll entertain guests and you’ll dazzle them with your charm and I will love you so much.”

“I cannot imagine being without you, my Kylo, my dear Kylo.” Your tears returned, speaking no louder than a whisper because after all the screaming, all the shouting, all you wanted to do was whisper. “I didn’t even hesitate to jump off that lifeboat, you know? I could not bear the thought of being without you.”

“Really?” Kylo asked, and you nodded.

“When I saw Dopheld up on the top deck and you were not with him…something came over me and a fierce protectiveness clawed its way through my very soul. I don’t want to live in a world where you are not there to stand beside me.” You realized then that he did not know Dopheld was alive, that he had gotten on one of the lifeboats.

He reached down down down, bent his body and contorted it in a way that he could press his hand to your cheek instead of tapping the notes out on your palm. He cupped your cheek and warmed your frozen face with blue fingers.

“I have seen god and she wears your face,” He whispered, a secret just for you and the ocean, “That is how much you mean to me.”

“I wish I could kiss you, but I –” You tried to reach for him to, but to your panic your arms would not respond. They were too heavy, they would not lift, and you leaned into his hand, eyes pinched tight, “Kylo I c-c-cannot move.”

“You don’t have to, not right now.” He replied, carding his fingers through your hair, “Just stay alive, stay with me, keep breathing, wiggle your fingers, your toes.”

“I’m so cold.” You wanted to whine, wanted to complain, but the words came out devoid of any emotion, simply a fact stated. You were struggling to put together real sentences, the cold sapping away all ability for anything other than breathing.

“They’re coming for us, I swear to you (Y/N).” Kylo mumbled, his words slurring together with great difficulty too. “You know, when all of this is over and we are in our nice soft bedding with our hot tea, I’m going to call my lawyers and we are going to sue the White Star Line blind. How does that sound?”

“M-m-m-marvelous.” You laughed together, trying desperately to stay together, to stay sane. Had that already flown out the window?

“(Y/N) darling I need you to talk to me, okay?” Kylo continued to card through your hair, the chunks of ice melting underneath his touch. “I cannot see you, it is too dark, you must keep talking to me so I know you’re alright.”

“W-what shall I say?” You whispered, voice raspy, throat shredded up from the crying, the screams, the cold.

“Anything, anything at all, please.” He said, nudging your foot, “Wiggle your toes for me.”

“Are – ” You struggled for a long while to get the words out around your chattering teeth. Your tongue filled your mouth but was so heavy it would not cooperate, you felt like you were made of an anchor, wondered how you managed to stay afloat. “Are we going to have to board a cruise ship back home?”

“No, I’ll charter a private plane for us.” Kylo said straight away, “We won’t ever go on a boat again, after we are rescued.”

It was a promise, and Kylo, oh your Kylo. He never broke a promise.

But then, then you remembered the estate. Remembered how beautiful it was with its yellow brick and sprawling gardens. You remembered flowers, memories of peonies, irises, lavender, delphiniums, edgings of bergenia, and foxgloves filled your vision. You remembered the sun shining and sparkling on water.

“Perhaps,” You were delusional, you had to have been, “Perhaps we may get a small boat, one for the lake.”

“The lake?” Kylo asked, confused as he hugged himself around your legs in the same manner you did his.

“P-p-pond, the pond at home.” You corrected, did your best to explain, did your best to keep talking. “When I saw it, I thought oh how nice it would b-b-b-be, to have a rowboat.”

“Tell me about the pond, (Y/N).” Kylo sighed against you, and you swallowed, swallowed again, tried to get the words to come.

“There were swans, and a willow tree. The branches cascaded down into the water, leaves rippling the surface. Oh I’m so cold, Kylo.” You whispered, eyes closing slowly.

“I know, I know but you will be warm soon.” Kylo combed your hair away and cupped your cheek, pinched and prodded at your flesh so blood could rush there, could keep you alive. “There will be blankets and hot beverages and I will kiss you until the blood returns to your cheeks. I will wash away the frost from your eyelashes with my very hands, but you must tell me more about the pond first.”

Before you could though, something knocked against the side of the panel. It was small and light, rocking atop the water.

“What is that, that noise?” You were curious but terrified at the same time.

“I don’t know, I cannot see. Can you reach it?” Kylo replied, his body mostly on the other end of the panel, leaving it up to you to lean over and fish around for the small object.

“It’s a whistle, it’s come up onto the paneling.” You noted, raising it to your lips with numb fingers. You could not muster your lungs to blow and handed it to Kylo with a sigh, “I-I’m afraid I haven’t the breath.”

“Don’t worry, don’t worry I’m right here.” He raised the whistle to his lips and blew, took in a deep breath and blew out a long steady tone that carried itself across the water, out to lifeboats far far far in the distance. And then, then he struggled to prop himself up just enough to point, “Look – (Y/N) look, do you see it?”

You could see nothing, nothing at all, until – until!

“Are those…?” You gasped, pushed yourself up enough too, disbelief and shock and the thrill of adrenaline and excitement giving you this much, giving you that much energy to prop yourself up just a few inches off the panel.

“Lights, in the distance. We are saved -- oh blossom, we are _saved_.” Kylo thudded back down onto the wood, blew and blew and blew the whistle.

“Tell me now, tell me how much you love me now.” You demanded.

“You’re so…” He blew into the whistle, took all the strength he had and blew into that damned whistle, signaling the ship, your savior, your rescuer, “Bossy.”

“I am bossy, and you love me.” You coughed and wheezed, your teeth chattering bones rattling. It was so cold, but you were saved, the ship was coming, it was only a little while longer now.

“I do,” Kylo agreed, his stomach rising and falling rapidly, trying to blow the whistle harder, make the sound louder. “I love you more than anything in this whole world. Do you know, my entire life I dreamt of someone like you? In my darkest hours all I asked for, was someone to love me for me.”

“I – I daresay there are no darker hours than these,” Your body trembled, shock taking over you. “And you have me. I love you Kylo, and I am more grateful for you than for the air in my lungs.”

“There was a little girl, her name is Ruth.” He said apropos of nothing, his voice soft. “You should have seen her. She had her eyes.”

“She can come back with us, if she’s got no one left.” You let your eyes close, for there was little to worry about now. “She can come with us and Rose and Dopheld, when we find them. We will all pile into a plane and fly home.”

* * *

The next time you opened your eyes, it was not to darkness.

“The sky is pink.” You whispered, for you had no more strength than that, nothing left in you than that.

Kylo had blown the whistle for what seemed like an eternity, and the sounds of a ship had grown louder and louder. You could hear sailors now, could hear the slap of oars of lifeboats heading towards you. You could hear them shouting, calling, begging for survivors to make themselves known, and Kylo had blown his whistle, and they had heard.

You opened your eyes to a pink sky, the night finally over.

Dawn, a sunrise, a new day.

“That it is.” Kylo agreed, and you struggled to open your eyes, struggled to do anything at all as he continued, “The sun has risen, and we have made it. We just have to wait a little longer. We have waited this long, we can wait a little longer.”

You took in the sights around you, and nausea washed over your brain.

“Kylo…Kylo there are so many people.” You watched as their bodies bobbed like buoys, held afloat only by the lifejackets which in the end, did nothing to save them. A sea of white jackets, a sea of bodies carefully being nudged aside, pushed and pulled by the gentle wake of water, water which claimed them. 

“Keep your eyes up blossom, keep looking up.” Kylo insisted, tried to comfort you, “Look at the sky, watch the sunrise.”

But you realized, if the sun was up, and you could see the bodies and the sky and the water surrounding you, then you could see him too, and you much rather would see him too.

“No, no I want to look at you. I haven’t seen you in so long.” You shuffled around on the piece of wood, which now in the light of day you saw to indeed be a piece of the ship’s side paneling.

“Move a little to the side, and there we are – ” Kylo said, as you both moved yourselves enough to be in full view of the other. He smiled at you, his lips were cracked and his skin was pale but he was smiling at you. “There you are.”

You drank in the sight of him, of his proud nose, his big ears. How you loved those ears, you began to cry, began to cry just at the sight of him smiling at you, looking so young. His suit was dark with water, and his cheeks were sallow, hair clinging in little strands against his forehead.

He was the most magnificent thing you had ever seen.

“You are so handsome, darling.” You whispered, resting your head against his legs and offering him a smile.

Kylo reached down to you, tucked some of your hair behind your ear in the way you had always done for him, looking at you – really _looking_ at you.

“And you are beautiful, beloved.” He whispered right back.

You laughed then, laughed and cried with tears of joy as the sun rose and the lifeboats of the Carpathia made their way to you, pulling survivors out of the Atlantic water. So many had perished, so many would be lost to the sea forever, but somehow, somehow somehow somehow, you would not be one of them.

And while you wait for your rescue, as the sky bloomed into the pinks oranges yellows purple blues of sunrise, all you can do is laugh and smile at your husband, this man who had once been a stranger now seemed the most important thing you held in your heart. Before all of this, you had met three times; the first, an introduction. The second, a lunch. The third, your wedding.

Could such strong bonds be made in such short a time as a honeymoon aboard the ill-fated Titanic?

Yes.

Yes they could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for coming on this journey with me. These last end-notes will be updated in the near future to include historical fun facts. 
> 
> If you enjoyed this story, may I please recommend you donate your support to "Titanic: Honor and Glory"; Without their research and dedication to their own Titanic related endeavors, I surely would have not been able to write this fic. 
> 
> Please feel free to yell at me about the story here in the comments section below, or over on my tumblr which can be found @babbushka
> 
> Sending you all love <3

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Welcome to my new fic, Beautiful, Beloved! I hope you enjoy this first chapter, and all the ones to follow <3   
> Please feel free to leave me a comment here, or over on my tumblr, @babbuhska
> 
> xoxo


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